Schadenfreude News
November 30, 2011 Early Edition 50 cents
“All the News That Creates a Giggling Fit”
TOP STORIES
POLITICS
Gingrich Wife: “I Had Affair With Herman Cain”
“So did we,” admit Newt’s two ex-wives
Congress Accidentally Eliminates Own Salaries
Typo in 1,500-page bill will save America millions annually
Rick Santorum Drops Out of Race Following Bar Scandal
Insists he didn’t know The Horny Pecker had gay clientele
Wisconsin Governor Walker Recalled
Belongings moved from Governor’s mansion by unionized company
Rush Limbaugh Admitted to Betty Ford Clinic
Claims he bit Ann Coulter because Oxycontin made him think she was turkey leg
NATIONAL
Casey Anthony Drowns Off Florida Coast
Nearby children didn’t hear her cries for help
Rare Bird Species Creates Nest in Donald Trump’s Hair
Removal would be violation of Endangered Species Act
INTERNATIONAL
Berlusconi, Strauss-Kahn Dead in Murder-Suicide
After discovering each had pawed the other’s daughter
New Miss Universe is From Nigeria
“Why doesn’t Tinkerertink69 answer my emails?” she wails at press conference
BUSINESS
Fox News Loses Broadcasting License
Evidence of violations gathered when Rupert Murdoch’s phone was hacked
Bank CEO Dies After Eating Tainted Caviar
Eaten after speech defending economic inequality
New Social Media Website Makes Facebook Obsolete, Worthless
Mark Zuckerberg files for bankruptcy
SCIENCE
Cutthroat Businessmen Finish First, Study Shows
Report on premature ejaculation published in NEJM
SPORTS
Penn State Fails to Attract New Football Recruits
Team may have to disband
Suck for Luck: Indy Colts Finish 0-16, Clinch #1 Draft Pick
Andrew Luck returning to Stanford for senior year, refuses to play for “crappy team”
GOSSIP
Ashton Kutcher Loses Penis in Tragic Accident
Demi Moore reportedly dating Ryan Gosling
Carrot Top Loses Voice Following Routine Throat Surgery
Comedy clubs offer free admission as celebration
11th Letter Mysteriously Disappears From Alphabet
im ardashian decries inability to promote self, family
WEATHER
Local forecast: Sunny, mild temperatures, mid 70s
Where your ex lives: Nor'easter expected, high winds and rain, power outages likely
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tr ig
Susan Mihalic
Man Talk Now
Ben Sen
Elizabeth Blessing
montanarose
Salon.com
Comments
HUGGGGGGGGG
Othwises, this is fabulous. I have often wanted to open a website that reports real shadenfreude. I foresaw a section for celebrities and then where there a fee for investigating and finding out any fresh shadenfreude that exist for your foes.
Also, great font for the header, there. I would like to go into business with you, sir.
r.
Lezlie
R
This was a lot of fun.
(Me too.)
Giggle!
R+++
Keep the hits coming, Cranky!
Congrats on winning the writer's challenge and getting EPed!! You da best!! (At what? I hear your wife yelling, tell her I have no clue, but you're the best!!!! :D)
Emily added the word "satire" right above this on the cover... just for you!
Rick Santorum (it's only a matter of time).
im ardashian
Cutthroat businessman finish first.
Perfection!
Sharon