Keep Breathing

Erica K

Erica K
Location
New Jersey, USA
Birthday
September 26
Bio
Grew up in Jackson Heights, New York, but now live in Jersey. Married and the proud owner (servant?) of 4 cats, including a little blind guy named Quincy. Jobs have included: English teacher in U.S. and abroad, cabaret performer and member of a NYC sketch comedy troupe; now a full-time legal secretary and freelance writer. Other jobs: canvasser for NYPIRG/cannery worker in Naknek, Alaska (a fisherman told me it was "the ugliest part of Alaska")/dog kennel cleaner/member of the swine and poultry crew on a California farm. Currently performing my solo show, "The Year of Dead Cats," at Stage Left Studio in NYC. http://stageleftstudio.net/ "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." Samuel Beckett

MY RECENT POSTS

Erica K's Links

Salon.com
MAY 9, 2011 3:18PM

Peace

Rate: 6 Flag

If Thursday night’s visit at Jacobi Hospital conjured Edgar Allan Poe, yesterday’s was modern day Frank Capra, with a twist.  It was Party Central on 5 South, Room number 6.  Balloons, bouquets of flowers in baskets, water pitchers and vases covered almost every surface.  Only one patient didn’t have a visitor on Mother’s Day.  The entire time I was there she sat on her bed facing out the window; an aide sat facing her.  Neither spoke a word.

 

When mom saw me, a huge smile brightened her face and one of the aides said, “There she is.”

 

Mom said, “I didn't know it was Mother’s Day.  I didn’t think you were coming.”

 

I set a vase of white roses on her night stand, and Lorin presented her with a quarter pounder with cheese and a vanilla milkshake.

 

“How wonderful,” she said, and started right in on the shake.

 

She loves hamburgers, and since Lorin and I have been subsisting mainly on junk food the past few weeks, it was convenient too. 

 

Antoinette, the aide who announced my arrival, told me that mom loosened the straps around her waist and tried to escape earlier in the day.

 

Mom said, “I didn’t get far, I was crawling alongside the bed.  I wanted to walk around.”  That’s an image that I will never forget.

 

Her straps were tightened as a precautionary message.  Until she gets “clearance” to use a wheelchair by the physical therapist, she must stay in bed.

   

I put Mother’s Day cards from me and Rick on the meal table, handed her her stuffed animal and covered her with a quilt from home.

 

Lorin and I left for a few minutes to get cash at the ATM and purchase a new TV card so she could watch Channel 13.

 

We stopped at the nurse’s station and spoke to Carolyn, a nurse’s aide or nurse—we weren’t sure which—and asked if she could put in mom’s top dentures.  She said she had never done that and, like us, didn’t want to hurt her.  She also said mom was eating fine with just the bottom dentures and they cleaned them at night with a brush.

 

Carolyn said,  "Her meds are stable; I’m surprised she’s still here.”

 

“We’re waiting for her to be transferred to a nursing home,” I said.

 

“Right, Jessica said that.”  Jessica is the social worker on mom’s case.

 

“You know, I felt so bad for her yesterday.  She kept asking ‘where’s my daughter?’  I tried to calm her down, but she was very upset."

 

I explained that she forgot what day it was, that I said I’d be in on Sunday.

 

“I wish I could be here every day,” I said, “but I have to work.”

 

“I understand,” she said.  “You do the best you can.  I’m so glad you’re here today.”  Carolyn had a kind face and smile, and I felt better knowing she was looking after mom.

 

“Thanks,” I said and returned to mom’s room.  Lorin went back to the car.

 

Mom had finished off her vanilla shake and burger and then dinner came.  I cut her roast beef into small pieces. 

 

“It hurts the gums with dentures,” she said.

 

“I know, but we have to wait to see the dentist; the girls don’t know how to put them in either.”

 

After eating, mom looked at her cards and I asked if I could wash her hair.  Carolyn said someone came around on Monday mornings with a basin to wash hair, and she’d put her on the list.

 

I brought a package of no-rinse, shampoo-in-a-shower-cap and stuck her hair under it, giving it a good massage.  Then I towel-dried and combed it through.  Mom was in a kind of trance as I combed her hair, serene, not quite there.

 

I asked if she wanted to read the Emily Dickinson poem, “It’s All I Have to Bring Today,” and she said alright.  She started to read it, but looked drowsy and said, “you read it,” handing the paper to me.  Then I read “If” by Rudyard Kipling as a new patient was being wheeled in to fill the bed opposite her.  The woman was in a fetal position completely covered by a white blanket, only her feet stuck out, in yellow hospital socks.

 

I told her Obama was on 60 Minutes so we watched that for a while, and mom said, “I didn't know Osama was dead.”

 

“Oh, yeah, that happened about a week ago.”

 

“It’s about time,” she said.

 

After a few minutes she said, “Can we go back to Channel 13?”

 

Within minutes she was fast asleep, holding the stuffed kitty she calls “Mouse” after her cat who died in March.  I considered waking her to say goodbye.  I thought better of it and kissed her on the forehead and tucked her in.

Author tags:

hospitals, mother's day, peace

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
wow, what a difference from a week ago!
i know you must be sleeping better, and that your back hurts less.
good for you, and good for your mom.
From what I have read from your 'chronicles' here, both you and your Mum have suffered so much, in such different ways and surrounded by such silence from each other (despite the words). You can bring her light at times (as well as give her the space to burn you). But I think the spirit gets nourished in ways that last much longer and sustain much further than the immediate (I am thinking here of her smile when you came in). Although the fragility of another is terrifying for he able-bodied and able-minded, it is worth remembering how resilient we humans are - we manage one event by placing ourselves against the next one (the nursing home). Trust in what you are bringing her, even if at time the love is conflicted or subsumed in emotion or memory. Yes, peace - embrace it as you can!
Thank you, Diana and Aengus. We must embrace and the good times while they are still there.
I think you are doing fine with your Mom and she sounds quite dignified in spite of it all. There is lots of support for families of Alzheimer patients and I am so glad you blog here. It is my profession to help the elderly but when it comes to helping my own mom things are different. Remember to take care of yourself first.
This post made feel a little better than the last one did. I think You are both doing better. You tell it real well. R
Thank you, Zanelle and Thoth. I am feeling more positive since Sunday. Have to take one day at a time.
Best, Erica
Very touching.. beautifully told..
Really moving. Thanks for sharing!
And there was Mother's Day.
After all the struggles, and pain here's an oasis of hope. Mom is tucked in and safe. Your courage and tenacity is an inspiration. Every mother's hope is to raise their children to be strong and resilient. As a mom, I say; your life well lived is the greatest mother's day gift of all.