Lack of respect for the living and the dead these days makes me really angry. I don't get it, and it really sickens me.
I am the last living member of my family, and will eventually fall to the final blows of the dreaded family disease.
It's called Lymphoma.
I am one year over the family 'cease and desist' deadline. Yes, the terminal family tree line has been passed by one single lowly year.
All of them died way too young, from ages 19 to 58. Yes, they all sought help, and got worse.
When it finally rears its ugly head inside me, it's a done deal.
No help, and absolutely no professional advice. Please just let me sit on the couch, watch reruns of Green Acres, and fade away.
I want to die like the first Queen Elizabeth. She knew the end was near, so she stood by a window proudly, until she gasped her last breath.
I refuse to have people sit by my bedside wringing their hands, and crying. I will not let them watch me getting sicker from the chemo, and other things that never helped anyone that had a blood line to me.
I refuse to have someone appointed to give me permission to die in my last hours. They will not watch my heartbeat monitor go to zero.
I will not have them have to clean up my room while I lay there dead with my eyes still open, because of lagging cuts to services.
People talk about death sometimes like it's never going to happen. Well it is, and I have had it thrown in my face too many times.
No matter what was tried, or how hard I prayed; they died.
And there is nothing I, or anyone else, could do about it.
So what happens when I have no more say about my life anymore? What happens when I can no longer do anything about it?
Who has the decency to give me my last wishes?
Who has it in their heart, to respect what I want?
I want to be cremated, and not buried.
I don't want my ashes in a cemetery with a headstone.
I want no funeral, nor people standing around mourning. If they did not care about me in life, then why bother to come and mourn me?
I want my ashes divided in half, and one half is to go under the fairy in the old garden. The other half goes to the person that holds my soul.
I want the song 'Time of your Life' by Green Day blasted over a car stereo.
That's it, and that is all.
No more, no less.
Sunday, I went to the Decoration service for my late father in law. Decoration Day is the annual day to mourn the dead at the cemetery.
But in my books, it's the only time it seems, that someone comes to visit their loved ones at the graveyard.
My father in law's last wishes was that he was to be cremated. He was buried instead.
I listened to three people talking beside a headstone in front of me on Sunday.
The lady on the right told the other two that the last wishes of the deceased was not to have any holy words said over her.
Well, they thought it was wrong, and brought in a minister to say words of God over her grave.
Another man is seen frantically running around looking for his brother's grave.
Seems he was at the wrong cemetery. So much for brotherly love.
I looked at all the beautiful flowers everywhere. People took the time and spent money for this one sacred day, but where were they last week, last month, or last year?
No where. The dead were all alone.
Yes, I realize people will not agree with my thoughts. Some may even shake their head in anger, and say I am selfish.
Selfish to whom?
In the end it's respect about personal choice isn't it?
I hope someone has the decency to give me my last wishes.
I really do.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end I hope they make it right"
" Because I had the time of my life."
OPEN CALL : Linnnn has suggested we make this an Open Call. I think that is a brilliant idea. After all, if we do not have our friends on Open Salon to stand by us, then who do we have?
This is Jeremiah's Open call input.. Enjoy!
Libmomrn also did this.,
Brassawe did this one which is amazing:
http://open.salon.com/blog/brassawe/2010/08/19/last_wishes_last_realitySomber Words and Images by Linda Seccaspina 2010
In Memory of:
Frederick J Knight Jr, died at age 19
Bernice E Knight, died at age 34
Robin Knight Nutbown, died at age 40.
Arthur J Knight died at age 58
And the list goes on and on