Pavlov would love the Internet.

Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Ossining, New York, United States
February 28
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.


JANUARY 18, 2012 11:07AM


Rate: 28 Flag


Apparently some people didn’t realize my post yesterday about OS joining the online protest against SOPA and PIPA was a parody.  I apologize and vow that next time I post a parody, every paragraph will contain a flashing neon light reading, “Not True.”  My bad. 


I want to apologize for implying that Kerry Lauerman communicates to the OS masses through my blog.  As everyone knows, he doesn’t communicate at all.


I want to apologize for implying that Jonathan Wolfman was dreading spending a day without his blog.  In fact, Jon loves his wife dearly, treasures every moment he spends with her, and in no way did he threaten me into writing this clarification.


I want to apologize for saying that I was angry about losing the Tink EP pool.  As everyone knows, there is no pool because Tink has been blacklisted.  Also, anybody who knows anything about football knows that New York Jets Super Bowl tickets will be available right after I get a pet unicorn. 


I want to apologize for implying that Con Chapman was dreading going into a courtroom. In fact, he is hard at work preparing Whitey Bulger’s defense.


I want to apologize to Chicken Màâàn for scaring him into posting his latest chapter of Tribulation Time prematurely.  As a result, he did not have time to properly proofread the sex scene. “Rusting manhood” should have read “thrusting manhood.”  My apologies to the Chicken.


I want to apologize for writing that fghjkl mnbvcx was advertising live streaming of the Nuggets-76ers game.  I thought it was common knowledge that fghjkl mnbvcx only live streams English soccer, not the NBA.


I want to apologize for putting words into the Republican candidates’ mouths about the online bills.  The candidates know next to nothing about the Internet and even if they did, wouldn’t give a shit about the bills. 


Finally, I want to apologize for saying that Emily Holleman would be using the day off to go to the salon.  I thought it was obvious that Emily could not afford a mani-pedi in Manhattan on a Salon editor’s salary. 


Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
So many apologies, so little time.
rated with love forgot to say here where I send the cash

and I have to say, too, that one more slur and my Personal Representative/Bail Bondsman, Little Edgar, will pay you a brief visit

Does this mean that I can cancel my date in the thorn-bushes with Tink?

I thought love meant never having to say you're sorry? Thanks for the clarification for those who needed it.
Who would have thought the retraction could be as good as the original. I hope the comments are too.
Damn. Really? I was going to go join Emily.
NOT ACCEPTED! How was I possibly going to go through a day without OS? I was mortified and began having anxiety attacks after midnight. When I noticed OS was still on, I relized EVERYONE knew but me (frowny emoticon) which sent me further into the deepening spiral of depression. I had to postpone my opus poem about anger till Thursday. Stay tune I will add a link.
Thanks for the heads up. "Thrusting." But of course!
It's just that you're so trustworthy. I believe what you tell me. ~r
The only thing funnier than the fact that some folks thought you were serious, is that even your apology is likely to get you into even more hot water. Thanks for the laughs, AGAIN, this morning Cranky.
Will you be apologizing about the price of tea in China?
Will you be apologizing about the price of tea in China?
See? ...and so many of you didn't believe it when I TOLD you he's not to be trusted after he dumped me at the Port Authority cuz I wouldn't put-out in his car.
I say we take contributions so Emily can have a much deserved spa day.
I could not get on to OS for while so I assumed they just shut down for the day.
Lots of errors did occur including in my brain.:)

I want to apologize for missing any of your posts. Love this. Thanks Cranky.
~tears~ It's okay my friend!! ~hug~ I was scared!! Google and Wikipedia have gone dark, what would I do without Open.Salon?

Well, besides masturbate to the weather girl on the Weather Channel, but I usually do that at midnight, so...what? :D
I want to apologize for continually repeating the phrases "funnier than hell, LOL, ROFL, funny man, and OMG how you make me laugh." I must come up with more creative alternative responses to your humor this year. Perhaps if I use phrases that seem totally unrelated in an effort to capture what I feel so deeply? Here goes: 20comets!!! Canned Squid in its own Ink hysterical! rated! Thanks for the laughs again, Cranky!
I'm not defendin' Whitey Bulger till he tells me where the freakin' money is so's he can pay my retainer.
This is even better than yesterday's!!!
There is no god but Kerry, and is his profit. Kerry Akbar!
My black Lab says, "Once you go dark, you never go bark."
Oh well. I guess you now know whoever believed that post yesterday will never again believe a word you write. Problem solved. :D

LOL, What about saying sorry for wearing your pj's in public?
Ummm...are you trying to say that your post yesterday was just a joke?

If so, why don't you just come clean and say so?
I'm glad I was right in being suspicious! Or, rather, unable to face the idea of OS being blacked out for a day.....
We SHOULD have gone dark. It's a brilliant idea! Not that the net in general would notice our absence...
the good humor man returns in the spring
I have referred to you as "that cussed crank" before now and I guess that I'll make that my permanent moniker for you now..... ;-)

Thanks for posting this. You are always so much fun!
Oh, I don't know -- "rusting manhood" sounds about right for the Chicken....
Psssssst Bo,

Chickens don't have a "manhood".

That's roosters you're thinking of. ;-)

And this chicken definitely does not have a manhood!
Just wait until my spurs grow out. I'm making a list. bukbukbukbukbukbuk...
It's just that you're so trustworthy. I believe what you tell me. ~r

@ Joan, Trustworthy, or rustworthy? =o)

Well Cranky, it's embarrassing, but until I, fingers operating on pure motor memory I assure you, typed in the OS address and found the site looking normal, I believed you. =o)

Rated, for being sly
@Shiral: Nice to know that I'm a good liar! Now to test that skill on my wife ....
♥╚═══╝╚╝╚╝╚═══╩═══╝─╚╝ is being thoughtful and thought provoking.
What'ya mean, Dark? When YOU post it goes Dim! R