“Please be advised that there are other customers in the store beside you. It would be very helpful if you would not leave your cart in the middle of the aisle while choosing a box of cereal or talking to a friend. Please pull the cart to the side so other shoppers can get around. This is especially true if you are at the beginning of an aisle. In addition, it would be helpful if you continued to face forward while pushing your cart to prevent collisions.
“Please be advised that the new self-scanner can be a tricky device to use and sometimes is balky. If you could not stop the “12:00” from flashing on your VCR, it is recommended that you do not use the self-scanner.
“Please be advised that if you are wearing low-rider jeans and you bend over to get something from the lowest shelf, you will be revealing more of your can goods than is recommended. Just sayin’.
“Please be advised that the aisle marked “12 Items or Less” is calculated in base-10 numerals not base-64. Twelve means a dozen, as in eggs.
“Please be advised that, when we are ringing up your order, it is not a good time to be chatting with your best friend on your cell phone about your hard day at work. It is recommended that you put down the phone and help bag your groceries in consideration to your fellow shoppers in line behind you.
“Please be advised that the checkout clerks did not program the computer, so if an incorrect price appears after scanning, it is not their fault. Do not yell at them.
“Please be advised that you should not ask the young men who work here to help you bag your groceries. Since they can’t even pull up their pants, you can’t expect them to put your milk and bread in separate bags.
“Please be advised that customers do not like to hear kids at the checkout counter screaming because they can’t have a Kit Kat bar. Yes, we put the chocolate bars at the check-out counter. It is a test of your parental skills and you are failing.
“Please be advised that when backing out of your parking space, there may be other customers pushing their cart and walking their children behind you. In the interest of safety, please put down the cell phone until you have arrived home.
“Thank for shopping at your friendly neighborhood supermarket, where the customer is #1, and have a nice day.”