GREETINGS FROM THE LAND OF THE MORNING CALM!

Katchi Kapshida!

For everyone who wondered what the hell happened to Doug, now you know. The Army sent me to Korea! Yay!

Of course, getting here was an adventure in itself, but I'll save that for another time.… Read full post »

NOTE: Images unavailable due to technical difficultes.

Unless you are just emerging from a cave, deserted island or time warp, you know exactly what I’m talking about so let’s skip to the solutions part of the discussion.

Reality:  Gun bans will not get passed, no matte/… Read full post »

Dangerous Habits: Out of C… Read full post »

 Back in 47, no one cared if you smoked.  Here I was lighting up just after stuffing that dead hooker in the trunk.

Here's a dirty little secret....cigarettes are awesome.

If you’ve never smoked, there’s nothing like a long draw off a fresh smoke first… Read full post »

Coming out of the Swastika Closet

Anger.

Your inbred reaction has been anticipated down to the last minute of outrage.   You have no choice but to feel revulsion, if you are a modern civilized human being.

Go ahead and feel it.

Now let us continu… Read full post »

 

Meet Aji bin Haden.  He is 16 years old, the son of a farmer and lives in the northern Pakistan village of Harban Nala. 

He is also the nation’s youngest pilot and they call him the Hero of Harban.

One year ago his life was changed forever… Read full post »

 

Wormholes are all around us, playing along the very edge of reality. 

They’re inside of you  and the buildings around you. They’re… Read full post »

Mutually Assured Creation: 

 A Modest Proposal In the Realm of Human Spirituality

  "Just as matter may become energy and energy may become matter, so to can hardware become software and software become hardware."

 WARNING:  This a very large, involv/… Read full post »

Rotten Apple: How Steve Jobs Sold Out The Future

“Steve Jobs would have made a good King of France.” - Apple Employee

“Look at Apple! Apple to me has always been the model […] our motto needs to be Not Always Made In America […]use China for… Read full post »

Top 10 April Fools Headlines

10. President Obama announces his offical switch to the Republican Party.  "It's about time he came out of the closet," say party officals.  The president then joined the NRA and left on vacation.

9. Sara Palin immedialy joins the Democratic Party, stating "Wha… Read full post »

Abraham Lincoln is responsible for all of this shit. - Doug Socks 

“Hey, at least I didn’t have slave teeth dentures. Washington was the real douche. Fucking guy was masochist! Think about it. Who the fuck wants teeth from a fucking dead guy i… Read full post »

Looking at the diminutive little phone on my coffee table filled me with profound anticipation. 

Across from me, Gil fired up a bowl of a new synthetic drug called G6 (Similar to weed but untraceable and technically legal.)

Gil is the smartest man I know, and his… Read full post »

“What is the meaning of life?” I asked, staring at the holes of steely darkness in the drum of my dryer.  

“Know Thyself” said Paranoid Sam, my vintage dryer repair expert and personal guru.

“Don’t get Zen on me, I’m serious,” I… Read full post »

I used to believe that my love of  liberty could justify my ownership of dangerous tools designed to kill people.   

I no longer feel that way after the research I've done over the last ten days.

42,836 people died in 2004 as the direct result of an archaic, da… Read full post »

The rest of the convoy had left us behind, surrounded by dervishes and punished by the scorching breeze.  When I first heard the noise approaching, I knew it meant death.

The heart pounds in a special way when death approaches.

I was on convoy escort for a maintenan… Read full post »

 --- IMAGE NOT AVAILABLE  DUE TO GLITCH IN REALITY ---

It wasn't long after my time-space bending experiment with the new dryer that Jean showed up.

She had a big "C" branded on her forehead and wore what looked like a full body snuggie.  Other than that she looked pretty average.… Read full post »

It seems like only yesterday when I yawned into this world out of the pressing void and took my first breath.  My mother was so proud of me, just for being born.

Now I watch as my death approaches, as it did to everyone I know, and I wonder… Read full post »

WARNING: Do Not Read This If You Are Stoned

  “Death To America,” - Jimmy Carter’s Vengeful Double

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8:40 p.m. A single knock at the door, just as we had expected.

“Who is responsible for 9/11?&rdquo… Read full post »

Killer For The Dead

Right after he got back from the Philippines during the Second World War, my grandfather purchased about two dozen Springfield 30-06 barrels.

"Liberals are heartless and conservatives are pussies" said Fred, reloading his shotgun.  Naturally I quirked an eyebrow and called "Pull."

The little clay disk zoomed into the sky, orange and free in the crip air like a tiny U.F.O.  I mused at the fact we call th… Read full post »

"Look at those little bastards run, Zvee!  Just wait till we bring out the Probe!"  

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"So, have you heard about the UFO's over China?" I asked, swinging my Wii mote… Read full post »

"This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a 'WTF, where's my internet connection?"

My world ended in a silent screen.

A laptop that had survived Iraq, moving across 22 state lines, a drop from 15 feet down the stairs and the… Read full post »

Chicago, the windy city. Home to 2,853,114 people; a center for the arts, technology and industry.

Chicago is also home to thousands of criminals, illegal guns, violence and murder. 

Crime statistics in Chicago indicate that annually 35,106 violent crimes are committed,… Read full post »

Racisim is not evil, bad or wrong.  It is a harmless belief that can actually benefit individiuals, our nation and the world as a whole.

For too long we've simply accepted everything we've been told about racisim, without actually examining the potential benefits and positiv… Read full post »

Everything in our lives had led up to this exact moment.  I, driving in total unawarness, him poised at the edge of infinite danger. 

Little did I know a titanic struggle for survival was about to begin.

Before him, an ocean of black, scream… Read full post »