Rapture Me This! - Last Minute End of the World Personals
Well, today might be my last post if Harold Camping's prophecy comes true tomorrow or Sunday. So I have put together some parody personals Craigslist style for you to enjoy. I do hope to see you on Sunday but if I don’t, it has been a blast.
Please come celebrate the Apocalypse with me!
Ladies, the end of the world will strike the Bay area at 6pm on Saturday.
I'm the ideal person to spend the Apocalypse with. First, I'm not a Believer so I promise that when the Rapture hits, I will still be here. I'm looking for a life-long committed relationship, not casual dating, and believe me, after the Apocalypse hits you need a guy who intends to stick with you forever.
So, ladies, please respond so I can choose who I'm going to end the world with! Come meet a sinner for tea where everything is warm and tasty.
Please help me lose my virginity before the end of the world!
I've never had sex and I struggle with releasing the "awesome in me" into the real world.
I forgot to mention that I'm from Kansas, so you may only use one Wizard of Oz joke on me. I also must warn you that I develop an accent when I'm naked with a girl. But, yes I am a virgin!
25 year old Virgin Afraid to go down in flames
Due to what some may call a long-lasting lack of luck; I am nearing 30 and still a virgin. Should the world end this weekend and we all perish in flame or flood, I'd prefer to not die that way. I would like to meet another virgin for some fancy dinner Friday night my treat. I realize I am being kind of choosy at this point in time and need someone to help me fight the zombie apocalypse. I guess I am a virgin in my thinking too!
The world is going to end- your place or mine?
"Sunshine, times a wastin’!"
I need a Republican with a pulse because none of us are going to have any soon. BTW I have my period and hope that is not a problem. Looking for good drinks, maybe a smoke or two and then hot hot hot. Hopefully that hotness is just sex and not the world coming to an end. I’ve also got a great pair of brains - both left and right.
Material Girl Dominatrix for Hire - Two Day Sale!
Two days left and I just want to remind you that you do not need those material possessions where you are going. Just drop them off or we do offer free pick up. Please feel free to enjoy our special offer of being punished for your gluttonous sins.
Save a Bud for me and I'll drink it with you on the flip side.
Just announced that the end of the world party is still on! We have decided to move it from the Bill Graham Auditorium to AT&T Park, because of the huge demand to attend. Giant’s pitcher Brian Wilson will be dressed as the devil and we plan to break the doors down at 6am sharp and take the park over.
Validation for better seats is available. If you cannot make it due to traffic and are stuck on the freeway no worries because we are all going to be thunderstruck anyways. Bring lots of water- it’s going to be a hell of a time!
Linda Seccaspina 2011
I can think of no better way to die than to crank up some AC/DC!