(I did this meme over the weekend on Facebook.  Since it’s become an Open Call, I’ll repeat my answers here.  BTW, I hate the word “meme.”  I hate “BTW” too.)

1. Your main trait: Curiosity and/or anxiety, rarely at the same time

2. The quality you like best in a man: sense of humor

3. The quality you like best in a woman: sense of humor, or at least an appreciation of my sense of humor

4. Your main flaw: a tendency to bury my head in the sand; a shyness that I camouflage with sarcasm

5. Last time you cried: A week ago while watching The Artist

6. Ideal job: Smartass-in-Chief, Powerball winner, prize-winning author

7. Scent of a place: I am not driven much by scent, as my inefficient nose should qualify me for a Handicapped sticker

8. Beloved movie: Duck Soup

9. Book on the nightstand: My Kindle, on which I just finished John Blumenthal’s (highly recommended!) Three and a Half Virgins. Physical book: Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad, my next read.  Actually, I don’t read much in bed, and I don’t mean that in a dirty way.

10. First and best kiss: First, age 17; best, I’d better say age 32 when I started dating my wife or I’m in big trouble, though I have a powerful memory of one at age 25.

11. You couldn’t do without: My laptop

12. How you would like to die: In my sleep, lying between Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry. Just kidding about that last part. (Maybe.)

13. Song you sing in the shower: I don’t sing in the shower. But lately I have been singing Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” a lot, so if you see my name in the news as a homicide victim, that will be the reason.

14. Your deadly sin: Procrastination; having to Google acedia (that’s a joke only Ann Nichols will understand)

15. Your not-so-deadly sin: forgiving friends for their trespasses far more quickly than I would forgive enemies for the same trespasses

16. Your motto: Tout le monde a ses raisons. Everyone has his reasons.  I got it from Jean Renoir’s film, The Rules of the Game.  Makes me sound classy.

17. Ideal first date: Your place or mine?  Just kidding. (Maybe.) A dinner at a nice Italian ristorante, a good movie (one not involving space aliens, serial killers or multiple explosions), final stop for a cup of coffee.

18. Favorite present: The one I got last week: an illustration by my daughter that will be the cover of my book.

19. In the train: Alternately looking at the scenery and reading a book, trying to ignore the a-holes chattering loudly on their cell phones.

20. Something you’d change in your body: There’s not enough bandwidth to answer this completely, but I’ll start with my beady eyes.

21. Your addiction: heroin.  No, wait, I meant the Internet.  I always get them confused.

22. Now on your left: a glass of Arizona iced tea, today’s mail

23. Now on your right: a stack of CDs, headphones, pens and pencils, To-Do list, window; wish I had something less practical

24. Now in front of you: computer, checkbook, so-far-unwatched Netflix DVD of Paradise Lost

25. Now behind you: shredder, pile of books and magazines, my wife’s desktop, small trash can, a box containing a painting by a former OS blogger, for which I do not yet have room to hang (I mean, hang the painting, not hang the blogger)

26. Names for your children: Michelle and Nicole, though when my wife was first pregnant we joked that we would name the kid Bullwinkle

27. 3 things in your purse: um… well, my pants pockets have my wallet, cell phone, and a keychain created by Susan Creamer Joy

28. 3 places that fascinate you: Machu Picchu, San Francisco, Ireland

29. 3 people you’d like to meet: Barack Obama, Tina Fey, Neil Young (though there are many OS friends I’d rather meet in person)

30. 3 traits you hate in people: rudeness, self-centeredness, smugness

31. Values inherited from your parents: respecting other people, good manners

32. In your past life you were: a drunken, thrice-divorced, unsuccessful hack writer

33. In your future life you’ll be: a drunken, thrice-divorced, unsuccessful hack writer