What am I supposed to do? That woman was so mean to me always yelling and screaming and when I got in the car when I was 12 she smacked her mouth like chewing tobacco and said, "This car went down a lot when you set in it" and "You've got a mustache. That's REAL cute on a girl!" If she burnt herself on the stove, she looked around for a kid to slap.
She hasn't bought clothes since 1972! She walks around in an old SUperFly suit. It's like you can hear the disco porn music playing, but she doesn't swagger, she's a little old Granny hunched over with feral eyes and a constantly gnawing mouth. She is like Linda Blair on the Exorcist, only not as nice.
She's paranoid of the neighbors. My uncle bought her a mini-periscope so she could peep out the top window on the door. She especially focuses on ol' Mrs. Deere across the street. Picture Granny, shoulders hunched but standing on tippy-toes against the front door with her periscope poking up over the little window ledge. Her mouth sounds of smack smack smacking like a cud-chewing cow, then she snarls, "Look at that ol' Deere woman over there. She's looking out at the neighborhood folk. So nosy!"
She thinks that two days' constipation can kill you. I won't go further with this, but let's just say she should own stock in the laxative industry. Spending money on clothes ain't important--just look at her threadbare superfly suit with the shiny worn bottom--but laxative is like a food group.
She's so stubborn. When she fell out the back door (which we told her not to go out back--you'll fall) I came home to find her sitting in the rocker and groaning. She had dragged herself from the back steps to the living room and heaved herself to a chair.
She was "HUR-tin'!"
I said, "Let's call an ambulance!"
She jumped in her seat. "Loooorrrd, no! It'll cost me $800!" Her face was red and she panted with pain.
"You've got Medicare," I hollered to penetrate her deafness.
"It don't pay ever-thang!"
She made me shuffle behind her to support her as she groaned and took itty bitty baby steps to get to the car so we could go the hospital.
She had broken her pelvis.
I've read about how in olden days the Eskimos put the old folks on the ice floes to die. Maybe they'd had enough. This is the second time she broke her pelvis.
Maybe I should find an ice floe for myself.
(Superfly picture from blackadelicpop.blogspot.com)
(Ice floe from friendfeed.com)