Dennis Knight

Dennis Knight
Location
Whittier, California, USA
Birthday
December 31
Title
I'm the typist of those little labels you find in the pockets of your new trousers.
Company
www.dknightpost.com
Bio
I own several ant farms, but the little fellas haven't produced a single crop.

MY RECENT POSTS

JANUARY 6, 2010 8:57AM

Happy Birthday Cat with Catnip

Rate: 77 Flag

By Frank Indiana and Dennis Knight

Lorraine tiara 2

January 6th is Will Someone Feed The Cat’s birthday. That being the case, we decided to compose a Wrap, featuring 10 of Cat’s offsite articles.

It’s our way of saying, “Thanks for caring about others with passion and for making OS an even better and more inclusive place than it ever would be without you.”

For those of you who don’t know Cat, her real name is Lorraine. She writes for The Toronto Star and The Hamilton Spectator. Her columns run twice weekly.

Yep. That’s two deadlines a week.

Lorraine has also been published in various other forums and publications; most recently being awarded, January’s Humor Writer of the Month by the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, and featured in their January Newsletter.

Lorraine works tirelessly here at Open Salon, finding and spotlighting the talent of OS members in her now famous (or infamous) Friday Wraps.

She does this for free. Unless you count the standard accumulated tippem fees which I’m guessing are probably somewhere between .000001 - .0000001 ¢ents per year - just like the rest of us.

She reads our stuff, writes succinct and heartfelt reviews, and gives Open Salon writers what they hope for: a chance to shine and be read by others.

Oh. And the opportunity to wear a tiara.

As a disclaimer, Frank is a former recipient of the coveted Friday Wrap Tiara Award. It now resides in his trophy room, along with hundreds (actually thousands) of other awards.

We were going to ask Lorraine to take a picture of herself wearing a tiara for this piece. But it turns out she wears one most of the time in real life. Here she is being photographed with a pal on a recent trip. Note the headgear. Sheesh.

Lorraine tiara1

Okay then. Enough introduction. Here’s our birthday present to Lorraine. 10 articles written in Lorraine’s inimitable style and reviewed by us - with a tiny featurette at the end, titled, Cat Nip, revealing a few little known and somewhat shocking truths about her life.

Happy Birthday Lorraine. You done good kid.

L's Dad

~~~

Lorraine’s Articles from Wheels - Reviewed by Frank

In an auto industry gone “Humpty Dumpty” (Lorraine’s most apt description), what makes you think everything’s going to be the same when you turn in your leased vehicle? As usual, Lorraine’s way ahead of you. In Returning Your Lease? Don’t Get Gouged, she chats up the president of Automobile Protection Association, who offers lots of tips for people whose leases are about to expire. “He also notes that APA experts, on average, have reduced the estimated tab to lessees by as much as 50%,” says Lorraine. Dang. Who even knew there was such a thing as the APA?

We all personalize our vehicles. Some people go for fuzzy dice. Some people want statues of St. Christopher and dream catchers. (I go for cracked jewel cases and candy wrappers on the floor.) In My Next Car Comes With A Chainsaw, Lorraine has some words for you: “Windows are to see through, not declare where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or that you’re protected from evil spirits. I remain baffled by consumers who revel in owning all the latest in airbag technology and the finest braking systems, who then plunk a box of Kleenex in their back window and a GPS in the centre of their field of vision.” Note the Canadian spelling of “center.” Don’t even ask about the chainsaw.

Don’t get Lorraine started on names. It seems that Renault has decided to name its newest model “Zoe.” With an umlaut over the “e.” (Shades of Spinal Tap!) And lots of prickly French parents have their berets in a twist. But in What’s In A Name?, Lorraine points out how car names have become kid names. Many of us know a Mercedes, a Dakota, a Sierra. Back in the ‘80s, I considered naming my son Gremlin after the car I was driving at the time. I passed. But his middle name is Country Squire.

I make no bones about it: I am terrified of motorcycles. I come by my terror honestly; from the time I was old enough to ride a trike, my mother made me understand that “motorcycle” was a synonym for “instant death. Butch Kelly’s parents agreed with mine. But that didn’t stop her from marrying Jim and becoming part of a group known as the Steel City Riders. “Part of a group like your heart is part of your body,” notes Lorraine. Lorraine was there when Butch was inducted into the Canadian Motorcycle Hall of Fame—and wrote a beautiful portrait of Butch for her readers. Which include me. There’s nothing scary about reading about motorcycles, especially when Lorraine’s doing the writing.

Leave it to Lorraine to provide holiday tips for—wait for it—parking. Boxing Week Rules is a practical mediation how to keep everything—including your car, your packages, your keester, and, most of all, your sanity—safe this holiday season. Hey, the parking lot is a dangerous place. Lorraine shows you how to negotiate it with her typical grace and good humor. She also references “Boxing Week,” which is apparently something they celebrate in Canada.

 ~~~

Lorraine’s Articles from Motherlode & Other Features - Reviewed by Dennis

Okay. I admit this is one of my personal favorites. Picture Lorraine trying to talk her sister Gillian into appearing on a Canadian reality TV show called, Mantracker. Got that image firmly in your mind? Now add the concept of the show: Lorraine and Gillian are “the prey,” released into a remote wilderness in Canada for 36 hours and hunted by Mantracker - Terry Grant. This is classic stuff folks.

Lorraine’s family is often the inspiration for the funny as well as the nostalgia in her posts. This one features a Canadian TV show about people who never throw anything away, “to do” lists that may never get done, and undiagnosed metal disorders as the fodder for the whimsy.

Ever have to take your kid to get his driver’s license renewed? Well, imagine a similar scenario in Canada except it’s the renewal of a health card. Watch Lorraine and her son spar in the government office and smile along with them for the camera. This link takes you right to the Toronto Star.

If you’ve never visited Lorraine’s blog you really should. Her blog is a little different than her columns. She’s a bit freer to express herself at her snarkiest. Which is always very entertaining. Scroll down to the entry for December 21, 2009, titled, “Slate and the Explainer.” Prepare to hold your sides and become an instant fan of the blog.

Last but not least, Lorraine writes an advice column titled, Blame It On Lorraine. Yep. You can send in a question and receive an answer. You’ll find her replies are witty, wise, and whimsical. You’ll also recognize the same caring compassionate heart we’ve come to admire here at Open Salon, offering counsel seasoned with kind humor. 

~~~

Cat Nip

Lorraine says she loves to meet pressing needs in her community. We’re not really sure where that community is. And we’re not really sure we want to know.

Meals Final

 ~~~

As most of you know, the only member on Open Salon that Lorraine has chosen to “favorite” is The National Geographic Channel.

The reason for this is not really much of a mystery.

Lorraine Cash Final

 ~~~

Lorraine is fond of boasting about her Canadian citizenship. But in the course of researching this piece (okay, using the Google on the internets) we came across this embarrassing photo. Note what appears to be the Canadian border flag in the distance.

Lorraine us
 
~~~

Lorraine met with us in Fort Lauderdale, Florida to discuss this birthday article.

She expressed outrage after realizing that we both use stock photos boosted from the internet for our avatars. We had assumed her photos were fake too.

Lorraine partied with us anyway and after plenty of gin, Night Train, and a few warm pints of Guinness she talked us into posing for a photograph.

She threatened to expose us by posting the photo of our actual faces unless we promised not to publish this birthday piece.

We weighed the consequences and decided to outfox the Cat and post the photo ourselves. Here's Cat with the two of us, whooping it up at the Florida club.

Frank L and Dennis

  ~~~

The rest of this post is for the Open Salon family to leave whatever comments you want for Lorraine. Try hard to embarrass the heck out of her  :)

We were able to contact only a few of you about this post. All of you would have been contacted if we had not run out of time. Open Salon is a huge family now. So please know that each and every one of you is important, appreciated, respected, and - equally - asked to comment on this post.

~~~

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FIRST. yahoooooooooooooo and yippppppeeeeee.

Happy Birthday, fellow Capricorn (I knew there was some deepseated reasons we were connected; it's that damned zodiac)
Cat,

Your mark on OS is indelible. You’ve uncovered treasures, comforted wounded souls, evinced a hundred colors, fashioned your own exquisite gems, united a community, and won our boundless gratitude.

We love you. Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday, Lorraine, you lovely and brilliant woman. We are all better off for having experienced a bit of your humor and compassion. Here's to you!
~ Ann
For You, CAT!!! Our dear Lorraine!!

This is the song we sing at every birthday party in my house. Blow out your candles, and hear me singing it to you. You are such a blessing and a treasure.

Lang zal ze leven,
Lang zal ze leven,
Lang zal ze leven in de gloria
In de glo-ri-a, in de glo-ri-a
Hiep-hiep-hiep hoera!
Hiep-hiep-hiep hoera!

(Let her live long,)
(Let her live long,)
(Let her live long 'in glory,')
(in glory, in glory)
(hip-hip hurrah!)
(hip-hip hurrah!)
Great bday tribute guys! Cat, happy, happy birthday--you are truly the leader of this OS pac (whether you want to be or not) and you inspire me with your talent and selflessness. Thank you for all you do!! Have a great birthday!
Happy, happy birthday, Lorraine!


(And guys? You done good, too.)
Happy Birthday Whippersnapper.
Happy birthday, Lorraine. Happy to have met you here and wish you much joy and success in your new age. A birthday hug, eh?
Wow wee. Beauty.
`
Kurt Vonnegut paraphrased`
`
Kurt (Cat wrote this below-
`
I honestly believe, though,
we are wrong to think that
moments go away never to
be seen again.
This moment and every one-
This moment and every one-
Evert moment last forever.
Happy Birthday. I reread.
What a great post ref Cat.

I had no idea. Thanks Cat.
and others who honor Cat.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Ms. Kitty! You embody everything that is good and right about supporting good writers here at OS. You give of yourself without ever asking anything in return. Your friendship has meant a lot to me this past year and your encouragement is so valuable to all of us.

I'm proud to know you, lady.
Have a great birthday!

(thumbified for being beautiful inside and out)
If I may:

This was totally Dennis's idea. So thank you, Dennis, for your kindness and commitment and wit. I'm humbled and honored you asked me to be part of your really, really nice post.

Also, just in case you're wondering: Dennis is the more classically handsome one. I'm the sexier one.

Happy birthday, Lorraine. Slanty Bolds for everyone.
Happy Birthday, Cat Lady! OS is a better place because of you.
Whippersnapper,

If I may say:

The only thing that is true in Frank’s statement (besides his birthday wishes) is that he is the sexier one. I am a remora.
After deep consideration, Cat, I've decided that you have replaced Canadian Mist as my Canadian Angel. Thank you for everything.
Being new here I shall walk lightly (as on cat paws) and say only two things: Happy Birthday, Cat!!!

That was one (I can count). Here's two: Frank and Dennis, I'm sure glad you posted your real photos, so's I can distribute copies around my neighborhood (where nearly everybody plays the banjo and keeps a shotgun by the doors (front and back), so they'll give you safe passage when you come to fete me in a similar way, someday. And, hey, if you can't make it yerselfs, sending Lorraine as a surrogate will be acceptable. Safe passage guaranteed! - Clark
Great tribute and a much deserved one. OS needs a writing editor and that can only happen on a volunteer basis. Cat finally fills the hole left by Critical Mess. It's a lot of work and is done only as a labor of love. We got your back, Cat!
Birthday wishes seems so chintzy
belly buttons sometimes lintsy
I've now gone on too long for haiku
So here's a happy birthday to you.
Dennis - you and Jimmy Buffett are the only two people I've ever heard use the word "remora". Fins up~
Why anyone who looks that great in a tiara would use an avatar of Dorothy Parker I will never understand. Happiest of birthdays, Lorraine, and thanks for everything you do for so many people here and elsewhere.
Wow... Dennis and Frank are handsomer than I thought, though they're not very aerodynamic.
Happy b'day, Cat! The best ever...and thanks for all your help in making OS wonderful and for supporting all of us.
Ann - laughing at fins up.

Janie - no way. Steve Blevins is the Doctor. I’m the little fish that rides on bigger fish.

CK - stop using $25 knock us down words we can’t understand.
She goes to the fringe and speaks kindly to the lost lambs she finds there.
Dang Cat, you are one gorgeous babe. I've never seen anyone who could do the tiara everyday. Talented and beautiful and you are up on the whole car thing, no wonder you were scooped up so quickly. I am amazed that a person of your obvious youth could have accomplished so much. Your love for opossums shows in the loving look in your eyes as you gently hold one in it's favorite position of rest. The motorcycle thing just blows me away too, having been a life long aficionado of the erstwhile two wheelers myself. Where were you when I was young and single? Oh yeah, probably not even born yet. Happy birthday Lorraine. Thank you for being a friend and no, the tiara was just gravy (we say that down here in the mid south).
One big meeeeeeeoooooooooowww from the land of OZ.
Happy Birthday Lorraine. Maybe feed that kitty today (?)
One great result already from this post: We got Matthew Lawrence to quit drinking Canadian Whiskey. All Scotland cheered.
Happy Birthday, Lorraine. Hope this day is deadline free. Party! Party! Party!
Oh... and I forgot to say... WOWZA! With all that you accomplish, and all that you do fer nuthin', and you still look so HAWT!

Shazam!!

(Calm down, boyz... I'm talking about Lorraine, not you.)
(Damn. I thought I looked pretty hot.)
sorry i'm late but glad it's after cat comments that she's speechless. whoa. we better not do this more than once, eh?

happy birthday, lorraine, and thanks for all the heave-ho effort you put into trying to keep our unwieldy ship moving forward. it's working. [raising tankard of pirate wimmin ale] (well, make that a gimlet instead)
Kinda sucks don't it Frank? CH ---oopsie I mean CK -- using all them superlative thingies and none fer yer looks?
Happiest of Birthdays to you, our dear friend!!! OS is so fortunate to have your kind, supportive voice. With deepest admiration, G
Ms. Lorraine,
Geez, seems like it just was your birthday last year :) Thanks for the wonderful articles in the papers and here on OS. Your talent speaks for itself. May your pen (okay, computer) keep it going there for you and all of us readers. Plus of course, you look Gaw-jus. Some people have blue eyes - yours look violet in these pics. Thirty-five is looking pretty good on you ;) Hope you have a great day and even better night !
Scarlett xox
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Lorraine!!!
Another day, another year passed. Nothing changes but the amount of black hairs on your top lip!
You are a wonderful human being and very giving of yourself. I see a light in the distance, another lantern.
Keep on shining.

x
General: I know Dr. Drake Remora. Dr. Drake Remora is a friend of mine. And Dennis is no Dr. Drake Remora.

He's 'way handsomer. And he's a better cook. And a better actor, for that matter.
Way to go, guys -- this is a bloody amazing tribute to one of Os's truly original voices (and our collective den mother). Thanks for the heads up.

Some observations about Cat, cribbed from people who can write better than I:

-- Dogs have owners, Cat has staff. (anon)

-- "...i have had my ups and downs
but wotthehell wotthehell
yesterday sceptres and crowns
fried oysters and velvet gowns
and today i herd with bums...." (my alter ego)

"As anyone who has ever been around Cat for any length of time well knows, she has enormous patience with the limitations of human kind." (Cleveland Amory)

"...one life up and the next life
down archy but always a lady
through it all and a
good mixer too always the
life of the party archy but never
anything vulgar...." (as above)

"I can haz tiara?"
Frank - is it too early for a pint (it's past 3 in Ireland)? Think we can interest the birthday girl in a real drink... maybe wean her off Thunderbird?
Whoops. Posted that without this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LORRAINE.
Happy Birthday Lorraine!!!

Seriously, you're an inspiration to us all (well, to me, at least--does that count?), with the time you spend on OS, feeding cats, writing for the papers/column, Momming, etc.

Big huge thank you to Frank & Dennis for putting this together--excellent job, boys! Now where's my drink?

xoxoxo,
HB, Lorraine.

We will gladly welcome you as a U.S. citizen.

Provided, of course, that you bring tiaras.


For everyone.



Many many thanks for your Friday Wrap-Ups, your witty posts, and your unflagging attention to Open Salon.

BTW, any chance you could put in a good word for me at National Geographic? :-D
And oh yeah ...
I too wanted to say Congrats on the Bombeck award. I know this means a heckuva lot to you.
And Lorraine - you know a mark of a good writer when they make you laugh and cry. You accomplish this.

There was one quote I remember reading from your blog (I think it was your blog) where you said "there is glory enough for everyone" and that has stuck with me. Now just give me some of yours ;) ha-ha
she appears to have a very ornate tiara gracing her gloriously talented head. and she's a blond with good hair and mannered kids.

and she's nice. I like that. talented, caring people who are nice.

happy birthday nice lady. I hope you're warm, loved and happy today. god knows it's a frozen tundra here.
Happy Birthday, Cat. And many, many thanks to you for your efforts here, and to the guys for duly appreciating them.
Oh yeah! Drinks! Fraaaannnk!!?
Pretend?!!! What? This isn't real?

*walks away weeping*
Happy Birthday, Cat. Thanks for all you have done and continue to do!

Great job, guys! Thank you both.
Cat got skills. How do you manage to do all you do and still run roughshod over the crazies here at OS? Ya' not bad lookin' either!!
Happy Birthday, CAT!!!!
Hey Rainey,
It's so confusing. All these people using my name to wish YOU a happy birthday.
But I'm so glad it's your birthday. Of course you were born on the feast of the epiphany. Of course, oh epiphanous one.
So, was there some big shiny light shining over Bumfuck Canadia when you were born? Or was it east bumfuck you were born in? Can't ever remember.
Anyway. Love you. Love your writing. Love your presence in the community.
And Lorraine? I don't think that possum's playing, darling. I hope you weren't intending on rescuing him.
Then again, you could finally feed the damn cat with it already.
Love,
Rainey
Oh, OK Knight, youz guyz are cute as buttons. Whoever made that aerodynamic crack had better have credentials if she tries to creep around my neighborhood. I mean, our banjo boys know aerodynamics, whether they can spell it or not! But that's OK! Just send Lorraine, and things will go so smoothly even the plinkaplinkaplinkas will have panache.
Happy Birthday, Ms. Cat. With or without tiara, it looks good on you.
Wow! What a gift this post is! What a gift you are to us, Lorraine!
This is simply marvelous! You guys did a fabulous job. Cat is the definitive OS treasure. Happy Birthday, Lorraine and thanks to Dennis and Frank for putting together a fitting tribute. (Looks at profile in mirror and decides to hire personal trainer STAT)
Laughing at other Lorraine. Sheez funny! Of course, this is all pretend, so I'm probably sitting in my office, laughing by myself in an all but empty building... umm... Which one is reality again?
Happiest of happy birthdays, Cat!
Okay. Pulease tell me I'm not the only one bothered by Cat tucking a possum into her leathers to keep him warm?!!!
Oh, that CK. How obstreperous of me!
Well Frank aint here. So I guess I'll be servin' the drinks until he gets back.

Let's see... that's one slanty bold for spotted. Same for JK. A near beer for CK, warm pints of Guinness for everyone else - on the house - and a bottle of Thunderbird for Cat. Who'd I miss?
Happy Birthday, Lorraine! Many happy returns and it's great to learn more about you.

Dennis and Frank, this is a fabulous birthday post!
*makes a note: JK says all Canadians have that weird possum fetish thingy*
Ah hem, you do know about the prehensile tail don't you?
And just let me add here that Cat is a far better talent spotter than the ones who allegedly moderate OS. And I don't say that because she's kindly included me a couple of times in her roundups, but because her compilations admit of no limitations or favourites.
bob - thank you. I knew the whole keeping the possum warm thingy was too creepy to be true.
Lorraine -

You have taught me so much and reminded me of even more. Your words echo in my head on a daily basis and make me a better person. A little quote from Anne Lamott as a cyber birthday gift from me to you, a quote that summarizes for me what you embody in your writing:

"I have learned that most of the time, all you have is the moment, and the imperfect love of people."

Thanks for making my imperfect corner of the world a better place.

Happy Birthday!
Melissa
'sallright, Knight, you can rent the possum costume without the tail.
HB, WSFTC.

Great post, also, D&F
Happy birthday, Cat, and a tiny piece of advice:

Beware of guys who hand you possums.
Sorry, all. I was in a meeting. As you might have gleaned from my photo, I'm in negotiations to be Sam Elliott's double.

Thanks for tending bar, Dennis. I took the liberty of prepping the crudites.
Happy Birthday! I always know I'm going to enjoy what you write.
Happy Birthday Cat! You are an amazing friend and truly the heart of OS.
No one handed her that possum, HL. Dennis and I are vegetarians.
Frank,
I dunno what the crudites thingies are but am I ever glad you're back. Never seen such a rush on free booze in all my life.
Oh, I'll have a slanty bold, Dennis.
Hey! Happy Birthday to one Cool Cat. It's a sincere pleasure to be getting to know you here. Have a magnificent day!
Happy Birthday and many, many more!
Happy Birthday Lorraine! Although I'm new to this here OS, I can see you've made a wonderful and positive impression on all the readers and writers here. Here's to you (raises pint of JH Guinness), have a fantastic day and an even better year ahead.

xoxo Reid
Comin’ right up Alison. Frank’s mixing the drinks now, so you don’t have to worry if your insurance covers alcohol poisoning.
Dr. Drake Ramora????? ... RUN Dennis ... I think jkb might be getting ready to throw you down an elevator shaft.
Happy birthday, Lorraine!

In your honour, I've decided to go Canadian today. I'm wearing my favorite runners, and my touque of many colours (killed two birds with that one, eh?). In your honour, but just for today, I'm adding extra letters into words here and there for no apparent reason.

I stopped for breakfast when I was oot and aboot this morning, and ordered a side of back bacon with my eggs. I wanted to eat something Canadian for lunch, but couldn't think of any other Canadian food (darn, I should've thought of crudites) - so I bought a 2-4 of Labatt's instead, along with a pack of smokes, even though I quit smoking like 20 years ago. To sober up, I'm driving to the brand-new Tim Hortons about 12 miles from my house and ordering me a double-double, being sure to keep an eye out for the State Police, which is our version of the Mounties, eh?

So, now I'm thinkin that it's pretty sweet being Canadian -- what with all the Labatts and coffee and sugar coursing through my veins. I've got me a double date with Bob and Doug McKenzie to round oot my day of being Canadian in your honour. Looking at the photo of you with Frank and Dennis in Florida, well, let's just say I think it's really MY birthday today!

As much fun as it's been being Canadian for a day, I have to draw the line somewhere, though, and I want you and the rest of the wourld to know that I will never, ever love a hockey team other than my beloved Red Wings.

Have a good day, eh! I appreciate and admire all your give 'er on OS (I am not sure I used that one correctly), and I hope you get showered with loonies and toonies — figuratively, of course!

(I knew living in Canada for a time when I was a kid, having relatives in the Soo, and living across the bridge from Windsor the rest of my life would pay off someday!)
Happy Birthday Cat. You have been so supportive and kind to me and to so many others and your writing is the finest there is out here on OS. I have also read a lot of your website stuff. Didn't know about all the other stuff but great job.
You are an inspiration to all of us here on OS.
Thank you and Happy Birthday!
rated for Cat
Here's your rum, General. You might want to see Dr. Remora about that...
I still have a few lbs of cheese left from my mom's visit, happy to offer them up for the party. Fondue?
Well Cat, it seems you've been let out of the bag -- it's no surprise to me that you would be recognized by Erma Bombeck's legacy, it doesn't surprise me that Dennis & Frank would cook up this most excellent tribute to you, nor does it surprise me that you would be checking OS in the chaos of your morning. (Isn't that what we all do every morning?)

You truly are the most valued contributor/editor/writer/ comedienne/encourager around OS -- and thanks to you, many newbies are now in MY faves -- i.e., JL Bane, to name one.

Walkawayhappy and I are not the only ones who receive those PMs of thanks or encouragement -- I'm sure your inbox must be stuffed with replies from all those who receive your love notes.

And finally, in the words of Dorothy Parker, when asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence:

"You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think. "

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y W S F T C
W E L O V E Y O U
Happy birthday to the Queen of OS: GLorraineiana.
Damn, you got me there, Cat. I also forgot to call you a hoser! That's not a bad term, is it? Like, happy birthday, you hoser!
Happy birthday cat and kudos Dennis and Frank for assembling this.
Happy Birthday, Lorraine. xoxo
Happy Birthday, Lorraine. xoxo
Did I hear Barking sneaking around here again?
Is a crudite like a crawfish or something?

Barboy! I'll have two Boyishly Slim Hips, straight up!
What a lovely birthday tribute! I feel like I know Lorraine so much better. Checking out the blog now....

Happy birthday, power woman!
@CK: it's like crawfish. Without the eyeballs or antennae or meat. Boyishly Slim Hips:

2 parts diet tonic
7 parts peppered vodka
splash of vanilla SlimFast
Garnish with a lemon wedge.
Enjoy!
{hands a kweenex to JK and quickly backs away}

Great party, Cat...open bar, infectious diseases, crudites...
Happy Birthday Lorraine,

Here's my favorite of your off-site posts for everyone to read:

"A visit from the nerd herd"

http://www.thespec.com/printArticle/594882

xoxo
Ewwww... nevermind the Boyishly Slim Hips! What's in a Birthin' Pelvis or a Badonk-a-Donk?

*Runs off to read the link Travis posted*
This isn't about me. So I'm not reading it. However I will eat lots of cake in your honor. Hmmm... now where exactly did I put your honor? I know I had it here somewhere.

::@@::

It's been stolen!

Fuckin' Canadians.
Hmmm....another female always seen in a tiara is Wonder Woman. Coincidence? Perhaps not.

Happy Birthday, Lorraine!
"Hosers" is pronounced 'OSers in Trois Rivieres.
Just because I didn't set my alarm for 6 am doesn't mean I don't love ya, Cat Lady. You're a breath of fresh air. (But not the really cold Canadian one that makes your lungs fail and requires an oxygen tank).

Happy Birthday! I'm so glad to know you.
Wait. National Geographic will give me piles of money if I favorite them?! Why did no one tell me?

Happy happy happy birthday, Lorraine, Miss Cat of the Tiara Extraordinaire. Your writing and presence makes OS better.
Maria had me snorting. I never snort.

And CK... what the heck is a Badonk-a-Donk?

Thanks for tending bar Frank. The only mixed drinks I can make are Irish Car Bo-mbs (that's Guinness and Bailey's for the Canadians present) or a Boiler Makers (Rolling Rock and a shot of Whisky - never with the "e").
I did not take her honour. I make no assumptions about Dennis.
One more quote that makes me think of Cat's posts. This time from Jane Hamilton's book A Map of the World.

"From early on I valued the gift of memory above all others. I understood that as we grow older we carry a whole nation around inside of us, places and ways that have disappeared, believing that they are ours, that we alone hold the torch for our past, that we are as impenetrable as stone. Memory still seems a gift to me and I hold tight to those few things that are forever gone and always a part of me..."
Just Google image search that for yourself, Dennis dear.
'Bye, all. Lots of stuff prepped. Serve yourselves and give Dennis a break. I gotta go to another meeting. Fuckin' Sam Elliott...
Hey Melissa - that’s beautiful. And you did promise cheese fondue. Right?

CK - what’s “Google”?

Great Frank. Throw me to the lions...
Lions? LIONS???

Nah, just pussycats, Knight. You ain't scared of no steeenkin pussycats?
Wow, look at all the love! For my part, sending cat-calls from the desert. Happy birthday and thanks again for all you do. Many of my favorites are thanks to you. Keep a Guiness cool(ish) for me gents, I'll be back soon. Slainte!
Clark,
I tremble because the English for "velvet your claws" has no Canadian equivalent.
Happy, happy birthday, Cat. Thank you for sharpening your claws at OS (which sounds far more couth than "thank you for rubbing your scent on OS").

If anyone's up for a road trip to Cat Country, Ms. Stim & I are heading to Ontario this August.
CAT!

What do I say Miss? Well, first please feed that darn cat of yours. Second, you were my second 'real' friend on OS and I am incredibly grateful to you for that. Beyond that, I know you are a bright light and it evident by all that you do here and beyond.

Many bright wishes coming your way! Love you! Happy Day!
::running away to favorite National Geographic Channel::

::calls gym to order up sessions with trainer::

::finds field manual for how to cook road kill in extreme situations::
Happy Birthday! Now go feed that poor cat! =o)
Lorraine, Happy Birthday, not one but you deserves a tribute like this. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.
And what would a party be without the Champagne? Happy Birthday Lorraine and thanks for ALL you do.
Well, it's like I'm late to every party, including this one, but . . .

Our Lady of the Perpetually Hungry Cat,

I'm really, really glad to wish you Happy Birthday. If you hadn't been born, you wouldn't be here. If you weren't here, we'd miss you. And yeah, I get that before we "met" you, we didn't know we were missing anything around here . . . but then you got here, and . . . aw, hell - you get the picture.

Love ya', Our Lady.

Happy B-Day.

You Rock. AND Roll. (and role, but that's a whole 'nother story)
May I just say ladies, that not even evoking the spirit of the talented Cindy Ross can save you now.
You are one beautiful, talented woman. And, boyhowdy, those dudes! No wonder you gave in and let this momentous occasion be photographed! Happiest ever!!
Happy Birthday Cat. Your input and support means a lot to me. You are a treasure.
Sends Frank a PM: “Dude. mypsyche thinks our pics are hawt!”
Ooo... trilogy said "champagne"! Reminds me once again...

"Champagne is a great leveleler... It makes you my equal."

Well... maybe not in this case. I mean, you 're taller than I, and more prolific, and you have those boyishly slim hips... damn.
Cat,

Happy Birthday and...

Thanks for all your help.
Thanks for helping everyone here on OS.
Thanks for being such a great person.

just... thanks.

You came back just in time.

Duane
Happy birthday, Lorraine,
Your stuff is brilliant!
-Tim Haywood
Reflections of a Shallow Pond
Thank you for doing this!!! You guys rock!
Best wishes for the year
Happy Birthday, Cat...xox
Wondering why "boyishly slim hips" are so important when Frank and I have these adorable tea pot handle-like ears. Oh well. At least Cat thought they wuz cool.
WOW! What a party and what an excellent celebration for a very deserving pillar of this community! Congratulations on your birthday and best wishes, Lorraine. The boys stole my line (that they stole from your dad). You have done good, kid. A lot of good. xoxo
Happy Birthday, Cat! You are truly the heart and soul of OS.
Lorraine - that was a really nice thing you said... 'cept you shoulda stopped after the streamers. Sheesh.
Ms.Kitty, you're really quite something. I hope you have a great year ahead...
Dennis, you Frank and Lorraine make this a wonderful place. The piece is hilarious, and apropos, and the comments more so.

Thanks for this, and count me among the horde that loves StarvyCat.
It’s weird. All these wonderful comments (and a few sweetly snarky ones too) and yet no one - nada, zip, zero, zed - not one person has asked how we got you to pose with the tiara in the lead photo.

::rubs hands in the classic “hiding an evil secret” fashion::
Heh-heh. That will be our little secret, Dennis.
This is awesome! You did good, Dennis and Frank.

Happy Birthday, Cat!
ONE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-THIRD!!!! Congratulations on yet another successful trip around the sun - you've toured the entire ecliptic and returned to tell about it. Lorraine my dear, you have helped to make OS a very special place by assuming a very special role, and I thank you for it. You are tireless in your efforts to make life a little special for folks who toil in anonymity. I hope you've had a great day and take this large outpouring of sentiment from the OS community for exactly what it is: love, appreciation and thanks. We all occupy our own little niche in life... you 'got yours covered. Good job. See you in London!
Cat, I am very late to the party (as usual), but do not want the day to disappear (it's still the 6th here in L.A.) without wishing you a very happy birthday! I was drawn to you as I am drawn to anything "Cat"-related. Then you became something of a blog hero to me. The time and energy you expend on behalf of all of us who out here slogging away with our words and hearts hanging open for all to ponder is something of a miracle. Thank you for your encouragement, your wit ... and your sarcasm. You - Cat/Lorraine -- are rated and appreciated! (I don't know how to make a thumbs up symbol, but consider this -- mmI -- my facsimile thereof.) Hope it was a lovely day, and that an amazing year lay ahead of you.
As usual, I'm late to the party (hey, I had to teach all day and I'm on the west coast).

I wanna be like Lorraine. Now I can put her picture on my refrigerator for inspiration, right next to Michelle Obama. Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Cat... thanks for everything you do.
One more birthday and you'll be 40, eh? lol
Hope it's the best year, ever.
Awwww man!!! Just arrived in Edmonton. Here I thought I'd been such a smarty pants putting my little birthday swoosh together. Turns out it was just a little fart in a Super Bowl stadium.
Very, very, very nicely done, men.

Sorry, I didn't mean to tread on waters that had already been trod. Or... walked upon (does that make me all Jesus-like?) Ooops, I guess I'm showing my Canadianisms by apologizing. Sorry about (or aboot) that.

This just beats mine all to hell. What an incredible amount of work you went to.

Rated for... well... too many things to mention.
I new Lorraine was a car guy, but some of the rest of this . . . well, it's just shocking. Happy Birthday Kitty Cat!
Just for the record, those "boyishly slim hips" did NOT leave the building (even after two kids) ;)
:D This post was awesome and made me smile.
Happy Birthday Lorraine!!
Happy birdie, Cat. Did anyone give you One Perfect Limousine?
well I was stuck in some airport or other trying to get somewhere or something and having no clue as to the time zone so my best wishes have to come late - I mean several days late (what day IS it?) Anyway, hope it was happy, Cat
Better late than never! I do have an awful good excuse. NO internet at all in my office at work! That's when I do my best work. SO that being said
Happy Very Late Birthday! Hope it was wonderful!!!!!!!!!
At this point, a belated but heartfelt happy birthday to our Cat!

And I'm not surprised about that prestigious humor award but big congrats! I think humor is the hardest of all to write.
Happy Birthday Cat! I'm early, for next year's birthday.

I'm sure that at some point somebody has said, "Leave every place better than it was when you got there." That's what Cat does with OS.
This was GREAT!!! What an honor for a deserving feline.

Lorraine:
when I get over my phobia and learn to knit someday, I'll make a birthday present for you.
Sorry I missed it, but before it's TOO far past, happy belated birthday! And thanks for all you do to make OS a far better place than it would be without your wit and wisdom.
Happy Birthday, WSFTC, I know it is belated but hope it was nice. You are really beautiful in person. Best to you in the New Year,
Happy birthday ! (i know i'm a bit late lol)
--
Les plantes