When your book first comes out please note that only a few of your inner circle will realize that you don't have leprosy. Always carry around a card that says you are indeed healthy, as friends and family seem to dissappear like rats on a sinking ship when your book is finally available.
When a family member complains:
"Do you know how many Facebook notices I got today about your book?
(try to keep it under a daily baker's dozen)
Say forcefully;
"Just deal with it!"
Keep a box of books in your trunk and know deep down that your late father is secretly pleased you have now have weight in the trunk for traction on stormy days.
Always make sure your book is in Kindle format as people have had runaway hits on Amazon. Cranky Cuss's blog on how to publish a book on Kindle is not out yet, so after attempting to load it for the 43rd time I just paid the darn 69 bucks for the CreateSpace professionals to do it.
Remember that the Kindle process takes 3-4 weeks, which is about the same time when people will have completely forgotten you wrote a book.
Consider making a sex tape to help promote your book!
Maybe give-aways at the SF Giants parade if they win the World Series this year?
Thank goodness Buster Posey is back!
Put fliers around town and in your building. Usually a good place is right next to the x-rays of the neighbour musician who keeps breaking his bones in the punk mosh pit.
Start picking your choice of landfill or recycling place carefully for your book to have its perfect final resting space.
If your book does not sell they can always be given out as programs for your funeral.
Always watch what you spend to promote your book because those expenditures can add up quickly and put you in a precarious living situation.
Know that the only lights your book is going to see are these trout lights.
Keep a copy of your book with you at all times as you never know when someone in the check out line at Target will be interested.
Persistently pushing your book to menopausal ladies sitting next to you at a local sushi bar might result in them feeling the need to order extra sake after you finish your book spiel.
( My personal apologies to those ladies at table number 6 at Kirala on Saturday night and for clearing the place out.)
Always remember that you are not the only one that published a book on a particular day because there are 2999 others on CreateSpace that published a book that very same day. Just be happy you completed something in life and go back to writing your blogs about Cat Breading.
Always bow down to those that helped you and your literary friends.
In no particular order :
Diana Ani Stokely- the cover- Grafix to Go
Mary Holden- Duchess of Editing and Cheerleader
Steve- listening to hours of whining (he has no link as he is my link)
Open Salon Authors you Should Check Out
Cranky Cuss- Send in the Clown Cart
Matt Paust- If the Woodsman is Late
Jason Giecek- Shame of the Father
Kenneth Sibbett-A Killer of Angels
Con Chapman- Too many to list- the darn genius!
John Blumenthal- Three and a Half Virgins
Amy Abbott-The Luxury of Daydreams
Vanessa Seijo-Nicolás, la abuela Margot y el hechicero
Hayley Rose Horzepa-I Know Why They Call a Shell a Shell
Sharon Watts- Miss You Pat!
Arlene Walrond- Coffee With Milk
Linda Secaspina 2012- new book "Menopausal Woman From the Corn" now available on Amazon US and Amazon Canada. Canadians please contact me for books to get cheaper shipping. Or buy the Kindle version now available on the US site.
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J.P. Hart
Greg Correll
GypsyAngel
MissKendraV
Jacob Sugarman
Andrea Higbie
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Comments
In any case, do it, write about it, and glory in the adulation! I am very proud of you.
Amazon. His name is Jesse Mitchell and it is a cheapie so pick up a copy today.
Amy: may we all join hands and keep sending out those books hahah
Diana: Your box is going out today and know how much I love you for making that cover which is probably way better than the book hahaha
Icyhighs: We are aiming for 10 hahaha. The thing I can strike another thing off my bucket list.
Designanantor: Lie mine will be in 30 days.. But that is okay.. Its done!!
Rugrat: NO ore records in here please!!!
Joan.. funny but sad to say its all the truth
Bobot: Anyone who knows writers that need a plug put a link on this blog please..
It's support for anyone that worked hard!!
We show the love on this blog..:)
Hayley: Plath comes to mind..:)
Miguela: Is that not insane that this guy in Ontario sells our books for 888 bucks (Cranky and me). He is most certainly waiting for our demise.
Matt: You know me.. I would give my right arm off to anyone if I could
I was utterly charmed by her unique take on the world. So I did something I rarely did: I read some of her older posts, and was even more charmed. So I did something I did even more rarely: I sent her a fan letter. It was, to quote Bogey, the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Rare is the day since then that hasn’t included an exchange of emails. I can assure you she is the same off the page as she is on.
I love her and am proud to call her my friend. I’m looking forward to reading the book.
perseverance and tenacity. Though I'm not *there* yet, I'll be getting it as a reference guide. Hope all is well. Bask in your personal achievement and when you make your millions don't forget where you came from. ;) Thanks for The Raven time warp too.
As usual, you have taken us to another unexplored point of view. I laughed all the way through.
Lezlie
Of course not you have to listen to me whine as you are the East Coast Steve..:)
Who knew I would have beloved doppelgangers in my life. The two of you together would be a Twilight Zone episode..:)
BTW Kindle is an Outer Limits episode.. NOT easy at all... My hats off to ya and Scanner for doing it.
Scarlett: When you write a book I don't think you do it for the money as there is way too much competition. I did it because I wanted something to give to my kids.. (to hand out at my funeral):) It's all about realizing your dreams and anything after that is just icing.
Yay!!!!!!!!! It looks great!
What a funny way you have about you and I love your drive hiding under all your humor....
Good luck-- hope you sell a million! ...and that wouldn't even be a surprise, you tell a tale so well : )
It's all bout sticking together, not eating your young.
Bleue: Its the only damn way to go ma cherie in life.:)
Scarlett: LOL YOu should see the books here.. Enough for some really good traction in a Canadian winter..:)
Just Thinking: HUGGGGGGG I am just so damn happy its done hahaha
Zanelle: let's not fool anyone .. we do hahaha
Your photo of your trunk reminded me of when I used to drive a Mustang back in Illinois. In the winter I always kept a bag of kitty litter in the trunk because otherwise I wouldn't have any traction. (Oh, and I'm not in any way comparing your book to kitty litter!)
CCDarling: I have had a hard time getting some people to understand why i write every day. For the last 4 months I have been writing 5 blogs a day and it has not been easy. Now 2 a day. I have learned a lot by writing but you know what?
I nearly met my maker a few years ago and from that point on I started writing because I had something to say and I thank all those that put up with my dribble hahah. I cannot imagine not writing every single day because it is like the air I breathe.
David: when its time to stop beating that dead horse I will know hahah HUGGGGGG
...congratulations! mazeltov!
:-)
When people BUY MY EBOOK, DUE IN LATE JUNE, I will be reminded of your sage advice, and will not annoy my friends who might be INTERESTED IN MY EBOOK!
PS Tell the model for the sex tape to get back to work!!
All the writers and especially you, have my deepest respect and admiration.
"Lick the button please FRed(tm) and go make a sandwich Boy."
getting people to buy your own book is similar to getting your license to sell life insurance. In your case, I hope it is license to a greater audience reading your amazing written word. I am looking at the NYT Best Seller list, waiting for your name to appear.
rated with love
All the best on the success of your book...I understand about family and friends disappearing.....
DONE AND DONE!!
What? :D
Of course, you know I'm working on my next book: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DEAD CANARY IN SEVEN DAYS!! :D
It's like giving birth to a full grown elephant!! ~:D
~hug~
*(seriously, so damn proud of ya!!!)
JLS- whatever it does, it does.:) Im happy
Thansk Brazen Princess
Susie.. huggggggggg
Sarah: I wont be so no worries hahaha
Foolish.. shalom..:)
Michelle.. HUGGGG
Random Chick_ I am like this in real life and handed it over to my son :)
ZUMAAAAAAAAAAA: Post it as many times as much as you want.. I support you.:)
Marsha.. DONT LOSE YOUR FRIENDS OR DENTIST!!
Cathy: I have not posted on here for way over a month..sigh..
HUGGGGGGGG
Trudge.. you can do it..
David. hell get Tater Tot to do it.
Creekend my love.. HUGGGGGGGGGG
Diananni- Its something that someone photocopied and been there forever. Its on its way to you hahah
Gary: Isnt it amazing? LOL
Scanner- HUGGGGGGGG
Tink: LOVE EWE
BIg hug Thoth
Be sure to let trilogy know ( if you haven't already ) so she can add Menopausal Woman from the Corn to her list.
ps. Intriguing pick-me-up cover, Diana.
Gerald: I say its a Food network show
Thanks Kim.. I owe Diana my first born but we both decided he might be a bit much, so we settled on flowers and love
HUGGGGG My sweet Bellwether
HUGGGGGGG
Jack.. it's 8;30 in the morning and you brought tears to my eyes. Thankfully I have my pack of Bounty napkins here as Kleenex no longer does the job.
Thank you my friend
HUGGGGGG
You should blog about the cat breading..:)
VARIOUS ARTIST.. I have a bad eye and forgot you..
To the Canadian authors!!! hip hip horray..:)
Coincidentally, I had two ears of corn with supper tonight.
Eva: It;s not all about menopause.. just a bunch of funny stories
Larry: Hope you didn't put salt on that corn.. We don't want to lose you to high blood pressure.:)
Is 250/144 high?
I think you're about to hit the real big time, I really do.
I can see you there already.
Kindle may help put this one over the top.
Never stop writing
PW
*sigh*
HUGGGGGGGG
:)
after yours I could have told you about the book I'm working on...and then we could have ordered extra saki all around....
cheers and congratulations!