Since I want my blog to forever remain the center of intelligence and class, I have decided to swear off the use of any of the following names, words and phrases, all of which are representative of the shallowness and stupidity of modern American life.
Palin, unless preceded by the name “Michael.”
Sheen, unless preceded by the name “Martin.”
Beck, unless I’m reviewing the latest record by the hipster dude who recorded “Loser.”
Rick Santorum, unless it’s to mention that his name is an anagram of “I rank scrotum.”
Mitt, unless I'm talking about a defensive play in a baseball game.
Newt, unless I'm talking about a witch over a bubbling cauldron.
Ayn Rand, or anyone named after her, unless I’m discussing this ad.
Paris Hilton, unless I’m arranging accommodations in the City of Lights.
Kardashian, unless … well, there is no “unless.”
Any name that is followed by the phrase “Real Housewives of.”
Weiner, unless I’m in a German restaurant ordering “schnitzel.”
Madoff, unless accompanied by the words “was shivved by his cellmate.”
Bernard-Henri Levy and Ben Stein, unless they’re watching their buddy Strauss-Kahn receiving a guilty verdict.
Frank McCourt, unless you’re discussing Angela’s Ashes and not the owner/dipshit who is single-handedly bankrupting the Los Angeles Dodgers franchise.
Cowell, unless it’s a typo while writing “more cowbell.”
Tweet, unless I’m in a bird sanctuary.
Viral, unless I’m writing a post about the Center for Disease Control.
Christian nation, unless Carrie Nation had a son named Christian.
Fail, when used as a noun, since “failure” has been a perfectly serviceable word for centuries.
Spam, unless I’m talking about the Monty Python song.
Troll, unless I’m discussing the bridge scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Drill baby drill, unless I’m watching dentist porn.
Flash mob, because that shit was only cute the first or second time, not the hundredth time, when there is a corporation's marketing budget behind it.
Nuf said, because if “enuf” was said, then saying it makes it “too much said.”
Anything else?
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Missilynn
grif -
Anna Voy
John Andrew
Gotham Chick
Cammy May
Salon.com
Comments
Being in a flashmob hahahah
rated with hugs
Tiger, unless it's preceded by the words "Tony the. . ."
On second thought, you don't need any help from me. This is good stuff!
Lezlie
Also, 2 words never seen together before: Dentist Porn
Great list, save for the first entry. Palin embodies everything that is wrong with this country. How a feather- brained punchline can achieve the level of notoriety that she has, speaks volumes about the American psyche. Read: America does not study hard enough.
If you take her out of the political equation, we're left with dull, up and down both sides. I vote for you to leave her in simply for the uh-hyuk moments she provides. She does such a horrible, horrible Tina Fey impression. That alone is worth the price of admission!
Rated with an Ug....
Monty
p.s.
.........and you've never heard Fawlty Towers properly until you've seen the German version. Yes the 'Bosh' bought the rights to it and translated the German sketch too.
Tea Party unless you mean the kind of afternoon social event at which everyone is well dressed and behaved and tea is actually served?
Otherwise, I think your list is excellent.
rated
My 2 cents: "Trump" unless used during a card game.
Very clever, Cranky. Only when ordering shntizel. I agree.
:-) / R
yet you encompass eternity.
i no fool .
artjames is maybe to be banned, i hope.
he is strategically salty.
But that's just me.
Dentist porn! I may have to steal that.