On January 2, 1999, hunters in Sam Houston National Forest in Texas discovered the body of Melissa Trotter, a 19-year-old Lone Star College student who had been missing since December 8. She appeared to have been strangled with one leg of pantyhose.

Investigators had already settled on Larry Sweari… Read full post »

I am a Republican.

I don’t believe people should be required to carry a government-issued ID because that’s the first step toward Big Brother. I also don’t believe people should be allowed to vote unless they carry a government-issued ID.

I am a Republican.

I believe that Democrati… Read full post »

       … Read full post »

I almost never write straight political pieces; there are people here who do it way better than me, and with greater depth of knowledge. I also admit that I did not watch the first Presidential debate; as I commented elsewhere, the debates will not affect my vote and… Read full post »

They say that you never regret the things that you do, only the things that you don’t do. I don’t believe that’s 100% true – I’ve done a couple of ghastly things I desperately wish to erase from my memory bank – but when I’m melancholy, which is too often… Read full post »

At Home Pilgrim used to post an annual Open Salon baseball playoff preview, so in his lamentable absence, I have volunteered to fill his shoes. (And yes, that is like replacing a pair of Bruno Maglis with flip-flops.)

There is one big difference this year: to make a wild card… Read full post »

Thank you for that warm welcome. It’s great to be here in Ohio on the first day of Oktoberfest. You may think that, because I’m not allowed to drink liquor, I don’t understand beer drinkers, but that’s not true. I have several friends who are brewery owners.

Did… Read full post »

“A hurricane is headed straight for the Republican convention. More proof that God is a woman.”
- David Letterman

12. Attend a NASCAR race so I can hang out with a bunch of white people too.

11. Crash a gay wedding, pose for pictures with the happy couple, then head to a… Read full post »

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
- Edward Arlington Robinson

Last weekend, I was re-reading Darkness Visible, William Styron’s essay on his descent into clinical depression. Around the time I was reading Styron’s chapter about his friends… Read full post »

(Looking for something light after the last few days, and following Oryoki Bowl’s request for funny reposts, I combined two posts on my daughter’s time at a bakery. All stories are true, though some of the dialogue is invented. The format was based on ex-OSer LC… Read full post »

Dude, first off, it’s the 21^st century: get yourself a computer! Then, if all that phony moaning and grunting on the screen is too distracting, turn down the sound and turn up these odes to self-love guaranteed to keep you in the mood. Finally, don’t be ashamed and remember… Read full post »

We’ve been together a long time. We’ve had a lot of great times and I’ve got many memories that I will always cherish. Remember that time we …? No, let’s keep that private.

But we’ve been drifting apart for a long time. Communication has grown strained and has go… Read full post »

(Think Mitt Romney is the only person to declare a retroactive retirement? You haven’t been paying attention.)

SPRINGFIELD, IL, December 9, 2008 – Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich denied the corruption charges filed against him, explaining that he had retroactively resigned his post… Read full post »

I, Katie Holmes, being of sound body and (until I spend all of my time with Scientologists) of sound mind, do hereby willingly enter into this contract with Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, hereafter referred to in this contract as “Mr. Cruise,” and agree to th… Read full post »

“Good evening, everybody.  I’m Joe Buck with Tim McCarver and we’re in the Chuck E. Cheese broadcast booth at Shell Oil Ballpark in Arlington, Texas, for the first game of the highly anticipated series/… Read full post »

(Trying to imagine what Arianna Huffington’s site would have looked like if it had existed in 1969.)

                               … Read full post »

GLENDALE, CA. – Reality-TV star Kim Kardashian, following a hint that she had dropped recently on her TV show, announced today that she is a candidate for mayor of Glendale, California.  Standing before a banner showing her dressed demurely, which caused some observers to insist the pictur/… Read full post »

After I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge last week, I posted a comment on Facebook that I had knocked something off my bucket list.  Someone asked what else was on my list and I was taken aback because I didn’t have an answer.  I had never formulated a list,/… Read full post »

If Kermit thinks it’s not easy being green, he should try being a New York Mets fan in the city it shares with the most successful franchise in sports history, the Yankees. To be a Mets fan in New York is to prefer Shemp, to be the… Read full post »

I try to remain young at heart musically, or at least as young as my 61-year-old ears will allow me.  I check the websites Pitchfork, Stereogum and emusic regularly, and I will investigate the latest buzzed-about indie band (The Men’s Open Your Heart sounds pretty good), the/… Read full post »

Dear emusic.com editor,

In your weekly review of new music, the entirety of your comment on Paul McCartney’s standards album was:

Paul McCartney, Kisses on the Bottom: I can’t. I just can’t.

Did you mean… Read full post »

Announcer: “Live from the Staples Center in Los Angeles, it’s the 54^th annual Grammy Awards, and here’s your host, a rapper who hasn’t had a hit in 20 years but coincidentally happens to be starring in a CBS series that needs promotion, LL Cool J.”

Read full post »

Six years ago, in a Bridgeport, CT. courtroom, my friend was accused of being a child molester. 

A nine-year-old girl took the witness stand, testifying about the sexual abuse she had allegedly suffered at a local synagogue from its caretaker.  When t/… Read full post »

                               Schadenfreude News

November 30, 2011      … Read full post »