Linda Seccaspina

The Tayles of Emileeeeee McPheeeeee

Linda Seccaspina

Linda Seccaspina
July 24
Formerly called The Maiden of Death by Derek Raymaker Xpress Magazine
When you wish upon a star
Linda's column can now be read in The Humm newspaper and online. Also pick up an issue of Screamin Mamas magazine from Florida for a peak at some of my writing.>> My idol is former mentor and OPRAH senior associate producer Elizabeth Coady. Taskmaster extraordinaire but learned so much from her, and if I could be 1/8 as talented as her I 'd be laughing.>>>>> My books "Menopausal Woman From the Corn" "Cowansville High Misremembered" "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities" and "Cancer Calls Collect" now available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle >>>>>>>All covers also done by Diana Ani Stokely GRAFIX to go.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Cowansville High School Misremembered" book is now out as a fundraiser for the school._______________________ ___________________ Follow her on Twitter @@Mcpheeeeee. Linda Seccaspina was born in Cowansville Quebec about the same time the wheel was invented. _____________________________________ She used to own clothing stores in Ottawa and Toronto Ontario Canada from 1974-1996 called Flash Cadilac, Savannah Devilles, Nightmares and Flaming Groovies. _____________________________________ Her brain tries to writes stories about her menopausal life and a host of other things she gets annoyed at. _____________________________________ She has two sons, Schuyleur and one that does not want his name mentioned. She has a grandson called Romeo who is a Boston Terrier and a grandaughter Bella who is a french bulldog. _____________________________________ Linda loves people quite plain and simple and loves to hug.. Yes, she is one of "those".


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MARCH 27, 2011 10:47AM

Internally Bagging the Bacon While Celebrating "Baconalia"

Rate: 53 Flag


sugaronsnow     Most Canadian children go through a traditional rite of spring as soon as they can say the word “maple”. Each year in the month of March they are either led by their parents or have to endure some god forsaken field trip to a sugar shack in the middle of the woods. Then one of the culinary miracles of Canada takes place and they are introduced to something called “sugar on snow”.





tim     My father used to delight in making this for us every year using the very snow that the cats had peed on. Years have passed, and spring now means that the Tim Horton’s Maple Double Dip Donut is in season and Canadians rejoice!  Anything maple flavored screams Canada and even Trader Joe’s caters to transplanted Canadians in the U.S. by offering mock Maple Leaf Cookies on their shelves.




So it was of great delight to see Denny’s offering up their new "heart attack on a plate" menu of bountiful bacon meals with a hint of maple called "Baconalia". Yes their sacred festival of bacon offers something called: “The Maple Bacon Ice Cream Sundae” and I was gung ho to try it.




As I looked at the Denny’s website I  noticed that they were proud sponsors of AARP. I found that quite strange due to the vein clogging menu they serve. Are they are working hand in hand with the government? Every day we hear that the "system"  is overloaded so as I looked at their new special of a Hamburger plate with endless pancakes I decided one had to wonder about the whole darn thing. Did they create this new "Baconalia" menu to get rid of the overflowing senior population like myself?





Not really caring, we took our life into our own hands and ordered the Pepper Bacon and Egg Slam. I cannot eat toast due to having celiac disease so I promptly opened a small packet of grape jelly to put over my eggs while watching raised eyebrows around me. I looked at Steve as he shook his head and I said,

“And your problem is?”





The waitress assured me when she brought my sundae that we would be very pleased. I secretly thought that I might not make it to dessert and they might have to Medevac me out of there. But I succeeded and the sundae was presented with two large spoons and loads of napkins.

They use real maple syrup and the savory/sweet mix is wonderful - that's if you are able to grab some for yourself. That’s right; “Mr. we don’t need a damn free coupon for an extra one!” was sucking it down not missing a beat even as I filmed the video. What I did actually enjoy was great and I thought that finally some innovator with a six figure income had done something right.




I waddled into the car and thought of how much the maple flavour reminded me of my childhood.  We would sabotage some of the silver sap buckets with shots of Pepsi Cola and scream with delight!  Nothing like mischievous Canadian kids wanting to piss people off!

When we got home, I walked into the loft and smelled the air. I promptly said,

“Good Lord, we both smell like bacon!”

And so begins a new tradition...       

Text and images: Linda Seccaspina 2011


                                  The Eating of the Sundae- take 1


                        The Eating of the Sundae take 2

                    Poetry reading- "Caught" by Cindy Prochnow

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First, ok now I'll comment. :-)
Did I read that right? It is bacon and ice cream? Sundae's with bacon? I don't think I can handle that one Linda. Those are two ingredients I never thought to see used together: ice cream and bacon!
"Baconalia"...I can imagine all of the portable Acme brand Cholesterolometers (soon to be available at WalMart!) that might be testing this amazing culinary feat (by diners watching their daily fat intake) now broken with their meters permanently stuck in the highest readout position!
I read about this..sweet and salty yumm. Ice cream and bacon..seriously? Dennys..hmmm..not so much. But I have to trust you.
So much to say:

1. The cat peed-on snow made my stomach turn. Then, I read on.... I'm not a huge fan of bacon or of maple syrup (sorry, sorry) and with my IBS comes a really odd sometimes-lactose intolerance that means more often than not ice cream gives me abdominal pains. So when I saw that sundae...I was like looking into the apocalypse.

But I'm glad you guys enjoyed it!

2. Yay! My computer is having a "good" day (so far...) and I can watch videos! I loved your reading of the poem - your voice was absolutely perfect for it! On the other hand, seeing the End-of-Days Sundae (End-of-(Sun)daes?) live made my stomach turn again....

If we ever have a meet-up and we go to Denny's, you know I won't steal your dessert!

Channelling my inner Homer Simpson for a minute. :)
mmmm.... honey maple bacon...
I saw a big banner for this when I drove by a Denny's on my way to work last week. I love salty/sweet combos, and I've seen maple-bacon doughnuts up in Portland. I loved that you made Steve do 2 takes on this one. :) There is a comedian who does a bacon bit. Here's the link for you.
Everything's better with bacon. lol
And here's a recipe for you with maple syrup and bacon.
I'm getting really hungry...for maple & bacon.



I'm hungry too!! WAAAAAA!!!

I can feel atherosclerosis forming even as I watch and read--but, darn, we've got to throw those Puritan misgivings to the wind periodically--life's got to have some tang (or savory and sweet) every so often, got to have its evanescent delights once in a while, or what's the point? And, the snow the cat peed on? Ewww.
Kim: It was not that bad. The nay sayer ended up eating most of my sundae:)

Disco Fett: When I get excited you should hear my accent hahaha. I have made a note of the sausage thank you very much..:)

Larry: In Canada we have many different combos of maple ice cream.. No bacon yet. Last night after dinner I was hankering for another but I swept my mind clean of it..

Walmart Canada does not have any sort of health meter for Tim Hortons yet as it is a national treasure. You don't screw around with national treasures less you be run out of the country.

Target set to open in Canada in 2013.
Walmart is minding their manners..:)
Satori: Always trust a Canadian :

I'm not a lumber jack
Or a fur trader
And I dont live in an igloo
Or eat blubber
Or own a dog sled
And I don't know
Jimmy, Jally or Suzie from Canada
Although I'm sure they're really really nice
I have a Prime Minister not a President
I speak English and French not American
And I pronounce it about not "a-boot"
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack I believe in peackeeping not policing
Diversity not assimilation
And that the beaver is a truley proud and noble animal
A toque is a hat a chesterfield is a couch
And it is prnouced "zed" not "zee" "zed"!
Canada is the 2nd largest landmass!
The 1st nation in hockey!
And the best part of North America!
My name is Linda and I am Canadian!

Joe from the Molson Beer commercial)
Alysa: Having celiac disease I understand your plight. Oh do I..
It is not easy having IBS and remembering what things to your stomach and bowels.

Ocular: Run to your nearest Dennys.. But dont forget to print off the buy one get one free coupon online hahaha
Schmoopie.. If he was going to eat my Sunday he was going to do two takes hahaha. Thank you for posting this stuff.. I LOVE when people share things with all of us as we are a huge family here..
I have seen those donuts on the Food Network hahaha

Tink... Bacon is a nummy foodgroup but I have had enough for this week.:)
Jerry; We Canadians are a tough lot. We have eaten many things in the sow or while we sucked on icicles.:)
Not that I do not want to now.. but some people peed in the sap buckets too..:)
Brian B: raise the maple leaf flag.. and have a double double for me.
(only Canadians will know what that means:)
At first I thought such a sundae would gag a maggot. Then I remembered back in the day (a year ago!) when I used to eat bacon, how much I enjoyed the taste of my pancake syrup coating my extra-crisp bacon. Yum!

I wish we had done the video about 10 times more - I kept thinking of more things to we could have ordered a couple more sundaes!
lezlie: thee you go.. pancakes and bacon..:)
Rugrat: well you were diving into that like it was manna from heaven hahah
Think I'll hafta pass on this one, Linda. I love bacon. I love maple syrup (I'm the only one in the family who does) and I love ice cream. And I know they all end up mixed together down below. I just don't believe I could handle them going in together.
Oh GROSS! Steve wants to substitute maple for butterscotch? That's his ONLY suggestion??? How about chocolate for bacon? And all this time I envied Canadians for their good taste!
Matt: I think you might like it..

ahhh marsha.. Denny's an American chain:)
I used to go to Canada
every summer
to fish in its beautiful lakes
to get there
from here
we crossed the border
at International Falls
plugging our noses
as long as we could
the smell was atrocious
teasing each other
who had the rotten eggs
for breakfast
maple in ice cream
sounds a delight
adding some bacon
more like a fright
but I could see
that Steve
was enjoying
every bite

rated with love of this wonderful post and poetry reading
I love bacon as much as the next person, but that seems to take it to a whole new level. But, when in Rome..,
I love maple syrup:)
That sundae looked yummy:)
MMM bacon with eggs and maple syrup poured over them:)
Now you have me hungry:)
I do believe I am going to have to try this sundae, with butterscotch topping as well....giggle

Disco down Fett: My head still wobbles like a bobble head when i speak..:) South Park was not far off..

I agree about the aboriginals because I lived in Northern Quebec in Sept Iles.. The powerful iron ore men lived in million dollar homes on one side and the poor aboriginals lived in shacks on the other side.
As for the furs I worked for The Hudson Bay Company there but I did not sell furs. Lots of those striped blankets though..:)

When I excited about expressing my opinion the damn accent is full force.

Yes I have been in Mexico and cried for the first 2 hours. The poverty there killed me.

Now how about all that oil and gas that Canadians are the number one supplier to the US. Wait.. hmmm I do believe the Chinese are building the lastest pipe line in Canada.. hmmm
I will have to make sure I do not say the words Bacon, Canada, or Baconalia at work at any time. I do love the maple syrup though, we were part time Vermonters (I also used to cross country ski). The real stuff. The stuff in a can that looks like it could hold gasoline, and requires heat, water and special pliers to get the cap off after a season of maple crusting. The stuff that is dark and has bits of nature in it. That stuff. Yummmmm. It tastes awesome on ice cream and also in coffee, fyi. Going to leave the bacon out of it. The coffee, that is.
Poetess: ahh the falls.. I love Niagara Falls. I also loved the series Wonderfalls as it took place there. Wish I cold have met you there..
Yes he was...IMMENSELY..:)

Scanner: Bacon is now King at Dennys hahahah

Dysfnctn: Hmmm I can smell the canadian in you..:)
oryoki.. yes Vermont has great stuff too and I know which cans you speak of:)
Nothing but nature and goodness in there..:) and maybe a bit of pepsi we poured in hahaha
Do they sell it in a doggie size?
Jesus Murphy, now you're freaking me out. Bacon in a sundae? I don't think so. -R-
A local restauranteur who lives near me is experimenting with bacon-peanut brittle. It's still in the at-home project stage. I haven't lab-ratted this because the last free nut brittle I ate cost me many bucks at the dentist. People seem to like it, though.
leepin.. now you are my kind of pal.. Doggies love ice cream and bacccccccccccccccccon... well golly gee Larry that has got to eb a bonus.:)

Christine: Jesus Murphy yourself with the veins of Canadian blood that still flow through you..:) I think it will bring you back memories of the mother country..:)(
Steve: bacon is the new 'cupcake" :)
Pilgrim had a post the other day about making pancakes and mentioned eating them with maple syrup and sausages or bacon. Something I understand Americans and Canadians eat all the time. I love pancakes and maple syrup but that whole thing of eating them with bacon ... eating savoury with sweet ... well it kind of turns my stomach! And now bacon and ice cream??? YIKES!!!!!! I'm feeling a bit ill right now at the thought.
I will not talk about the Paula Deen travesty that begins with donuts and ends with bacon and eggs...

But now, I have bacon and know how to use it. Your post has triggered a California level of baconalia!

Zumapick for bringing cultures together in peace and love, and for educational excellence!
Hmmm maybe they're in cahoots with the cardiology clinic.
Actually cooked right I think this sounds delicious....yummmm
Jon: yes it was..yummm

Disco fett: I love tacky catholic mexican art.. It is fabuloosa..
China are investing heavily in the new pipeline that will go into the US.
Seriously with all this crap going on I am awaiting a civil war..:(

Little kate: I bet I could have talked you into it..:)

Xenon.. Food peace to all Y'ALL..:)

Lunchlady: It was smashing.
Yeah, baby! At the first OS meetup I went to we had a chocolate maple bacon was yummmmy! Great readings...I hope you are feeling better after the bacon-o-rama! I am making lemon cupcakes with vanilla frosting for a Spring Lemon-o-nilla drama rama baby mama dessert! xox
Hey...I was thinking...KFC would probably like to partner with this on their two chicken patty sammywich! xox
Maurene: that is what i said until I tried it hahaha

Robin: Happy Cupcakes..
Did you know Canada only had the KFC double down for a month and then even though it was their number one seller they retired it due to health issues.. I doubt Denny's will take this world wide..:)
Well, today started off with me making French toast with syrup and bacon and for the family (sugar-free syrup for me). Do we win the Most Canadian Household of The Day Award?
ms linda ... if we both smell like bacon (maple bacon) ... it must be true love ... rated (minus the ice cream) ... Will
You two are so darn cute!!!! I like watching rather than eating that. So fun. Good Sunday Post.
I think Denny's was taken over by Canadians. All that bacon! And with ice cream! What were you two thinking ordering only one?
I live within walking distance of Denny's and thankfully will be running passed it to avoid the Baconalia! Interesting reading.
Rated with happy running shoes to avoid the dreaded Denny's heart wrenching menu
That is a terrible combo, Linda; I'll pass. R
Bacon is sexy, I like eating it off hubby's chest.

If they are putting bacon on sundaes, what 's next?
Hot fudge on eggs?
You 're a braver person than I.
various.. yes you are.. not wave that Canadian flag with a Molson in the other..:)

Bexar: That it is..:)

Zanelle: Think we have a reality show in our future?:)

Yserba: I said the same thing..:)

Hey Suz: maybe they will sponser you in your princess run??:)

Thoth: My lovely.. do not knocketh this until you have tried it hahaha

Lady Miko: You always make my day
Communications.. like a burger on top of a sundae?:)

Steve: well i do put jelly on my eggs hahah
Well, I used to eat pancakes with maple syrup AND bacon when my mother could be induced to fr y some up of a Sunday Morning, so I can definitely see the point of having a maple-bacon Sundae at least once.

But I think Baconalia might be a thinning of the herd a degree kinder than floating every one to sea on an ice berg.

Suspect thy government! =o) Then pass the bacon, please
I'm not one to shy away from unusual culinary concoctions, but I think I'll sit this one out. But thank you for taking one for the team.
Shiral.. you are so right.. they are thinning the herd...US!! LOL

Trudge.. you are so welcome.. i always aim to please..:)
I'm sorry, bacon and ice cream? ** shudders **
Cranky.. I will mail you some..:)
I bow my head and fold my hands to thank the pig who provides me with the sheer ambrosia that is bacon. I will have to try the sundae, but the butterscotch sounds better to me...
There is another reason this is so unhealthy, when you eat greasy food you are supposed to follow it with a warm drink so it is less likely to clog the arteries. The idea is that drinking ice water or something cold, makes the grease turn to a solid faster.
I agree that Denny's is part of an AARP conspiracy!!
Linnn: I too bowed yesterday..

Susie: You just scread me liek Dr OZ.. haha
Bacon and ice cream???
I was meaning
International Falls
a town on the border
of Canada and Minnesota
not the beautiful Niagara Falls
where I have been too and loved
the mist, the beauty
no the mist in International Falls
which was a one horse town
with a paper making plant
that kicked out a mist
smelling just like rotten eggs.
But the air was always
fresh and clean
when they waved us over
the border.
except for the Denny's part I really liked this -- I'm afraid to admit this to my family however. I am making shrimp and grits tonite (with extra bacon) as my LAST MEAL before what I am thinking will be a horrid, awful, whiny elimination fast. I kinda wish I'd gotten some maple ice cream so I could make extra bacon for dessert!
Nope! Linda, as much as I love you friend, I'm VERY sure you couldn't have talked me into trying bacon and ice cream! NO WAY!!!!
I would regret this less than some other things I've been talked into.
I'm drooling. I really really do miss bacon. Probably the same way you miss toast.
Now, bacon in ice cream is just plain gross, Linda. But the maple, yes, also a favorite around here. Last Sunday, was Maple Sunday. However, there have been very few days above freezing here so the sap still isn't running real well. R
Now, maybe soy bacon in ice cream? I'll try it. :-)
JD: Yup bacon and ice cream.. one snappy flavour :)
Poetess..OOOPs wrong falls hahah
Marilyn.. HUGGGGGGGGGG an elimination fast.. you poor thing
Little Kate.. LOl that made me laugh
Green Heron: Oy to the max GF :)
Divorce Bard: NO regrets..:)
Bellwether.. we should have a bitch fest about what we miss
Michell: we had a lot of fun doing this
Sheba: Let the sap run... yum..:)
too funny eating the snow that the cats had peed on! Jesus, are you in Canada or America? As you know, America is the home of the brave and the land of the people who put cheese and bacon on everything. Somehow you have beat us to putting bacon on ice cream. As an American, I don't know if I should be sad or happy about this :P
No way to putting bacon in my ice cream. LOL :-)
Oh, Canada!
Your maple bacon land
True cardiac love
In all thy hearts gourmand.

[The rest of your national anthem]

Oh Canada!
Where electrocariograms
Are free.
Oh I think I have baconalia and more. The ice cream shot is priceless.
it would be so un but hilarious to offer this to mu Turkish friends here as something we enjoy at home. Do you live in Canada?
Wonder if Baconalia has hit the Tim Horton shops that have opened in Manhattan. Canada's revenge for three centuries of slights?
Who would have thought!? Maybe I'll have to try that!
Hayley: rites of young canadians and those of the northern borders of the US>::)

Alastrina: It was good..:)
Mhold.. you bet its free

Algis: I would so love to hear comments from those of your Turkish friends..:)

Leon: Bring on the double double

Peggy: It was really good.
Midwest.: Oink back..:)
Totally amazing. I have never heard of this before. All I can say is wowowowowowowow.
Pork products seem to be everywhere nowadays. I suspect bacon toothpaste will be next.
sheila.. you would have loved it..
lea: please say it aint so..:)