Desperate Salon's Blog

We are not Swans

Desperate Salon

Desperate Salon
California, USA
June 14
Online articles. Interviewed by CNN Money, NBC affiliate, radio/internet shows and WalletPop (AOL). Sold a 15 minute screenplay to Playboy cable channel. Contributing writer for the book publication "The D-Days of Europe, An Assault Boater's Memoir". Contributed to the screenplay "Coyote Crossing". Previous writer for the former Santa Barbara Metro Newspaper; interviewing motion picture crews filming in the Santa Barbara area. Previous technical writer for the Department of Defense and the Association of Realtors Multiple Listing Service.

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SEPTEMBER 15, 2009 5:44PM

salon des refusés (It's in English)

Rate: 3 Flag

Hi There,

Why do ask being called Desperate Salon? Oh I don't know.  My first blog.  It is hard to start one.  Knowing me, once I start writing it takes a while for my fingers to get tired.

Salon des refusés (french) means 'exhibition of art that has been rejected by an official body.'   Our body and minds is works of art.  But to be rejected, refused, and denied, your art fades as if you have been overexposed to the elements in poorly designed museum.  I feel like I do need a restoration.

The original work of art that I was born with actually stills looks pretty good.  I get complemented on my great skin, pretty eyes and great lips quite often.  I still have a smile on my face that hides my internal tears.   My poor soul is tired and beaten down.

Who is the official body?  That is whom ever you perceive it to be I guess.  It could be a God you believe in, society or just yourself. 

My real estate career of 7 1/2 years has petered out.   I just do not have the fire that I always had.  Everyday I would be involved in someway of doing business.  One day one of clients said that they were going to wait on purchasing a replacement home and that was the last straw.  I decided the proverbial towel.  I was done.

Now that I am 50 and I look at where I am in life, it gets pretty scary.

This year alone consists of deciding not to be a real estate agent anymore.  I have moved three times.  My father died.  An attorney put a bank lien on my checking account and took my last $500.   Now I just carry cash.  I have sold or given away a lot of personal possessions.  I am sure there is more but I just can't recall, blocked it out or to embarrassed to share.  My short term memory seems to be fading.  Is it stress?  Is it that time in my hormonal life of where getting a good night sleep is next to impossible?

With the recession, my father dying, unable to find work and so forth, I am depressed.  I try to keep my head above water but I keep swallowing the fluid of life.

Well as Jonathon Winters put it, "if your ship does not come in, swim out to it".  I hope I don't drown getting there.

I will write again soon.  I don't want to overblog you.

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Ooo, Girl, you need a dose of encouragement! I'm so glad you found OS and hope that you will find this here. Don't give up, things will get better one day soon. You have it in you to continue, I can tell!
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You have come to the right place to sort out your thoughts and share your emotions. Bienvenue. Here, no one is disparu....