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JULY 6, 2008 11:10PM

I always feel like somebody's watching me

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Bianca lives in the corner. She's about six feet tall, wears a size four or six, and has a thing for bridesmaid dresses and disco makeup at all times. Lately, she's taken to wearing a long brown wig, but has also been known to wear a short blond pixie.

She had an accident a few years ago, and lost her hands - her replacement, still doesn't fit right. She's been compaining alot about it, so I keep looking on eBay for the right ones.

Bianca is a big girl - her nickname is Sasquatch, but since she comes apart at the waist she's manageable when she needs to travel. The movers really enjoyed her company last year, but weren't quite sure where it was PC to hold her.

Because she never blinks, Bianca can scare people who come to visit. I used to make her wear sunglasses, but she eventually put the cabash on that - and hid them.

We've had one big fight: when I sold my first condo, the realtor begged me to put her in the storage room, and I relented. Bianca has never let me forget this betrayal. 

Here she is with her boyfriend:


She was feeling fairly posh when I took this shot. She's a little vain being seen with the King.

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Yes I talk to her sometimes. Yes I change her clothes once in a while, especially for parties. She's like the big doll I didn't have when I was a kid, and I can keep playing dress-up. We've been roomates for something like 15 years now; I'm so used to seeing her when I get home each day that I can't imagine my home without her.

Did anyone see the movie "Lars and the Real Girl?" I can't tell you how many of my friends called me up to ask if I knew the writer or filmakers. And that maybe I should sue.

Finally, when I saw the open call about inanimate objects with feelings  I didn't even think of Bianca. It took me while. Feel free to begin the analysis now.

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not sure how long it would take for me to get used to her hanging around. but then, I think a guy having Bianca, it would be viewed about the same as having an inflatable sheep or something...not that I would know...I just heard about that stuff when visiting a friend of mine in Vancouver...really.

no, really.
I used to have friends/ neighbors in San Diego that regularly as a gag switched a mannikin between all our houses. We'd come home from work/school/errands and find a detached limb hanging out of our shower/closet/kitchen cabinet. It still creeps me out to this day.
You are awesome. That was really funny!

We moved a human sized blow-up Gumby around for many years.

And I have a dress makers dummy, no head or legs, that is exactly my size. It is like frome the 50's or something and you can pull strings and stuff to adjust it to specific measurements. I try outfits out on it, but usually it holds this beautiful quilted brocade coat that I never go anywhere important enough to warrent it.

I wonder if Bianca could wear contacts.
PD, you may have inspired me to tell the story of Ethyl. But just in case I chicken-or-time out, she was a sheep. Not inflatable, but still.

We had some times.
Dorelvis, it's not when you start talking to her that things will get hairy; it's when the two of you start arguing and you lose, then you'll need to tell her it's time to find her own place.

And Barry, I believe you man, suure..... ;-)
OOOH, very expensive bridesmaids dresses at that!
"The movers really enjoyed her company last year, but weren't quite sure where it was PC to hold her."

that cracked me up
Some people do find Bianca creepy, and some people think I'm creepy. But I think she's fun! And I can actually say that the bridesmaid dresses have been worn more than once. Yet another eccentricity that makes me stand out from the crowd.

Barry - you do worry me a bit;)
Farmer - I don't leave parts of her lying around.
ePriddy - I have one of those too
Lonnie - apparently you and Barry can reminisce
John - when that day happens I will need more meds
Lisa - pretty much the only pink I own
Fantastic! My own mannequin fascination is fortunately safe from ever delving into the "real doll" territory like Lars. Nonetheless, I am always mesmerized by their frozen, often contemplative facial expressions. When I'm walking along Broadway or 34th Street I can hear them speak to me through the shop glass! Some of them are just complaining about a typical dermatological concern like chipped eye paint, but nearly all of them are protesting what they are wearing, never fully accepting the fact that they were deemed not attractive enough to get better gigs on Madison and 5th Avenues. Rejection never goes down well when you are designed to carry a permanent air of smugness.
D, thanks for bringing us back to this!!!