This is an absolutely true story Book Index
(click on video to turn off music)
" Like diamonds, we are cut with our own dust." anonymous
DEVON
I know nothing about college admissions or selection. All I know is that my child has been reading newspapers since she was seven years old.
Devon was active in politics since she was eight, making certain I voted for Perot by not only accompanying me to her grade school where the voting process took place, but going as far as to supervise my decision in the booth. I let her actually poke the hole next to his name, so she could say she has been voting since she was a young child.
Along with this idealism, she had it in her head she was going to go to Northwestern. And she refused to settle for anything less. She took her SATs and did extremely well. I won’t lie, I can’t remember – but I think she got close to perfect.
She worked her ass off writing her essays to her selections, but the rule is she could only make one Ivy League choice. Or something of that nature.
As the letters arrived, some of the lesser schools automatically accepted her. She had an option to attend any college in the state free of charge due to her consistent high school career. But she was a white female in middle to upper middle class household. We all know that there are issues and I am not going to get into a political debate about it, but she would have had a much better chance if she was a child of color or grew up homeless. Even better if she were both.
We all waited pensively for the letter from Northwestern. I was told that if the envelopes were thin, she didn’t get in.
That rhymes. That sucks.
When the letter, instead of package, came from Northwestern, I did the worst thing a person could do.
I opened it. And now you will understand why I have taken so long to pick up on my story….
I stood with that thin envelope in my hand, my heart beating extremely hard and I am pretty certain I knew how it felt to have your heart literally break in two.
The letter was short. Full of bullshit reasons, and worse, full of typos! .
I was so angry. I didn’t waste time penning a letter, sending it by special delivery. My letters are usually very persuasive. But not this time. The return letter came directly from the dean who apologized for the “obvious lack of professionalism his staff showed, but unfortunately, the students had been registered for the year and Devon was high on the “wait list.” .
I sat on that letter for two weeks. I just couldn’t see my child hurt. That is what mothers do. Right? Every morning I woke up even more tortured. I couldn’t sleep at night.
Sometimes we need to think past emotion. I didn’t know she only had a limited amount of time to enroll in another Ivy League institution or college of her choice. Mel finally told her after two weeks and handed her the letter. I wish I had just resealed the letter, put it on her bed and taken a two week vacation while she destroyed the house.
Her anger with me was complete. It was as if that was the final straw. I have always been on trial with this child and the more I tried to protect her, the more damage I did.
In the end, she got a full ride to Drake - A FULL RIDE! She got her dorm room, her tuition and even some of her books. For six years! 3 years of pre-law and 3 years of law. It was a limited program they had just started and gave to 100 students total worldwide. And she was a personal selection.
She wasn’t happy. But they loved her. Her first job there was working for the dean. When she got sick, the president of the university and his wife sent me a letter asking me if they could go to her dorm and get her and bring her into their home because she was so insistent on making it to her classes. I still have that letter. It is a direct reflection on the child I raised. Devon from a very early age was very self-confident and always drew people to her. She was a person who had an effect on everyone she met.
Today she is a highly successful business woman living in a tony area of San Francisco.
But still, she would never forgive me.
By the way IISTG means If It Seems Too Good to be True
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Comments
I believe our karma takes us where we are needed.... and she'll forget about the letter, after she has her first child.
I am certain, btw, that one may apply to as many Ivy League Schools as one wants.
r.
Jonathan, I think it has something to do with "first choice". You must give a "first choice" letter to get a higher standing But that first choice also promises you have made no other "first choices".
I am glad that she is successful, you know better then anyone that she deserves it.
Lezlie
Maybe she sees too much of me in herself. Women in ther thirties, which she is just entering, seem to fall away from their mothers for a time. Let's hope that is all it is.
Last night a party was held for me and one of the gtirls, Brook, who found safety in my home, a haven, came to the party. She told me she wished her mother were like me and that I was the most awesome mother they all could have.
So maybe you can read something there....
I think your daughter, now being successful, and all, must be a good human, and love her mother, just like that.
Now I only cry when I read my comments.
And that's a good thing.
Rated.
No-one I ever met.
I played this particular video for two reasons.
Kelly Osbourne, her parents and her brother had a family meeting because she was acting out. She sat there dressed in her goth best and said
"Do you know how hard it is to be Ozzy Ozbornes child?!
Now everyone knows any highschool kid today would LOVE to be Ozzy's daughter.
second, she looks like Devon, exactly....lips and all.
He was not devastated. He had visited campus and liked it so he applied but went to a school he liked better and was probably a better fit for him.
NU is a wonderful school. That being said, there are many successful people who did not attend Harvard, Stanford or NU and have made a huge contribution to society or been successful as they or the world define success. (Which is an entirely different discussion....)
People do the best with what they know, as parents, as students, in life. I'm sure you did the best you could as a mother, and she will do the best she can if she has children.
I'm so sorry that you are estranged. Having just lost my own mother this year with whom I had a very tempetutous relationship in my teens and twenties, I feel your pain. I hope she will read your blog and have a further mature understanding of your love and attitude toward her at that time.
Peace.
" I have always been on trial with this child and the more I tried to protect her, the more damage I did. "
someday a verdict will be reached on you.
innocent.
not guilty.
i hope that it is not after u are dead.
in my family, that is how it was.
the judge made his/her verdict, but the accused was not
in the courtroom.
rated with love
Amy, you are truly a sister mother . Yet if I had to turn back time, I only hope I would have made better decisions.
Brazen, yes, I have seen that movie, over and over, and each time I think of Devon.
Stathi, I cannot imagine you being any less than a “gem” as a daughter. I see your work and read your kindness and find it difficult to believe you have these flaws. I too was a vacation daughter. Anything longer than 6 days and I was headed for trouble. So I just claim that was the only way for me to get cheap tickets.
Jon, yes, that is exactly what happened. The problem was, I did not get it to her in time to make a second choice before the deadline was up. Northwester sends out there treacherous letters within a time frame that allows you to make a second choice. So again, you are correct. But still, when we went to the seminars for the various colleges, they made a big deal out of the “first choice” letters being made. I do not understand why they claim to require you only pick one. The words “first choice” mean just that. I would think if you made other choices, you could do it without sending the letter and then if your first choice comes thru, you will honor that, no matter how many others you apply. On one hand I can understand these colleges with such lofty expectations know they are desired and do not want to run through the muck of going thru the wait list, even though the wait list is there just for that prpose. But JW, you are always on the ball and I will always defer to your knowledge.
James, you are always on the mark with your outstanding words.
Elizabeth, Finally, someone who has seen it from the otherside.
You have no idea how much it meant to me to hear you forgave your father. (BTW, I worked at a company here in Houston with an Elizabeth Blessing, is that a relation to you?)
Poetess, yes, you have been gone. I am so glad to hear you are back and writing yor beautiful prose.
Serita, I don’t know where to take your comment. The incident I was referring to was Homeless to Harvard,
The other was a King of the hill episode where the Asian neighbor who was highly gifted, was rejected by Rice and other colleges of high caliber. Her father who worked his butt off to make certain her college status was in place, got so angry, he quit his job, they almost ended up on the street. When she went in for another interview with that story they accepted her because of her plight and not her knowledge. I know this is built on fantasy.
But what is fact is Michigan State was taken to task for their bias towards a more colorful, albeit less qualified students.
A quote directly from the study “Likewise, Hispanic students with average GPAs and average MCAT scores were about twice as likely to be accepted as white applicants (68.7% vs. 35.9%), and more than twice as likely as Asian applicants (68.7% vs. 30%).
“Likewise, Hispanic students with average GPAs and average MCAT scores were about twice as likely to be accepted as white applicants (68.7% vs. 35.9%), and more than twi
ce as likely as Asian applicants (68.7% vs. 30%)."
Hopefully you are not concerned about my compassion. I wear it on my sleeve daily.
The links don't work, but here they are
Homeless to Harvard
Reverse racism in todays univeristies
I can certainly tell you that the competition today in the Ivies is such that were we to have to apply today, I doubt my brother and I would have been admitted. It's a lot harder to get into some schools now that in '69 or '75 when I, then he, were admitted.
And please, don't get me wrong. A CC diploma should be more powerful than it is. I didn't give it the stigma.