I just read this funny post by JlSathre.http://open.salon.com/blog/jlsathre/2012/01/28/theres_little_comfort_in_growing_old.I read I read, Jlsathre, avidly , due to her humorous writing, and because I want to think there exists a thing like a good lawyer. Harrumph!
Anyway, as I await more juicy nuggets, via pm and phone, about the NY meetup, Jlsathre’s post inspired me to share a tiny snippet of my mother's magnificent abusive relationship with the English Language.
A short history: My mother was born in Hungary. Then, when she was five, the Germans, removed her by force to Austria(labor camp where we must presume she did baby labor,) rather than Aushwitz.Then she was “transported” to Germany(Bergen Belsen Concentration camp.) After she was liberated , she and her surviving family were sent to some sort of refugee camp in Orly, France, where she tells me they spent about a half a year.
So, by the age of seven, she learned to speak Hungarian, German, and some French. Then, she and her family moved to Israel, where she stayed till she was twenty one. At first, my grandmother couldn’t cope with all her kids, and trying to recover from what went down with those Nazis, so my mother was placed in an orphanage.
In that orphanage, she would be bunkmates with the future Miss Isreal, and then celebrity(Gila Golan). I always found that story awful because my mother was such a great beauty though this available photo doesn't do her justice:
She never knew it, because of course, she compared herself to Gila Golan :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gila_Golan
Aside of the future Ms. Israel, She would also live with tons of Russian and Polish girls, who were completely orphaned. And, so my mother spoke fluent Russian and Polish too, for awhile.She came to Toronto, Canada at 21, and then went to America, to escape her frightful aunt Bookie.( Hungarians have silly names!)
So, as you can see English would become my mothers fifth language. She immediately set out to learning it by reading gossip magazines and watching the news . By the time I came around ,when she was 30, she was well on her way to slaughtering my mother tongue.
Firstly, my mother is incredibly unversed in any dirty talk. Of course, I prefer it this way. She now has fun with cursing since the TROUBLES but growing up the entirety of any cursing was that I heard my father say “shit” once, and that was it. But this refreshing innocence has its downfalls.There was a time where my mother was either having hot-flashes or some bad response to a bad medicine called, Bay-Col.
My mother would tell doctors and us and anyone who would listen, “ I am so Vet. Feel me” Over and over again, “ I am so Vet. Feel me.” My mother pronounces every w as if it were a V, but it’s clear what she’s saying. After gesturing to her forehead she would say the “feel me.” See, she was sweating.
Screaming “ Mommy you can’t keep telling people you are wet,” was out of the question as it would necessitate me having to explain things I refused to discuss. It got out of hand , when a particular doctor looked horrified, so I had to sit her down, one strange day, and say,
“Mommy. I am just telling you. I am just telling you. You need to say I am sweating. You can’t keep saying, “ I am wet and that others should feel you." That word is used in different ways. Dirty Mommy. Dirty.Trust me.”
I don’t want to know why, but she quickly understood , and now she says
" I am svetting," when she sweats.
That wasn’t a malaprop, but she gives new meaning to malapropisms. I once compiled a list of them, but I can’t find it. The one I remember just now is the time she was getting a small payment from Germany for the INCONVENIENCES, and she told the guy on the phone, “ I better get it in one .... sum lump.”
Momma a short time before the TROUBLES
And, a recent pic of her non nemesis
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Comments
Funny but poignant as you can tell you and she adore each other.
And thanks for the shout out.
Lezlie
She is a trooper Fernsy..
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGG
mom looks GREAT. in fact, she looks ever so much better than miss israel, who looks like a flounder.
If I ever write a novel, I'm going to include a character named Aunt Bookie.
A friend down here once told me he'd been charged as 'a cassowary to the crime.' ( He wasn't :-)
Your love for her shines through every word!
I wish L.A. was just down the highway from here, instead of WAY down the highway from here...I'd love to come over and meet you both. : )
Jlsathre: Was very pleased to give you a shout out. Thanks for the inspiration.
Erica: She is gorgeous. I need to take a current picture soon. Very hard to break her from that habit. Thanks, friend. Glad to give you a laugh.
Thoth: Thank you, pal. ;)
Lezlie: I can't really pursue stand up till truths get out. Long story. Thanks for your lovely comment, Ms. L.
LammChops: Oh my, how sweet. Thank you.Yeah, we all want those sum lumps.
with that smile & those eyes ...what's all this about an mri!?
I don't like the sound of THAT...
but..
i remember the sound of your mom's voice from
a previous post very very well...
i can hear her slaughter the
English language in my head...
Look physically or in your memory for that list...
I simply LOVE malapropists.
My big buddy R. , an athlete dickweed punk back in high school,
now a 400 lb 33 yr old, has an utterly astonishing vocabulary,
sort of...
"That girl is volumptuos!"
is the only thing i can think of right now,
but trust me, he is a big sweet open-faced murderer
of the language...
oh wait... i thought of another one..
"Jim, I take hambridge (umbrage) to that!"
When i ask him where he got his vocabulary, he tells me,
"From my mom mostly."
Not to make fun from the deadly nasty Alzheimer's,
but when my dad got demented he too was hilarious...
Mom would always be there in the background muttering
not so nice criticisms of him..."for a man with a master's degree,
George, you make a damn fool of yrself when you open that mouth
of yours, " she'd say. Dad was half deaf, so he couldnt hear
me & mom cut him to pieces..i feel sort of guilty...
"MUMBLERS, the two of you! " he'd explode, and move his
hand in the yacky mouth motion, say "yibber jibber nabby nubby nooh nooH," with disgust. "Ahnunniciate!"
"You mean 'EE-nunciate, George. And keep your voice down, I am not deaf like you are. You'll wake the dead!" Mom.
I don't malaprop-isize, but i do make up words, so maybe
when i am elderly i shall be amusing ...to someone..
Dearestdreidel: Thank you. Henya works for me too. When we lived in New York she once said, " I can't find my vay to the Van vick express- vay"
FoolishMonkey: Now she just svets sometimes. Ms. Israel does look like a flounder but according to my mother, she was a good egg -- if not a little too atached to her mirror. She had a crush on my uncle.
Cranky: Aunt Bookie is yours as a title. " A book about Bookie?"
Aunt Bookie was the only person who ever scared the hell out of my mother. What stories about that. Can't wait to tell you in person, someday soon.
LeaLane: Thanks. Great to see you.
Kim! But was he an accessory? ;)
JT: Would loooooove to meet you. Would love it if you met my mother . Maybe that highway will look smaller soon. Off I go to fantasize.
Things gonna go back straight for ya Ferns.. just keep your patience - and sense of humor.
Rated for there's always silver, just sometimes you've got to break out the polish.
J.D: umm, ok. What else to say? Good to see you fella!
Phyliss45brighteyes: Never though about that. Damn. I can however curse in Hebrew and a little Arabic.
By the way, my mom says "pop your cork" all the time...same issue sorta....you know?
LeepingLarry: Ha. So much greif avoided if she had just used that. And, she speaks yidish too!
Inthisdeepcalm: Lovely comment. Thank you.
JD: Our mothers should get together and be obscene, by accident.
JaneBrogan: He was CONCERNED. thanks.
LHeure: Won't know for awhile. There are only two results: Life or death. Scary. Let us worry silently together. Sending out a prayer for your mother.
Clayball: She really is too wonderful for words. Thank you.
JenniferPrestold: Glad you liked. Thank you. I call her my "old baby." She's something you want to show off.
Joan: Back atcha with your family. Would love to have a meetup with your stool. That sounds wrong, but you get the idea.
AsiaRein: All prayers very welcome, especially coming from a sweet lass such as yourself. Thanks.
rated with love
such a funny story. I love your mom's smile. thank-you for this.
Your mom and I sould have a chance to meet.
WE share the same or similar dreadful experiences,only from a different end of the rope.
Pancreas when detected early,can be treated.I send all my love and hope for a good outcome.
Your mother is beautiful,and so are you.
Your avatar smile and that of your mother's before the TROUBLE are identical.
How WONDERful that she never lost her smile and her great sense of humour which you have inherited.
There is a lot of freedom in your mother's smile,and there is also sadness now.
The Hungarian people are very strong.They were the ones who opened the doors so refugees could go to the West. That was an act of courage because at that time it could have meant execution for the soldiers on duty.I have met Hungarians (in Hungary) before this time,and I could actually "feel" their urge for freedom.
Keep on writing,Fernsie,and let your mother take part in every word written here.
What a life !!!
Please pass this on to your mother:
"Was mich nicht umbringt,macht mich stark"
Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen were horrific places.
She survived ,and this in itself is a wonder.
Rated for outstanding courage
.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥
`
mother of children
joyfully looking forward
to menopause
`
Intro Psyche class . . .
asking if 'superego'
is the best ego
(That a Deluty senyru)
Mine break poem rules
`
Intro Psych class . . .
asking whether 'id' is short
for idiot
`
his new patient
claiming her life's been saved by
dissociation
`
P.S.
Your Mother is adorable to me . . .
DeborahMW: Should have made it an open call. "Good night everyone I am going to douche. " So delicious.Mom is a gem. I think I'm going to blog more abou that little honey.
RP: Malaprops can be so pleasurable. Glad you had the experiences.
Deloresflores: Thank you. She slipped up some time ago, when svetting, but quickly caught herself when she saw the fear on my eyes.
HeidiBanerjee: You and her her would have a fine time together. I'll chaperone. She is bizarrely strong. Perhaps something to do with being Hungarian. I just said to her yesterday that she is the sole reason that I can fight recent evil. Nazism truly came to her door twice, as you know. On the surface it seems lesser what John Gregozek, Judge Maria Stratton, and Co. did, but the element of evil and conscienceless cruelty is there. Both times the goal was destruction, considering what would happen after that tape was filmed. The fact that they made my mother suffer like that, is what I can't get over, and never will. You are a sweetheart. Your comment made me cry.
Algis: Thank you. Bless etc.
fernsy, I believe that was a malapropisism...
(sic)!
Libby: Yeah, she has certain rights I figure. She and us have become radical liberals since the TROUBLES ,so your posts are read with great interest.
ArtJames: Hope any second read didn't change that. Adorable knows adorable.
Linn: Sum lump was one of my favorites ,but daily they occur. Always great to see you.
Matt: Once I get the new computer I'll get a better pic scanned in. When she was in art school she had to make money and so did non-nude modeling and the teacher had to fire her cause she was "too perfect," and no one could draw her. The MRI results feel mystical-- masses in the pancreas are very rarely benign but it has been benign for four years and it better stay that way. TMI on the MRI but Henya and you have a history, as far as I'm concerned.xo
It moves me deeply and stirs my heart to bear witness to such a tender and loving bond that you share with your Mama. Makes me miss my own. The gentle magic that sparkles from the interactions you describe here is thoroughly endearing and obviously true. Such a testament to family ~ so much more visibly absent today. Thanks for the solid reminder that family not only rocks but rules!
~R~
Paintingthestars: Thanks. I will delete for your sweet sake.
diaanni: oy, she's sometimes svetty . The other day she told a receptionist that she broke four feet(cause she broke four toes and calles her toes "feet" and her fingers "hands"
TheGD: This post reeks of possible TMI. I'll never let my headspace be invaded as to why she grasped the concept so quickly.
eyespye: Your desire to leave meaningful comments, at every turn, is just lovely. So glad you got a kick.
to know she gonna be around for alot longer to
confound your linguistic center of the brain..
or..
well, if things aint so great,
i gotta say from experience that the goodbye
is sweet ...it can be made so...i tried...with my not
so immortal parents...
i do not wanna jinks no mri.
please tell us pancreas is a ok.?