Apparently some people didn’t realize my post yesterday about OS joining the online protest against SOPA and PIPA was a parody. I apologize and vow that next time I post a parody, every paragraph will contain a flashing neon light reading, “Not True.” My bad.
I want to apologize for implying that Kerry Lauerman communicates to the OS masses through my blog. As everyone knows, he doesn’t communicate at all.
I want to apologize for implying that Jonathan Wolfman was dreading spending a day without his blog. In fact, Jon loves his wife dearly, treasures every moment he spends with her, and in no way did he threaten me into writing this clarification.
I want to apologize for saying that I was angry about losing the Tink EP pool. As everyone knows, there is no pool because Tink has been blacklisted. Also, anybody who knows anything about football knows that New York Jets Super Bowl tickets will be available right after I get a pet unicorn.
I want to apologize for implying that Con Chapman was dreading going into a courtroom. In fact, he is hard at work preparing Whitey Bulger’s defense.
I want to apologize to Chicken Màâàn for scaring him into posting his latest chapter of Tribulation Time prematurely. As a result, he did not have time to properly proofread the sex scene. “Rusting manhood” should have read “thrusting manhood.” My apologies to the Chicken.
I want to apologize for writing that fghjkl mnbvcx was advertising live streaming of the Nuggets-76ers game. I thought it was common knowledge that fghjkl mnbvcx only live streams English soccer, not the NBA.
I want to apologize for putting words into the Republican candidates’ mouths about the online bills. The candidates know next to nothing about the Internet and even if they did, wouldn’t give a shit about the bills.
Finally, I want to apologize for saying that Emily Holleman would be using the day off to go to the salon. I thought it was obvious that Emily could not afford a mani-pedi in Manhattan on a Salon editor’s salary.