Did you ever wish that you had your finger on the pulse of hip, young America? Remember when suddenly everything was chipotle-flavoured a few years ago and you had no idea what that meant? Do you have trouble distinguishing between the passé and ironic revivals of the passé? Well Painfully Suburban's new feature, Resident Tastemaker, is here to help you appropriate the trends before they're even trends at all. Resident Tastemaker will lay it on the line, predicting what's up and coming in the world of culture.
Today's installment: Guacamayo. Inspired by (and sharing its name with) the Spanish word for macaw, guacamayo will be this season's hottest new condiment. As illustrated above in equation form, guacamayo is made by combining the creamy goodness of guacamole (guaca-) with the creamy goodness of mayonnaise (-mayo), creating a super-rich "supercondiment" appropriate for a variety of culinary situations:
" This Dagwood sandwich on focaccia is dry and unappetising. I'm so scared confused. This should be something I love!"
"Do you have any avocados and mayonnaise?"
"But of course!"
" Then don't let's fret. We can make guacamayo. That will make all our problems go away."
While guacamayo-making will start off as a cottage industry, as its popularity increases, high-end grocery stores will begin selling pre-made guacamayo in bright packaging featuring a macaw motif, a nod to the trendsetters who had been aboard the guacamayo wagon since the beginning. The public's insatiable appetite for guacamayo will cause severe shortages of plain mayonnaise and guacamole, so those who prefer them in their uncombined form are advised to stock up before the guacamayo trend reaches its apex.