Desperate Salon's Blog

We are not Swans

Desperate Salon

Desperate Salon
California, USA
June 14
Online articles. Interviewed by CNN Money, NBC affiliate, radio/internet shows and WalletPop (AOL). Sold a 15 minute screenplay to Playboy cable channel. Contributing writer for the book publication "The D-Days of Europe, An Assault Boater's Memoir". Contributed to the screenplay "Coyote Crossing". Previous writer for the former Santa Barbara Metro Newspaper; interviewing motion picture crews filming in the Santa Barbara area. Previous technical writer for the Department of Defense and the Association of Realtors Multiple Listing Service.

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FEBRUARY 18, 2011 9:12AM

Infidelity, DNA and sex hormones go hand in hand

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Hand in Hand
With becoming ever so popular, there is more and more perfidy going on.  An attached person can easily go online, make them anonymous and find a new bedroom buddy.  Does that mean we need to be more attentive with our significant others?  Perhaps we should look at why people cheat on their love ones. 


We all know the moral aspect of it. When something likes this happens, we raise the ethical flag.  Infidelity has been on for centuries. Do you ever really look at the components of unfaithfulness?  With the many conversations that I have had with married men, they are tired of trying to be intimate with their partner and their significant other is not giving in.

Obviously communication is a major component of which I will touch on later.  But let’s dig a little deeper.  My own personal – and totally unscientific – theory about this is to consider our DNA.  According to Wikipedia, the Bonobo is the closest extant relative to humans. 98% of the same genes.  The reason Bonobos are perceived to be a matriarchal species is that females tend to collectively dominate males and commonly engage in casual sexual activity, as well as significant homosexual contact.  They also do not form permanent relationships with individual partners. 

These previously called Pygmy Chimpanzee, are well known to have frequent sex and will also use sex to help prevent and resolve conflicts. Is that where make up sex comes in? What’s the saying? Let’s make love not war.

Since the females dominate the males in the love making department, it seems they are the ones who decide if there is going to be any sex or not.  If our closet relatives are not forming permanent relationships and there is no sex going on, then the dominated male will find someone else to have sex with.

Now let’s look at why a female may not desire to be intimate as often as her male companion would like her to be.  Most of the men I have spoke to who are dealing with women who don’t want to make love are typically women in their pre-menopausal or menopausal stages of life.  Sex hormones play a big part of our lives.

Falling in love decreases men's testosterone levels while increasing women's testosterone levels. It is speculated that these changes in testosterone result in the temporary reduction of differences in behavior between the sexes.  On average, an adult human male body produces about ten times more testosterone than an adult human female body, but females are more sensitive to the hormone.

So Ladies if your libido has depleted; you might want to consider getting your hormone rankings checked.  It is really best to get hormone levels checked anyway since they can be other medical ramifications.  If you have a well balanced body, than it can contribute to a well balanced mind.  Hence good communique is in order.

Let’s talk about communication.  Now to have a good argy-bargy, you have to exclude outside interference.  That means friends and family.  It is amazing that all of a sudden the outsiders become therapist right on the spot.  A good analogy for an example is when you are trying to buy or sell real estate.  Once everyone knows your objective, they instantly become real estate agents.  Just since you have experienced one real estate transaction, doesn’t make you a Realtor.  So the next thing you know you have several different opinions coming at you from these unlicensed individuals. This could include accountability on their judgment.  You have to let them know if you have acted on their persuasion.  That sort of stress is not what you need since the relationship is strained.

The best thing to do if you can not discuss your issues with your mate, then seek a professional.  I believe an un-bias opinion is safer.  Don’t you?  Who knows, perhaps the arrangement or marriage is not worth salvaging.

We are not swans and we can grow tired of our mate.  The possibilities of us staying together are not that great.

So the next time you feel like cheating or someone is cheating on you, think of yourself as a Bonobo and not a Swan.

© copyright 2011 – Desperate Salon

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