I have not been able to bring myself to read the multiple stories here concerning Trayvon Martin for one reason Chace Coe. Chace was my son and he was shot in the back of his head with an AK-47 one night in February 1993. I had just returned back in Elmont, NY after a winter in South Carolina. It was a long lonesome drive except for my dog Sunny, who was my constant companion. I recall I hadn't been asleep long... when the call came.
My boyfriend answered the phone, but I woke up because it was the middle of the night, and those calls are always bad news. I watched my boyfriend's face, between the color leaving his face, and his stunned silence I knew whatever it was it was bad. He looked at me and said it's your grandmother. I could hear her crying no -- wailing-- before I put the phone to my ear. When I said, "Motherdear what is it?" She screamed,"He's been shot! Chace has been shot!" I was scared to ask if he was dead, because I didn't want to know. No mother wants to know.
Once I found out he was in the hospital I packed my stuff, because I had to catch a plane to Gary, Indiana. I had to get to my child before he died. I had to let him know that I loved him, and I had to bargain with God for his life. My boyfriend made the arrangements then he got me to the airport right away. I recall that there were moments of great calm, as well as hysterical crying fits through the flight; but the flight attendants were wonderful with me. They even bumped me to first class, which was pretty empty they even tried to give me free drinks. I refused the drinks, and hid my face in a pillow to avoid making the other passengers feel uncomfortable.

My son didn't officially die before I got to him, but he was brain dead: we arranged with the hospital to keep him alive until my family could make it from various parts of the country.
People keep talking about how well Trayvon's parents are holding up in light of what they are dealing with. And I can only speak for myself, but when your child has been killed, and you know who did it--that-- becomes your focus. You still have the moments when you lose it, but you have something much more pressing than grief that keeps you moving. It isn't about revenge, at least it wasn't for me, but it was about justice for my child.
What far too many Black parents find is that justice is hard to come by if the media doesn't pick up the story, and most of the time they don't. Our children's lives are thrown on the dung heap of what passes for a justice system. If it isn't gang related; or a death because your child was killed while in the commission of a crime, and if the crime doesn't solve itself...it isn't like Law & Order. The detective didn't contact me after her initial contact, which was to introduce herself. She also let me know that my son was one of those rare cases of a victim that everybody liked.
The next time we spoke she attempted to label him a gangbanger. I asked her based on what? She told me he hung out with a group of boys, and that they had been in fights in high school. At that point I educated her that I had grown up in middle-class white neighborhoods, and that my friends had grown up with each other, and they often went to parties and got into fights. The difference is at no time would the cops have labeled them gangbangers for doing what teen boys do. I also informed her to think of me as white, and to not make that mistake with me again.

We spoke once after that. I had called the police with a lead on the van used in Chace's murder, my detective was off so I left her a message. You would think in a murder investigation that another detective would have taken the information and checked it out. When I called her three days later she hadn't even gotten the message, or so she claimed. She was more interested in how I had gotten the information than using it to find a killer. I was later educated that police don't have to investigate murders. That way if they don't do their job, you can only sue them if you can prove collusion between the cop and the killer.
My father hired a private investigator, for $5,000.00 he went to the police station once, and he was told there was no investigation of Chace's murder. I was later told the same thing when I spoke with a policeman. I went to the local paper and spoke with them about my son, but a little blonde haired, blue eyed girl had gone missing. In the real world black kids aren't a priority. So I called the Oprah Winfrey show, surely she would care, also Gary is just 32 miles outside Chicago. I never heard from Oprah.
Chace and I never saw justice: three years after his death a Federal taskforce brought his killer to trial. The evidence they had was based on the information I had given the police. I had gotten the information about who drove the van; who was in the car, who shot Chace, and what they did with the van from a twelve year old. He was a student of my friend, and I befriended him on my visits to their class. I encouraged him to study and lavished him with attention, because he had behavior problems. He responded by telling me everything after my friend took him some of Chace's comics, which I wanted him to have. The driver was his brother.
The taskforce had no weapon, no van, and no motive. Their witnesses were serving time. One was a drug dealer doing 50 years on a federal cocaine charge. He had been in the car. The other was a convicted arsonist, his girlfriend bought the missing gun, which was sold to the defendant. The Assistant DA that tried the case had never tried a murder case, and she met with my grandmother and myself once for less than half an hour. She never conveyed to the jury the wonderful artist and kid that had been shot for a car amplifier. In three days she did nothing other than present a bare bones case, and let a killer go free.
I'm not angry or bitter that Trayvon's parents have been able to use social media to draw attention to their son. Their use of social media to drive the "real" media to the circumstance of their son's death gives me hope. I not only hope they will get justice, but I hope that other parents use social media to drive a nation to see that justice isn't for everybody.


Salon.com
Comments
I saw the criminal justice system up close . I always figured that I got so shafted, at every turn, because my case was for a no jail time misdemeanor. But, I always assumed it was different for murder or other serious crimes. I saw too that getting sued was everyone's primary concern. And, I saw that the press has no interest in so many important stories .
When I threatened to sue I almost was decimated by the system. Everything was done to assure them victory thought they knew I'd done nothing. Things were done that were "unprecented" I am told.
In the end, a judge threw out all the charges but what a road to get there.
@June I knew I would eventually write about it June, very sad that I am doing it in relation to this story. But I was having this discussion with some workmates who marveled at the strength of his parents. I would bet they break down often and probably not in view of the public, they have work to do. Thanks to you both.
Awareness of what is really happening out there off the computer and what we can do to help. Thanks Fernsy for telling us about this post.
rated with love
I hope through your writing that you find at least a small pocket comfort from which you can retrieve a little peace.
~R~
The system was filthy from the public defenders to the prosecutors to the police to the judges. It sounds like too much and it was too much. One good miracle, a black judge, saved me after 2 long years. He was swiftly removed from that courthouse after my trial was over.
I hope your post is widely read. It is really something . It must have been so hard to write. Again, my condolences, and kudos for the courage to get this out to others.
I am so sorry, which sounds so lame. But I truly am, for this and so many, many others.
http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2012/03/new_orleans_police_shooting.html
@Lea Lane it took time to get here I went through every one of the 7 phases of grief. I think social media is giving us an opportunity to make any child's death matter.
@Clay Ball you have given me great comfort.
@SheilaTgTg55 you said enough and I thank you.
@dirndl skirt my detective was romancing the chief, whom she married, she was promoted to deputy chief and they were both fired. True story.
@suzie I know far too many people see little or no justice. I met a woman at Parent's of Murder Victims who turned around in a bank line only to see her son's murder (he was killed for a basketball foul) standing behind her after 3 years in jail.
@Fernsy how horrible my aunt was a prison guard and took my younger brother and myself when we were in grade school to scare us straight beforehand. I can't imagine being there when you're not supposed to be. Actually I can, which makes it even worse.
@eyespye I feel my son led me to his murderer, I'm at peace. Glad Fernsy led you here.
@Romantic Poetess I'm also glad that Fernsy led you here. I think social media is making us more aware of these cases think of Oscar Grant.Though he didn't receive much justice people are paying attention and even the sh*tsack they have for a Governor in Florida is aware he can't sit back and do nothing.
@jlsathre I'm glad I did too thanks for reading it.
@Myriad you said enough really and thanks
@Barbara I will read it. Thank you
I too, am glad Trayvon's story is getting the coverage it is. Maybe other while people will stop telling me things aren't as bad as I think they are.
My thoughts are with you. Losing a child is something you get through, but never get over...at least that's my experience.
To most of them it's a badge and a gun which means they can demand the "Respect" they have no desire to earn. Law Enforcement Professionals are a far cry from the "Andy Taylors" I knew growing up in a small town in the '50s. We had our Barnys as well, but they never killed anyone. Prosecutors are worse. Just loking for someone who they can make "look good " for it, and if one isn't standing right there, oh well, They still get paid. I would say I can't imagine your pain, but I can imagine it, and I know I've never felt anything close to it.
The problem I see is that of putting too much emphasis on Black vs White. They are all our children, and none of them deserve to be murdered by cops or cop wannabes, or treated as if they aren't important enough for an effort to dispense Justice.
sadly, it is the pervasive attitude of Daryl Gates, "You "Civilians" are all guilty of something, we just haven't caught you yet" ( and when we catch we'll kill without any fear of being charged with us)
Who indeed will guard us from our guardians?
I'm so sorry for your loss
-R-
Sadness can Be almost unbearable . . .
I felt your pain. We who are human feel.
Care is Courage.
Take Care. O Pain.
You hang in there.
`
The Thirteenth Psalm - To the Chief Musician -
`
How long (O Lord) shall I forgotten be?
What? ever?
How long wilt thou hide thy hidden face from me
Dissever?
How long shall I consult with careful sprite
In anguish?
How long shall I with foes' triumphant might
Thus languish?
Behold me Lord, let to thy hearing creep
My crying.
Nay, give me eyes, and light, lest that I sleep
In dying:
Lest my foe brag, that in my ruin he
Prevailed;
And at my feet fall they joy that, troublous, me
Assailed.
No, no, I trust thee, and joy in thy
Great pity:
Still therefore of thy graces shall be my
Song's ditty
`
`
You know . . .
ref fernsy etc:
No fair justice
I'll no tell all
But take care
Sad/Beauty
We grieve
Together
Bless you
To Confused - what a low, vile thing to write. Your comment is inexcusable. The only appropriate response here is to offer your sympathies, outrage and horror at her son's death and subsequent lack of justice for his murder (just in case you never received proper instruction in how to act.)
I am so sorry for your loss, and once again thank you for sharing such a personal story. Chace was a beautiful boy. I've had my own frustrations with the justice system, and I must say I admire (and am amazed at) the hopeful and positive outlook you've been able to maintain on life after going through an experience like this that strikes at the core of the society we live in. Thanks you again for sharing this story.
Lezlie
Social media has given a voice to those who would otherwise never be heard, and I hold with you the intention that it will serve to create actual justice for all, not just those with money.
There is rarely justice for one considered white-trash, redneck, river-rat, etc. either.
The members of my family's current generation no longer live by the river, although some are still considered redneck, white-trash.
Neither of my daughters are blond, but they are "pretty little white girls", so if one of them went missing, law enforcement would leave no stone unturned until they were found. If one was raped or killed, law enforcement would quickly find the person(s) responsible and they would be in prison before they had time to blink 10 times.
A little black or Hispanic girl or boy, eh, it would take more time to find them, or the murderer, assuming they were ever found.
No life is more important than another.
This makes me livid, sick to my stomach.
The murderer(s) of Chace, Trayvon, so many others before them and the ones who will be victims after them (we know there will be countless more) should at least be convicted on theft charges, because the families, friends, the world in general has been and will be robbed of precious, beautiful, loving souls. It's almost a blessing to not know how many ways they could have made this world a better place.
I'm sure you are sick and tired of hearing people say "I can imagine how you feel". No, unless it has happened to someone, no one can imagine how you feel. I'm also sure you have heard "You are so strong, I wouldn't be able to handle it". What other choice is there, lay down on the freeway, let yourself be run down by a semi-truck? Not an option when there are still people who love you, depend on you.
Few would be strong enough to sit down and type out the words you did.
I hope the pain will eventually stop being so raw for you.
God bless you for sharing this with us.
I wish I could say I am surprised by the detective and police dept., but in having my own dealings with them, the only thing I can say is justice is sold to the highest bidder. I am sorry you were made to feel that your loss was insignificant. You didn't deserve that, nor did your son.
Thank you for sharing your story today. I applaud you for your strength, because I don't know if I would have had it. I wish much healing for you and your family.
I am so choked up right now, I'm not thinking straight. I thought I had words to add to this, but they won't come. You are a courageous woman and this is some remarkable writing. May the memories of your wonderful son bring you peace.
Makes your story even more poignant.
@Erica K I'm far from a hero, but Trayvon's mom is right this is about wrong and right.
@asia rein thank you very much my family deeply appreciates your kind thoughts.
@scanner did you see that in Wisconsin a boy was killed because he was at a party that the police broke up he thought they were chasing him. He hides on someone's enclosed porch bam gets killed. They have the same secure domain or stand your ground law, but guess who isn't protected? If a fireman is trying to rescue you from a burning building and you shoot them that is covered under the law. Only police are exempt but EMTs and Firemen aren't. How crazy is that?
@Thank you Algis I'm at peace.
@Joan H thank you xo
@cc darling greetings and thank you for your comment and for what you said to 803.
@bobbet from your lips to God's ears. That is also my wish.
@fernsy I know can you say working the system? OMG
@Ted apparently the one thing the "justice" system is good at is giving people trouble or walking around difficult murder cases. And the best thing they are good at is bringing people out of the woodwork. Thank you all very much.
Your son was a beautiful boy.
There are many of us out here in America who know the face of injustice and bigotry first hand. Sometimes I wonder how I am still alive. I have had several close encounters with death. I don't know if I was clever or just lucky. One thing I do know is who I should not trust. Even though I have white skin, I know from experience, that justice is not meant for everyone in America. When I see a uniform or a badge, my first inclination is not to feel safe. I feel threatened instead. It's just something I'll never shake.
Your son's picture reminds me of my Godchild, Adam. I know what happened is a part of you at the cellular level now. That it will never go away. But I hope kind words from others can at least provide some hope and support. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain!
As whites become the minority, I worry - so many seem to feel backed into a corner, the worst kind of trapped animal. And our pervasive gun culture has spun out of control. All we can do is love our children and grandchildren - it is their best protection. Namaste.
I think I might have gone insane .
The fact that your story of your beautifu,happy boy child stands beside that of trayvon,could become a sign of solidarity forthe fight for justice.Oh,my God,how many people have to die,especially black ones in the long history of murder from the day of capture of their homeland to this day.They sum up to millions by now,I would think.How could you ever come over this?There is never any forgetfulness of this horrific nightmare.
This beautiful child of yours is telling us that there are much more values to live by than hate and murder.
It is so very important that cases like these are wide spread so petitions might eventually bring about the change.
Rated with love for you,your son and your family.
The courage it took to write this, much less to live through it, is astounding and humbling.
Prejudice is learned, it doesn't just pop out of the woodwork. I am so saddened to hear about the loss of your son, no matter the time passed, this pain will always be there. I also feel your pain is overshadowed by the deep love you have for your child. Such a beautiful boy, and even though the world seems to not believe anymore, you will see him again. Being sorry for your family's frustration and anger is not enough. As a mother of grown boys, my heart goes out to you. Thank-you for this write.
Your boy had an adorable smile.
I hope you might consider writing about him more.
`
Justice . . .
Discussed.
I Relaunched.
Kerry did
make me
relaunch
`
I saw Michell
Holt y Roybal
`
Who do I groan to?
Eric Holder? Joan?
Pa Pa of Bill Gates?
`
Justice . . .
Discussed.
I Relaunched.
Kerry did
make me
relaunch
`
I saw Michell
Holt y Roybal
`
Who do I groan to?
Eric Holder? Joan?
Pa Pa of Bill Gates?
&
&
I think comment smell.
stuck `gin,
`
Justice . . .
Discussed.
I Relaunched.
Kerry did
make me
relaunch
`
I saw Michell
Holt y Roybal
`
Who do I groan to?
Eric Holder? Joan?
Pa Pa of Bill Gates?
&
&
I think comment smell.
stuck `gin,
&
&
3rd try. Kerry speak.
He a Hell's Angel, huh?
He a nasty beast brute!
Much as I share the grief and outrage over Trayvon's murder, I've been having a hard time reconciling the firestorm of interest in one child's death with the fact that so many others, equally innocent, are killed daily for the same ugly reason but in complete obscurity. I applaud his brave parents for igniting a national outcry, but as helpful as social media is, we all know how often something else comes along to grab attention away.
That his killer, and your son's are walking free is a damning indictment of the world we continue to inhabit. No matter how genuine their intentions, you show us that social media should be used to shine spotlights on the hate-filled murderers and the indifferent justice systems instead of supporters in hoodies.
You're in my prayers.
Thank you for this perspective.
This might also interest you. See Trayvon Martin: Defense a Pig-Sty Beneath a Racist Facade?
Thank you for this perspective.
This might also interest you. See Trayvon Martin: Defense a Pig-Sty Beneath a Racist Facade?
Thanks for writing this story. We all need to know what it's like on the inside of such tragedies. You make your son immortal.
I wish there were justice for all.
Trayvon Martin was a cream-puff as a football player (an other fact they have failed to tell you!). No linebacker he was 6ft 3 and mere 140lbs on the day. Skin n bone! His nickname was ''Slimm" and he was armed to the teeth with a bag of Scuttles. What a formidable opponent!
But I’m sure it was that plastic bottle of iced tea that really struck terror in the heart of Zimmerman who ‘stood his ground’ and chased him down and shot him when Travon tried to defend himself.
This is not a question of bad law as much as bad law enforcement. An injustice you are all too familiar with.
Zimmerman is toast. This ‘defense’ is his admission. This one will NOT slip through the cracks. I predict this jury will be instructed that they cannot even entertain this defense. A "directed verdict"
Zimmerman. stripped of the defense will be left with Florida common law self-defense but not this statutes. This defense is Trayvon's silver bullet.
Thank you for bringing Chace here, for telling us about him, about his artistry. Thank you for allowing us to walk a while beside you.
Somehow I suspect Chace knew exactly how lucky he was to have you as his mother, to have a love that would love forever. How not to love this lovely one. May your words be heard a thousand fold.
PEOPLE DO NOT KILL OUR FUTURE, THEY KILL THEIR FUTURE.
WE LOVE YOU!!!