Pavlov would love the Internet.

Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Ossining, New York, United States
February 28
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.


MARCH 6, 2012 8:58AM

I've Got Your 33 Answers Right Here!

Rate: 27 Flag


(I did this meme over the weekend on Facebook.  Since it’s become an Open Call, I’ll repeat my answers here.  BTW, I hate the word “meme.”  I hate “BTW” too.)


1. Your main trait: Curiosity and/or anxiety, rarely at the same time


2. The quality you like best in a man: sense of humor


3. The quality you like best in a woman: sense of humor, or at least an appreciation of my sense of humor


4. Your main flaw: a tendency to bury my head in the sand; a shyness that I camouflage with sarcasm


5. Last time you cried: A week ago while watching The Artist


6. Ideal job: Smartass-in-Chief, Powerball winner, prize-winning author


7. Scent of a place: I am not driven much by scent, as my inefficient nose should qualify me for a Handicapped sticker


8. Beloved movie: Duck Soup


9. Book on the nightstand: My Kindle, on which I just finished John Blumenthal’s (highly recommended!) Three and a Half Virgins. Physical book: Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad, my next read.  Actually, I don’t read much in bed, and I don’t mean that in a dirty way.


10. First and best kiss: First, age 17; best, I’d better say age 32 when I started dating my wife or I’m in big trouble, though I have a powerful memory of one at age 25.


11. You couldn’t do without: My laptop


12. How you would like to die: In my sleep, lying between Scarlett Johansson and Halle Berry. Just kidding about that last part. (Maybe.)


13. Song you sing in the shower: I don’t sing in the shower. But lately I have been singing Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” a lot, so if you see my name in the news as a homicide victim, that will be the reason.


14. Your deadly sin: Procrastination; having to Google acedia (that’s a joke only Ann Nichols will understand)


15. Your not-so-deadly sin: forgiving friends for their trespasses far more quickly than I would forgive enemies for the same trespasses


16. Your motto: Tout le monde a ses raisons. Everyone has his reasons.  I got it from Jean Renoir’s film, The Rules of the Game.  Makes me sound classy.


17. Ideal first date: Your place or mine?  Just kidding. (Maybe.) A dinner at a nice Italian ristorante, a good movie (one not involving space aliens, serial killers or multiple explosions), final stop for a cup of coffee.


18. Favorite present: The one I got last week: an illustration by my daughter that will be the cover of my book.


19. In the train: Alternately looking at the scenery and reading a book, trying to ignore the a-holes chattering loudly on their cell phones.


20. Something you’d change in your body: There’s not enough bandwidth to answer this completely, but I’ll start with my beady eyes.


21. Your addiction: heroin.  No, wait, I meant the Internet.  I always get them confused.


22. Now on your left: a glass of Arizona iced tea, today’s mail


23. Now on your right: a stack of CDs, headphones, pens and pencils, To-Do list, window; wish I had something less practical


24. Now in front of you: computer, checkbook, so-far-unwatched Netflix DVD of Paradise Lost


25. Now behind you: shredder, pile of books and magazines, my wife’s desktop, small trash can, a box containing a painting by a former OS blogger, for which I do not yet have room to hang (I mean, hang the painting, not hang the blogger)


26. Names for your children: Michelle and Nicole, though when my wife was first pregnant we joked that we would name the kid Bullwinkle


27. 3 things in your purse: um… well, my pants pockets have my wallet, cell phone, and a keychain created by Susan Creamer Joy


28. 3 places that fascinate you: Machu Picchu, San Francisco, Ireland


29. 3 people you’d like to meet: Barack Obama, Tina Fey, Neil Young (though there are many OS friends I’d rather meet in person)


30. 3 traits you hate in people: rudeness, self-centeredness, smugness


31. Values inherited from your parents: respecting other people, good manners


32. In your past life you were: a drunken, thrice-divorced, unsuccessful hack writer


33. In your future life you’ll be: a drunken, thrice-divorced, unsuccessful hack writer



Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
My wife cries at Taster's Choice commercials, so just about any movie gets her waterworks going.
Wonderful list. Just perfect for my view of you, Cranky. What an interesting life you have.
Fun to read! I like your humor.
What Cranky says, many of them anyways - except for the obvious, such as names of children and which fantasy lovers I'd prefer dying between and some other specifics such as books, movies, songs, beady eyes (mine aren't beady, are they??) and favorite gifts and stuff. Actually, come to think of it, not much of what Cranky says.

@Con Chapman - My wife and the kids cry at nothing. I'm the crybaby in our family, which is probly why I spend most of my time hiding in the house with my laptop.

Like the new avatar? It's debuting right here right now!
Nice. My Dumas Brothel shirt arrived yesterday. I'm saving it for church on Sunday.
from your pictures you do not have beady eyes, you have clever eyes.. just like the wolf in Red Riding Hood..
" better to see you with my dear.."_
Thats all ya need. great list


What a great list! Your wife is one lucky lady. :)


P.S. Please send my best regards to your lovely wife.
We share procrastination (I was going to comment on FB but never got around to it...). Like 32 and 33!
Ah...a day with Cranky is a day with sunshine! I printed this up, sat out on my porch with a cup of coffee and read it. You always bring a smile and a laugh ~ a writer I always look forward to reading. Thank you, Mr. Cuss!
Yay! I'm so glad you posted your list! And the answers were delightful. The one about your favorite present choked me up. Aw....
"Duck Soup"! Me too. Classic. And thanks for the plug!

we share 32 and 33, except I was and always will be a deadbeat artist.
Very nice list. Only thrice divorced?
Amusing as ever.
Love your sense of humor. Hmmmmm. Does that mean I'm a woman now??? (Guess that's my next life--which is good, because I'll finally have a purse to have three things in.)

Savor #18, especially when you put it to use.
LOL, love this! I'm all about a sense of humor also! It goes well with my sarcastic wit :) Thanks for sharing! Rated.
Please send my best regards to your lovely three ex- wives.
Too much overlap to do my own Cranky. And I'll second blu's thumbs up for Duck Soup. Freedonia's going to war.
Cranky - Your #10 "Best Kiss" is the "Last" Kiss!
Just sayin' !
Your Attorney,