some words;

i shall not fear. i shall write instead.


Ohio, usa
October 13
subject to re-definition


Eridanis's Links

DECEMBER 6, 2011 11:06AM


it's been a while. as the days pass, the small or larger dramas, memories are made, some are avoided. in the moment they seem worthy of a salon note, but later on they fade, seem more uneventful than real, more trivia than meaningful. 

i bought a house. well, actually, my husband… Read full post »

MAY 3, 2009 9:02PM

my aunt's death

my aunt died very recently. i don't miss her; she didn't like me and she didn't treat my dad, her only brother, very well. 

but dad felt some kind of loyalty towards her, so he spent weeks and weeks visiting her, taking care of her more than most brothers would. he… Read full post »

APRIL 22, 2009 9:35AM

why i don't date

people expect me to date.

i remember my 'friend's' family asked within a few months of announcing that my husband wanted out, when i was going to date. of course, they don't know their daughter/sister/aunt/cousin / mom is more or less dating me, because she's so far in the closet.… Read full post »

APRIL 22, 2009 9:03AM

the difference now

in the time since my husband left, i've gone thru some changes. daily, generally, physically, etc. ; lots of differences between then and now. so i thought i'd write about them. 

the first difference is where i sleep. my old bedroom - mine alone, because he snores loudly - is a… Read full post »

MARCH 8, 2009 10:26PM

yet another house for sale

The husband and I own this house together, all 36oo square feet of it. No, it's not a mcmansion, no it's not underwater, or any other euphanism. It's for sale because the husband left, and it's a cape cod built in the 60's for a large catholic family. I am not a… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2009 1:16PM

ADD addictions

I have ADD;  I'm addicted to everything. 

The caffeine and sugar in my tea make me feel better. I like that feeling. 

'Bright shiny new'  -  I love new toys, new gadgets, new tools for my house - anything like that. but I don't always love them after I've gotten my… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2009 10:16AM

dear phil


we call my husbands' grandfather phil, because that's his name, and because he is young for a grandfather.  

phil has a wonderful sense of design and style, and would be a stereotypical gay man if he let himself. he's a warm, funny guy.  he thinks outside of the box,… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 26, 2009 9:54AM

dear phil

we called my husbands' grandfather phil, because he was, and because he was very young. 

phil has a wonderful sense of design and style, and would be a stereotypical gay man if he let himself. he's a warm, funny guy.  he thinks outside of the box, and blurts out things the… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 23, 2009 11:20AM

cutting the cord

i'm not ready to let go of my landline. i don't use it, it's costing me money, and i'm not ready. 

don't know why. it's silly, really....dithering about some deeper meaning when it really doesn't matter -  i'm just wasting money.  hanging onto something that's not useful. 

i like… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 22, 2009 3:23PM

a brief rant on socks

i live in a studio apartment where my bedroom is mere feet from the laundry.  as in, i remove my socks at position a, and 6 feet away is the machine it's going in. 

and yet i lose socks. as of right now, i have 4 lone socks - no mate,… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 22, 2009 1:52PM

being.....odd, or is that queer?

words change meaning. this we know. but they don't always change for everyone, certainly not the same time or to be used in the same way. 

i'm lesbian,  married to a man. to lots of folks, there's something queer about that.

which is my point.  

 i'm queer - my way.… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 17, 2009 9:40PM

dinner with him

we had dinner tonight. he put his hands out on the table and i had to fold mine to stop from reaching for his.  i have loved his hands for over 30 years. strong, soft, comfortable, like coming home. we used to walk in our neighborhood, in malls, to friends, drive,… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 16, 2009 8:40PM

i hate to exercise

i hate to exercise. i really do. it hurts, and that is not fun. and no, i am not doing it wrong - it just hurts.  my doctor has sympathy but offers no releif. she's nice, but straightfoward; 'too bad for you'. 

i have arthritis in my right knee and my… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 15, 2009 2:15AM

something i wish was ....

Fairly often, at least once a week, I wish that such and such science-fiction-inspired device really existed, and that I owned such a device. 

 Yesterday I wished for a 'rememberer'....that would be a device that was something of a spy ball, with 360 degree video, instant playback, and inte… Read full post »

i read this line in a post by palindrome: What do we know for sure about our relationship?, the therapist asks.

and i wondered. what do i know about my relationship? good question. forst starters, perhaps i should specify which relationship.  

for the purposes of this, i mean my marriage. w… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 8, 2009 5:01PM

word pet peeve

just a short note to vent. 


people using 'that' when they mean 'who' really annoys me. people = who. things = that. i learned that in grammar school. when did it get changed?

 people using 'sort of' as filler i suppose, because it's not modifying *anything* in their sentenc… Read full post »

Comments are now closed for this post.
DECEMBER 18, 2008 7:33PM

a freak; minor

so my husbands' gf [girlfriend] had surgery today....the same surgery i had 20 years ago. she'd been resisting this inevitability for the last 2 years but finally went along.
6 hours after she's out of surgery, she's still not awake. 
she's a very bright woman until… Read full post »
DECEMBER 5, 2008 1:32AM

aging at the council on aging

i've been lucky in my jobs - not too many bad ones. just a few stand out. 
the library job with the librarian who'd had the same hairdo - shellacked in hairspray - for as long as the teen staff could remember. we'd play a game of dare which… Read full post »
DECEMBER 4, 2008 9:24PM


 i have been 'on' the internet since prodigy, which is a Very Long Time.  i have seen a lot of very strange, very silly, or very very.....things/episodes online since then. 

and tonight i came upon this just randomly.  [hat tip; bitch, phd] full post »

DECEMBER 4, 2008 1:05AM

my dad

my dad. 

i love my dad.

he has adult ADD.

he's passive aggressive.

he's -still - caught somewhere between his fathers' european sensibilities and his mother's pragmatism, and they've been dead over 25 years.  

he's 6'3".  

when i was young he used to tell me he… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2008 12:29AM

a few thanksgivings

i remember...

i was a sophmore in college and it was lonely for  the break as everyone who could cleared out. by some miracle of pre-internet life i made fast arrangements and traveled just under 1000 miles to surprise my family. i walked in and alarmed the dog i didn't know… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2008 12:07AM

avatar blue /os collage


 this is on long island, at the poor relation to the hamptons; the north shore. 

my family went to the summer house here almost every weekend.  it's where i feel i grew up - not where i went to school, but where i read readers' digest condensed books endlessly, watched… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 29, 2008 11:51PM

great love story 1 prime

we are married.

we have been married 25 years; met when we were 16, fell in love, dated, broke up, back together in college, married after graduation. his mother hates me, my parents love him. our friends thought we were cute and obviously self-aware soulmates. our friends and families understood… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 29, 2008 11:05PM

great love story 1

we are married. she to her husband, i to mine.

it has been 9 years of juggling our lives, our love, our other relationships, and our husbands. mine knows, welcomes, befriends; hers does not. her marriage has been poor, recently ungraded to fair, for over 20 years. and mine is… Read full post »