Pavlov would love the Internet.

Cranky Cuss

Cranky Cuss
Ossining, New York, United States
February 28
I am the author of "Send In the Clown Car: The Road to the White House 2012," currently available on Amazon and CreateSpace. I'm currently semi-retired after 23 years in a corporate environment. My motto: The conventional wisdom has too much convention, not enough wisdom. Corollary: Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and you're not Einstein.


JANUARY 17, 2012 1:42PM

OS to Go Black Tomorrow to Protest SOPA, PIPA

Rate: 32 Flag


Kerry Lauerman announced today that Open Salon would go black tomorrow, along with other websites such as Wikipedia, to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect IP Act (PIPA).


SOPA is a bill before the House of Representatives and PIPA is a bill being considered in the U.S. Senate.  Both are opposed by many in the online community. Sue Gardner, Wikimedia Foundation Executive Director, stated, “that, if passed, [they] would seriously damage the free and open Internet, including Wikipedia.” 


Reaction from OS bloggers to their site’s shutdown was mixed.


Jonathan Wolfman protested, “B-but I was going to have a post tomorrow fostering a discussion of whether Jimmy Wales had the authority to suppress a website without a discussion with its contributors, even if the cause is good.”  Wolfman then sighed and added, “A weekday without a blog post?  What am I going to do with my time?”


Blogger Cranky Cuss was furious.  “I had January 18th in the ‘What Day Will Tink Finally Get an EP’ pool.  And I know Tink had his A material ready to go tomorrow.” He glared at a reporter. “I could have used that money. Someone offered to sell me New York Jets Super Bowl tickets.”


Con Chapman was particularly despondent.  “With OS down,” he moaned, “my law partners actually expect me to go into a courtroom.”  He shook his head sadly. “Now I only have five other websites to post on tomorrow.”


Chicken Màâàn, however, was exuberant.  “I was going to post the final chapter of Tribulation Time tomorrow.  This will build up the suspense for one more day.”  He then bit his lower lip and added, “That is, if anyone will even notice.”


Spammer fghjkl mnbvcx was disappointed.  “The Denver Nuggets are playing the Philadelphia 76ers tomorrow night!” he argued.  “Where am I going to find viewers for the live streaming?”  Then he smiled and added, “At least the shutdown isn’t on the weekend when I run this place.”


The decision of websites to shut down for the day has become a topic of debate among the Presidential candidates.  Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney surprisingly endorsed the move.  “Websites are people, my friend, and websites, like people, have the right to political speech. Even if all members, I mean organs, of the website don’t agree on what that speech should be.”


Newt Gingrich found opportunity in the move. “I have a staffer whose job is solely to monitor what’s written about me on the Web.  Now I can give her the day off without pay.”  He then chuckled, “Heh heh, a few more dollars that Callista and I can spend at Tiffany’s.”


Texas Governor Rick Perry denounced the move. “I’m against it for three reasons. One, I’m for anything that allows authorities to wield more power.  Two, my preparation for GOP debates consists of five minutes reading about the issues on Wikipedia, and now what am I going to do?  And third, um, er, I forget what the third one is. Oops.” 


Then Perry’s eyes opened wide and he declared, “I remember what the third one was.  I was opposed to naming American legislation after Pippa Middleton. When I’m elected President, I will only name legislation after American celebrities.”


Happiest of all was Open Salon Editor Emily Holleman, who was pleased with the unexpected day off. “Tomorrow I’ll be occupying a different Salon for a mani-pedi and a haircut!” she said, grinning. “I’m really looking forward to one day without reading all this crap!”  Then she added, “But don’t quote me on that.”


Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
I wonder what Arianna Huffington is going to do. Perhaps sit around and gloat.
Whether OS is up or black, I'll get the same number of comments.
I had no idea that we needed a national political crisis to shut Open Salon down. It does that so well on its own.

Ah, Jon, you have said it succinctly.
Oh crap....they're going black for a day? I guess that means I'm gonna have to do my chores around the ranch now....damn you Kerry!
Thanks for making me laugh outloud after my morning knee stretching session. This was wonderfully funny even before the painkiller kicked in! Funny man! It figures, I just get back and it's blackout day. I was going to post 5 months worth of back-articles to try to play catch up. Rats! Foiled again!
I guess that means all this hard work and reasearch I put into my next article on doom, Doom, DOOM of mankind is going to have to wait another day.


I suppose I could take an extra day to write some poetry?

"one day without reading all this crap!”
Your a funny man Cranky.
I just read Stim and was on the floor. Not to make light of this I am glad that these websites are going to do this. Now will anyone understand or listen>?

Yeah, Kerry called me..
Does this mean my trash will be picked up a day later this week?
[r] Sure would be nice if daddy OS took moral stances more often. Cherry-picking morality, granted a dimension close to home, still gives me that WTF? cognitive dissonance buzz (kinda like watching MSNBC). Speaking of buzzes, sorry to buzz-kill the humor here for a sec. libby
Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face....

I'm just stupid, I guess. I don't see how shutting down OUR favourite site to OUR use will convince politicians to do - or not to do - anything. Are we loaded with politicians who will be effected? Where? Better to post the e-addy of each relevant politician and ask us to send them a sharply worded e-mail about this. Or sign a petition.
Crank - you have Newt's cadence down so perfectly. But it would be funny without him too. And even funnier; when we'll all finally be without him! R
It is semi-ironic that OS is shutting down around this issue when copyright violations by OS bloggers are totally ignored by the management.
I was going to post something positive and supportive with lots of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, I have laundry to do!
Oh come on now..think about it. Tomorrow is a great day to stand up and begin an "occupy" Hostess Brand movement. They're going down and I'll be damned if I'm gonna lose my Twinkies without a fight!
Actually, I just now posted a new chapter of Tribulation Time. Anybody? Anybody? Hello??
This was brilliant! I didn't know why some sites, like Wikipedia, are planning to "go black" and now I do, so thank you for that! At the same time, the idea of not having OS here on a day when I don't have students made me kind of worried. If this is for real, at least I know I have a therapy session scheduled for tomorrow night!

Thanks for this news full of laughs - you're better than "The Daily Show"!
Brilliant. I especially love your spammer's remark.
Once you go black, you never come back.
Will we be able to tell the difference? Who's Tim Tebow?

I wonder if anyone will notice.
Hi Cranky, I wasn't sure if this was satire, because I did not see Kerry's announcement. If so, his integrity moved up a notch in my view. Many of my favorite sites are going black tomorrow, and on the ride home tonight, NPR reported that no one expected such a strong public reaction against it. Power to the people, bro ;-)
OMG I just sent out a PM to find out if anyone is doing this. You are so sneaky with your posts of enolightenment I never know when they are "for real"
I just got my new computer.
I guess it is a netflix day.
Unless they go black of course.

Happy monitoring of commerce Cranky, you should bring us great enlightenment.
I'd take this announcement seriously. After all they had multiple practice runs last year.
That would be like occupying the college administration building during the 1960s.
OMG! This is so funny! Leave it to Cranky to hit the nail on the head.
You people do realize that this is satire, right? And that OS is not really shutting down on Wednesday?
Thankfully, I still have access to the Arpanet. Will be posting to the NATO Command Central war room shortly.
@ Con -- I'm tellllllinnnnnn'
Wonderful piece, funny as usual.
Cranky, most of us know that it takes Kerry much longer than a week to make any sort of decision.... so satire it would be! ;-) Great piece btw.
Damn, I still have hopes the Jets will be in the Superbowl...NEXT YEAR!!!! Somebody has to sell the beer and peanuts!! Sheesh!! ~:D
I missed this earlier. I spent all day at the library because wikipedia was dark. Anyone remember the World Almanac? They still publish it.