A Fictitious Marlowe and Sam Crime Story with Real Live Photos Taken Last Week...
"Sam, what do you know about a guy named King Photo?"
"Never heard of him. Who is he Marlowe?"
"Top-line picture blower out of San Francisco. Last night, he hits town, and already there was somebody around who thinks King Photo shouldn't be."
"What's that got to do with me?"
"Well, I thought you might check him out with me for me in the City by the Bay. Ya know, any connection with the mob, dope, the usual list."
"You got a lot of nerve, Marlowe. What do you think I'm running here, some kind of an information bureau?"
(Marlowe and Sam arrive at King Photo's home)
"Convenient, the door being open when you didn't have a key, eh Sam?"
"By the way Marlowe, how'd you happen to have one?"
"Is that any of your business Sam?"
"I could make it my business Marlowe! What the hell is all of this?"
"Do you like orchids Sam?"
"Not particularly, Marlowe."
"Ugh. Nasty things. Their flesh is too much like the flesh of men, and their perfume has the rotten sweetness of corruption."
"Looks like the flesh has seen a lot of orchids in their day here Marlowe"
"Marlowe, if you can use me again sometime, call this number."
"Day and night?"
Uh, night's better. I work during the day. So what's up with this Marlowe?
Think mischief has been afoot?
"You're a private detective too Sam, you tell me."
"Ya know Marlowe, I honestly didn't know detectives existed, except in books, or else they were greasy little men snooping around hotel corridors."
"So what is with the sheriff badges here?"
"Someone has funny business going on Marlowe! I think we have stumbled on King Photo's hide-out."
"Ahhh, look it's Mariah Carey on the wall; the guy had taste!"
"Let me do the talking Sam, angel; come to daddy!"
"Marlowe, is she as cute as you are?"
"Nobody is Sam. Nobody!"
"Well look at this video Sam, it comes complete with instructions on of how to be a detective in 10 easy lessons."
"Marlowe, you must've watched a lot of videos learning how to be a comedian."
"Sam, I collect blondes and bottles too."
"Look at these dames! I like the one on the left Marlowe!"
"Yeah, what you 'sees' is nothing, I got a Balinese dancing girl tattooed across my chest Sam."
"Is that the one that looks like a Pekingese Marlowe?"
"I knew one of the dames that lived here and I remember this bed Sam."
"How did you find her?"
"I didn't find her Sam."
"Well then how did you...".
"I have never been here Sam, you haven't seen me, and she no longer exists."
"I was beginning to think you worked in bed like Marcel Proust Marlowe."
"Who's he Sam?"
"You wouldn't know him, some sort of a French writer."
"Come into my boudoir baby and look at that ceiling! There's my girl on the wall Sam. There she is!"
"She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up Sam."
"I don't like your manners Malowe!"
"And I'm not crazy about yours either Sam."
"I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself Sam. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings."
"Look at that Sam! It's King Photo's mother; what a dame she was! She could drink any man under the table!"
"What is this Marlowe, hmm?"
"What does it look like Sam, hanging grapefruit?"
"Well, from here it looks like a fancy schmancy light pull!"
"You know, it's a funny thing Marlowe. You're trying to find out what your father hired me to find out, and I'm trying to find out why you want to find out."
"You could go on forever, couldn't you Sam? Anyway it'll give us something to talk about next time we meet."
"Among other things, let's take a look at the sign on King Photo's shed."
"Is King Photo in there Sam?"
"Yeah, yeah, he's here."
"Tell him to come out Marlowe, will you?"
"I can't Sam."
"Because he's dead."
(Marlow speaks on the phone to the local cops)
"Hi Joe! This is Marlowe."
"Yeah, Marlowe! What's left of King Photo?"
"Not much Eddie, just memories hangin' on the wall."
" My respects to him, Marlowe. Few men ever swapped more than one shot with King Photo."
"I know Eddie, even his cat is gone. I swear I looked at that empty litter box and suddenly felt like I was taking a trip down a sewer in a glass-bottom boat."
Apologies to Raymond Chandler for butchering every line he wrote. This was a real garage sale I went to last week and believe it or not there was actually more I just could not get myself to photograph... ahh... without getting caught..:)
All Photos: Linda Seccaspina
Text: Butchered text by Linda Seccaspina from the great Raymond Chandler.