Dr. Strangemom

Dr. Strangemom
Birthday
December 31
Bio
Thinking about shit and making up shit.

MY RECENT POSTS

Dr. Strangemom's Links

Salon.com
JANUARY 25, 2011 4:29PM

Teenage Mutant Ninja Santa

You know what I suddenly miss? Christmas movies. Especially the ones where a regular person turns out to be Santa, and only some loser, unpopular child knows the secret. I just can't get enough of those Santa-disguised-as-Everyman stories. They are so realistic.  They could totally happen.

I… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 22, 2011 9:10PM

Particle Man

Robin and I are sleeping apart.

It’s not the first time in thirty years of marriage that he has retreated to the downstairs couch and it probably won’t be the last. We’ve been here before. There was the time he spent three hundred dollars on a wood chipper… Read full post »

JANUARY 17, 2011 2:18PM

Dickileaks and Vagileaks

Claudia and Doug came up with two stellar words last week to describe when people sleep around and then blab about it:

Dickileaks and vagileaks.

Although, come to think of it, vagileaks was how Claudia described what happens when middle-aged women laugh too hard. But it could work both ways.

Now… Read full post »

I am in decision-making mode today.

Generally, I have no problem making up my mind. I can walk into Baskin Robbins and, by the time I'm first in line, I know exactly what I want: Popcorn. I bought my car within a half hour or arriving at the… Read full post »

JANUARY 13, 2011 7:34PM

Blue Balls Under My Pants On Fire

I can't even get started on Sarah Palin. My head will fall off.

But I will take a few moments to muse about what it feels like to wait for snow.

I grew up in LA and moved to the Pacific Northwest only fifteen years ago, so winter is still… Read full post »

JANUARY 3, 2011 7:31PM

Where I Did/Not Like His Penis, redux

20100 is all about simplifying, right?

So I have only one resolution this year: I will write a book to accompany that awesome title I came up with a few months ago - Where I Did Not Like His Penis.

The initial intention was write it ala Dr. Seuss,… Read full post »

DECEMBER 31, 2010 11:17PM

My First Holiday Card Ever

Hello to all my friends!

Yes, it's me. So, first of all, I guess I better come clean to those of you who thought I was out of the country, dead or back in grad school: I'm not. I just made up those excuses because I didn't want to … Read full post »

DECEMBER 29, 2010 11:27PM

Where's MINE?????

Well, I'm just going to come out and say it. Everybody else in the world is doing better than I am.

Oh, don't even start with me about losing your job or your basement flooding or your bladder infection that won't go away. Don't even. I know what I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 27, 2010 3:05PM

When You Care To Give The Very Least.

My kids can skip expensive years of therapy to find out who is to blame for their failures in life: it’s me.

I fucked them up. On July 14, 1998.

We awoke at the crack of noon that day. The kids watched TV from the moment they woke up. Stupid… Read full post »

DECEMBER 26, 2010 7:08PM

The Size Of His Shoe

Despite the winter weather, I am not a fan of making snow angels. I need a real-size silhoutette of my ass imprinted on my front lawn like I need a hole in the head.

I am not even a fan of making footprints in the snow. I am not… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 22, 2010 2:46PM

Oy Vey In A Manger

I've been checking out creches. I am nuts about them; I used to put my Barbie in a shoebox and pretend it was the manger. I don't think I am the only Jewish girl to have done this. Barbie's Dream Manger could be a kickass hot ticket at… Read full post »

DECEMBER 20, 2010 7:08PM

Christmas in Starbuckistan

A post inspired by a comment Steve made at Starbucks this afternoon, although Steve is way too nice a person to have taken it to this level. And I bet he would not say "fuck". Ever.

I've dissed Starbucks before because they are teaching us that we deserve to… Read full post »

I know. It's been a long time.

I am really trying to figure out what I've been doing that has kept me from blogging, but honestly, other than deciding which kind of Moroccan Hair Oil to buy and making soup, I cannot remember much of this month. I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 7, 2010 7:16PM

IS IT OVER YET?????

It's hard enough just being a Jew. But having to celebrate Hanukkah EIGHT nights in a row? Fuuuuck.

I am exhausted. Not that I've done much Hanuka-ing this year. The kids are grown, there's really nothing Robin or I particularly want in terms of some stupid token gift, I… Read full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2010 3:51PM

Taxing My Energy

Well, this was just a matter of time. I have arthritis in my fingers.

Great. I need one of those Stephen Hawking voice computers now and I just spent my last thousand dollars on Moroccan Hair Oil and acai berry supplements.

Well, maybe it's not full-blown arthritis; I admit… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 30, 2010 11:28AM

My Inner Maccabee

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The best Chanukah gift I ever got waRead full post »

NOVEMBER 30, 2010 11:22AM

You Say Aquariums; I Say Aquaria

As far as I am concerned, the holiday season pales in excitement compared to the Winter Olympics, but then again, I don't compete in the holidays (see prior posts about my Olympic sock-skating career) so the buildup from Thanksgiving to New Years is denouement to me.

I had… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 27, 2010 4:50PM

My OBGYN Was A Cricket

My friend's daughter just got her period.

Now, me, I have sons so I never experienced that momentous event, but I remember when my sister got her period. Our family was in Mexico and it had been a tense trip, what with my sister exuding all sorts of coming-of-ageRead full post »

The closer we get to Thanksgiving, the more detached I feel from the whole thing.

It has nothing to do with the actual Thanksgiving; you know, the food, the family, the fact that someone from outside the family is coming this year, which means that I'm going to have… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 22, 2010 4:18PM

Shit That Doesn't Count, Redux

1. Calories; if you eat the food on an airplane. The higher the altitude, the less the calories. I've done the math. Well, not so much done the math as wished this were true.

2. Keeping the change not owed you if you are shopping in a chain store… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 19, 2010 2:40PM

Meanwhile, Back On The Commune....

Yeah, so Wade and I are cool.

But is that enough, really? Is having a black friend going to give me the edge I need to take my place in today's uber-PC, "fuck convention" world? I wanna be ghetto. And not just Warsaw Ghetto, either, like my friend… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 16, 2010 11:54AM

In Which I Reclaim My Badassitude

Hey, anyone heard from Wade?

Uh-oh.

I haven't heard from him, which is weird. I'm pretty sure the last thing he said to me at the market the other day was, "yeah, you can use my name, just spell it right."  Or maybe I just made that up right… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 14, 2010 1:11PM

What Would Wade Do?

I ran into my African American friend today.

You know Wade? Yeah, he's African American. I have an African American friend. A real one, too, not some African American person I recognize because we go to the same bank or dentist or something. Wade comes to my house and… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 11, 2010 6:28PM

Better Lunar Than Sooner

Do they still have traffic school?  Because I probably should go.

I haven't gotten a ticket or anything; it's just that the longer I drive, it is becoming more and more clear  that I am pretty much making up my own rules. The other day, for instance, as I… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 9, 2010 4:17PM

Pencils Down.

Okay, I'm off to loll about on the couch and watch TV for the rest of my life. I have fulfilled my duties as a mother. See ya next time around, suckas.

I spend a lot of time fretting over all the shit I did wrong with my… Read full post »