p>I often think about suicide. Too often I think. Well, I'd say way often, as I roll over in bed every morning and try to think of a method that no one else has thought of before. It has become a game of sorts. Sick, huh? Well...one must do what one must to survive. I know this is wrong thinking, so I fit it into my routine just as I would the ritual of brushing my teeth and then forget about it. If I brushed my teeth everyday...just kidding...I do brush them but only because it is an activity I pretend to enjoy when my daughter is around, and truth be told...I smoke, and even I cannot stand the smell...that crusty film is gross too.
The secret to knowing how depressed I really am comes to my hair hygiene. I have that black irish bushy curly hair that bings right after I wash it. After seven or eight days, I get that Johnny Depp grease dripping look...I wonder if his itches the way mine does? It actually looks quite fashionable, but I don't want my daughter to think it is normal to go a week without some suds, so I wash it in the sink...if the dishes have been done. Yes, my dishwasher broke at the height of this depressive episode. Isn't that depressing?
You see, I don't like to get my ears wet when I am depressed. Shhh. I really don't want to mention that to my healthcare provider. A couple of years ago, I was taking paxil, the tenth anti-depressant I've tried and told my doctor that sex felt like my husband was poking me in my ear. I even gave him an illustration. I didn't know he was taking it literally. It was a simile. It was a joke. He did not get it. He did not understand. He wrote it down in my chart. "Patient says sex feels like someone is poking her in the ear." Try explaining that to your new doctor and see how it works out for ya'.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Tom King
MrsRaptor
Julie Tarp
Thoth
Alaska Progressive
Nikedog
Salon.com
Comments
One question: what do you mean when you say your hair "bings" (I'm imagining it either teaming up with Bob Hope or beating its children)?
Congratulations on getting started on your writing. I pray that this helps you with your feelings of depression. I, myself, had been depressed for a long while after I lost my job in late 2000 and was unable to find work due to my age. After feeling sorry for myself for a few years I decided to get re-involved in my fraternity alumni club. That was somewhat satisfying, but not enough.
What really got me off of my ass and thinking about things other than myself was the political direction this country was moving toward. My whole life turned around with the first Houston Tea Party in February of 2009. I met people that felt the same way I did. These folks are now good friends. I am so busy with our local Tea Party & 9.12 movements that I no longer am depressed. I have traveled to Austin twice and to College Station to protest Obeyme's visit. I am getting active again in Republican politics and plan to attend our State convention in Dallas this June.
We have discussed you getting politically involved in the past, Nancy. You don't have to run for office. Find a campaign to work on . Join Tea Party and "We Surround Them" 9.12 groups. I am a member of six of them. There is stuff happening all of the time. Just go for it.
John, I mean it is wild with the wind...it has bounce...and it is thick and very curly. In other words, it is scary.
Charles, I hope I didn't scare you away, and thanks for reading.
Richard, purpose is the cure for a lot of folks' depression. I am really glad you escaped...it is a lonely dark place to be. I love your passion and look foward to hearing every detail of your endeavors. People dismiss the Tea Parties, but...they sure have made a difference. Some say good...some say bad. Nonetheless, it just goes to prove that we as citizens can actually change policies if we just have the will.