Cheshire County, New Hampshire, United States
June 02
On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics. --Richard Feynman


APRIL 29, 2009 3:51PM

UPDATE WITH WINNERS!! CoyoteOldStyle’s April Caption Contest

Rate: 29 Flag

With a nod to Open Salon’s slogan You make the headlines, on my page,
You Make the Captions!

Last month, we had a lot of fun with Contest the Second: CoyoteOldStyle’s Photo Caption Contest. Today I’m offering for your captioning pleasure some new “interesting” images. Knowing full well the gravitas of the ancient Chinese curse, “May you live in interesting times,” I present you photo-weenies with this newly expanded and improved incarnation of CoyoteOldStyle’s April’s End Photo Caption Contest.

Write some creative, pithy, thought-provoking, silly, happy, sad or descriptive captions and indicate which photo they are for. I will be picking winners and will update this page with the winning captions tomorrow night. Have at it and have fun!

 copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: “Houston, about that sunspot we were investigating... we seem to have crashed into it.” (Kent Pitman)

Runner-up: Garden Party By The Sex Pistils (Bill S.)

Honorable Mention: Evidence from the flower shop where the owner was arrested for selling pistils to criminals (designanator)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: The Righteous Brothers B-Side single—Chained Melody
(Bill S.)

Runner-up: “The indigenous tsetse worm of Capistrano is a polyamorous species. The tsetse worm loops itself about the bodies of its paramours, often mating en masse for virtually days at a time.” (like~water)

Honorable Mention: Franks on a Chain (Cartouche)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: Gas for you and your car, same low price! (hatchetface)

Runner-up: It’s going to be a gassy night. (fingerlakeswanderer)

Honorable Mention: Jerky Chipz Freak-out Frito (Mr. Mustard)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: As Marianne was absorbed into the old oak tree, she finally found peace. (ConnieMack)

Runner-up: I can see Dick Cheney's face in this trunk. (OEsheepdog)

Honorable Mention: Hey, Doc! Do you think a shot of penicillin will cure this? (Michael Rodgers)
The tree screamed, "I'm one of you. Put down the saw!" (junk1)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: What I did when I had my lisp, in the shower. (Kind of Blue)

Runner-up: One brick leads to another, it's addicting (Gabby Abby)

Honorable Mention: 60% Refreshing (Rich Banks)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: Scientists Discover Cure For Swine Flu In Twinkies (mistercomedy)

Runner-up: What a trouper. A wound like that, and I never heard a peep out of him! (Esse Est Percipi)

Honorable Mention: A peep, wounded in the infamous Battle of Easter Basket. (Bill S.)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: XOX      OXO   (Owl_Says_Who)
                      XO            OX
                      OOX      XXO

Runner-up: From the Inside Out (Robin Sneed)

Honorable Mention: Robot Brassiere (dcvdickens)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle 


Winner: The Tribbles' Easter Parade (fingerlakeswanderer)

Runner-up: Lethargic cupcakes are only 99 cents. (Lea Lane)

Honorable Mention: Bite them. They bite back. (Bill S.)

copyright (c) 2009 CoyoteOldStyle I.

Winner: Bob heard that as an object approaches the speed of light, it begins to stretch towards infinity. But, he didn’t expect to find himself in such a sticky situation. (Jon Henner)

Runner-up: Splendor Ferrum Solis (hatchetface)

Honorable Mention: All right, who stepped in the gum? (OEsheepdog)

If you enjoyed playing this game, please don’t forget to “rate” it.

Photos Copyright © 2009  CoyoteOldStyle.  All Rights Reserved.

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I'll need to come back with captions, but I just wanted to tell you how very much I like your eye for detail (and irony).
A. Garden Party By The Sex Pistils

B. Not what I had in mind when I said "sausage links".

C. Mmmmm.....Jerky Chipz.

D. A close up of Queen Elizabeth's labia majora.

E. When taggers run low on spray paint....

F. A peep, wounded in the infamous Battle of Easter Basket.

G. The latest in the home confessional look.

H. I wouldn't buy them, mine didn't even move when the train went by.

I. Grate.
These are all marvelous photos COS! I need to come back but one did jump out at me:

B: Franks on a Chain
Wordsmith and cartouche, don't hurt yourselves! The august judges (who have agreed to show up in April) will not reveal their learned decisions until tomorrow night.

Bill, I'm awestruck by your quick-draw mind.
I love this contest, and I'm afraid Bill S. may have swept the categories, but I'm going to think about it anyway.
Again, way cool pictures!
A. Perky Nature
B. Rusted Development
C. Jerky Chipz Freak-out Frito
D. Nature's Pathogen
E. All in All... We're Just Another Brick In The Wall
F. Peep Show
G. Barred
H. Baker's Schizophrenia
I. Grate Rust
A. Pollinate me hard, Baby
B. Chain of Fools
C. It's going to be a gassy night
D. Growth leaves scars
E. Bricks in Autumn
F. Crystal Death
G. The Modern-Day Anchoress's Pad
H. The Tribbles' Easter Parade
I. Rusty sunrise
a. Does this flower pick up the NFL network?
b. I see you brought the ole ball and chain with you today.
c. Those chips must be in the same aisle as the mexican jumping beans.
d. I can see Dick Cheney's face in this trunk.
e. what is the faded coca-cola sign doing on the pepsi building?
f. Mutilated peep 50% off.
g. Looks like they updated the entrance to MassPike Executive Director's office (local joke).
h. Come to Bldg 19...good stuff cheap.
i. all right, who stepped in the gum?
No, there are no winners to be announced until tomorrow. I will be plying the august judges with fine wine (okay diet cherry dr pepper) and cookies so their decisions will be wise ones.
Here's goes nothing:

A. Is that a pistil in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?

B. Link – later.

C. Eat here, get gas.

D. Birds-eye view: woodpecker’s paradise.

E. Saltwater patina.

F. Peeps communion.


H. Individually wrapped for your protection.

I. Upskirt action. (I have no idea where that came from. Please forgive me.)
Sorry - G. should read:

Still wrong - should look like 2 tic-tac-toe games next to each other. That's what I get, trying to be clever!
A. Buttery shoulders; chocolate stole.
B. Petrified earthworms - recycled!
C. A gallon of gas, a bag of chips, and thou.
D. As Marianne was absorbed into the old oak tree, she finally found peace.
E. Philemon and Baucis - Eternal Embrace.
F. A little bondo - should fix her right up!
G. [[I gots nuttin]]
H. Martha Stewart's Goofy Goodies for the Grandkids! (Fat-free!)
I. These accordian pleats don't translate well, do they?
Oops, my D and E were both applying to D, actually. Once I saw Marianne being absorbed, I remembered how zeus and hermes turned the old couple into an oak and linden.

So I skipped E. Don't know what I'd write for that one anyway. Let's see:

E. . . . . . a-Cola
. . . . . . . reshing
. . . . . . . ing Size Coke!
Since you didn't say we couldn't enter more than once.....;-D

A. Scientist Unveil Latest SETI Device

B. The Righteous Brothers B-Side single - Chained Melody

C.Frito is a cheap ho.

D. Today in Westminster, the virgin Mary was seen in the bark of a tree....

E. Reefer-eshing.

F. ER Peeps

G. Vatican shows off Pope's new restroom.

H. For two bucks the damn things better move, unlike that inflatable doll.

I. This is your brain during the Bush years - any questions?
That's right. It's a free-for-all. Enter as often as you wish. Our august adjudicators may be confused but after a few diet cherry dr peppers, it may not matter!
Or if I were in Chicagoland, I'd urge you to vote early and often. Maybe that's what the august judges will do . . .
I had not idea you were QUITE this clever, Bill S.

A) Do you think there's something wrong with my nipple?

C) You like jerky chips? You should see our silly crackers!

D) I better go for those Botox shots immediately.

H) Lethargic cupcakes are only 99 cents.
A. “Houston, about that sunspot we were investigating... we seem to have crashed into it.”
B. A measely old chain.
C. Bright culinary ideas.
D. Spaghetti fossilized in wood.
E. Threshing wall.
F. Cheap Peeps (Used, 10% off).
G. 19th century digital circuit board. (envisioned by Babbage)
H. And don't forget some Robotic Tums in the checkout aisle.
I. Etched image of solar flare made 3000 years ago, now being studied for clues about the climate of the time.
A. Vaginal Jaundice (Oh Ok, I'm SORRY!)

B. The Jimmy Hoffa anklet

C. Drive home or get fat, your choice.

D. Barnatesticles

E. What I did when I had my lisp, in the shower.

F. Peep a Boob

G. Bush and Cheney's Cell Doors

H. Stale and Sullen ones only .99

I. Rusty Sunlight
A. Impressionist Bee, by G-d

B. Aged Freedom

C. Truckin'

D. The Constant Flow

E. History Lesson

F. The American Way

G. Freaky Was Here

H. Drought

This was fun! Thank you!
I'm just a lamer...

G should be: From the Inside Out

H. Freaky Was here

I. Drought
Many such journeys are possible if you enter your captions!
Can I change B to: Abolished

Robin Sneed, the judges have ruled that you can enter whatever you want. You can even enter both. They are distracted by the cake and the diet cherry dr pepper.
A- Pistilatio and pollenalingus

B- Silas Marner is in there somewhere.

C- Pick your Poison!

D- Hey, Doc! Do you think a shot of penicillin will cure this?

E- All bric-no-brac.

F- A look inside the peep shows.

G- You can check in any time you like, but.............

H- Baker's Bizarre!

I- This is increasingly grating to me.
Oops! Forgot to mention that these are ALWAYS fun, Cos!
only have a couple for now--
C: Cornerstones of The American Economy
F: Scientists Discover Cure For Swine Flu In Twinkies
H: First, the alien scouts came in the form of animated cupcakes
A-You should get that growth looked at.
B-I think that this sausage has gone past the sell by date.
B-You know it's old when the sausage is rusty!
C-Seen in Anytown, America
D-The tree screamed "I'm one of you. Put down the saw!"
E-Def Less
F-That's a bad rash you got there, peeps
G-They wore protective eyewear
H-Will not stick on ceilings or walls
I-Quantum closet
I-Batteries not included
J-Quantum closet
A. Bees eye view

B. You don’t want to know how they were made

C. Gas for you and your car, same low price!

D. Gnarls Barkly? Bark’s gnarly!

E. I’m gueshing it was refreshing

F. 1. Who killed Peep Robin? I, said the Sparrow, with my little bow and arrow

F. 2. Pooped Peep Partly Punctured

G. Arbor Sanctorum

H. 1. WTF?!!

H. 2. Unwanted, dead or alive!

I. Splendor Ferrum Solis
Lots of creative, pithy, thought-provoking, silly, happy, sad or descriptive captions being proferred here. The judges (who are all down the street at the strip club) will have a difficult, but ultimately rewarding task ahead of them.

Keep the entries coming!
Connie - :-D. I just need to get a life, that's all.

A. Pollen Nation

B. Because Rust Never Sleeps

C.If your Jerky Chipz, first Frito Lay before Dunkin' Donuts and just Drive Thru.

D. Mother Nature's wrinkled old ass

E. The Wall-dorf

F.When Peeps Attack!

G. The latest in Archdiocesan home furnishings!

H. Take some home or they'll curse you out!

I. Used water boarding platform - make us an offer! R. Cheney
The judges just sent me a message. Let me uncrumple it. Ah yes, it says "It's very quiet in Vermont tonight." So that explains it!
A. The Bees' Little Whore House In Texas

B. Didn't try new CLR....

C. Summer Lovin' - had me a blast! Don't forget the Beano!

D. If Rorshach did trees......

E. Guaranteed to not stick to brick!

F. Next on Oprah! - Marshmallow abusers.

G. And here we have the entrance to the new Halliburton executive suite!

H. Bite them. They bite back.

I. Water's new roof is considered charming until the first rain storm.
Argh. That last one should read "WALTER'S new roof".

Fat fingers, skinny keys. Won't thumbody help me, please?
Coyote, it's a pleasure to participate in another of your caption contests! Here's my list:

A. Evidence from the flower shop where the owner was arrested for selling pistils to criminals.

B. The former chain of command at Gitmo.

C. "The chips are down so this is where we're having dinner out tonight."

D. Photo from next week's Sunday "New York Times Magazine" with a lengthy interview of a cast member from the new "Lord of the Rings" movie.

E. "I know you're really into I Ching, but this little shop teaches a class in the ancient art of E Shing."

F. Original 1932 Ferdinand Porsche clay sculpture of early VW Beetle design that was rejected by the board of directors.

G. When the Open Salon crowd in San Francisco got up to leave they soon realized that they had better pay their bar tab, or else.

H. Marie Antoinette's idea of the school lunch program for 18th Century France. (She also invented plastics, animation, refrigerated dairy cases and wanted France to switch to dollars for currency--she was amazingly ahead of her time in many respects!)

I. Part of the blade server that holds the OS beta members posts up through July 31st of 2008 and recently found last week in a town dump by a scavenger.
Bill, are you sure that's not "Walter's new roof"? The judges aren't that inebriated. yet.
Apparently the judges' laptop is running slower than your thumbs are, Bill.
A. Next On Maury - Slutty Flowers and the sons of bees that love them.

B. The end result of a diet that is iron-rich.....

C. 2.25 9/10 is SUPER??? Since WHEN?????

D. Why trees have such lousy attitudes....

E. Tonight at 11 - warped thieves steal sign, leave wall bare.

F. You'll just have to wait your turn, Mr. Peep. There's a chocolate rabbit with his ears bitten off ahead of you.

G. Father Riley! YOU can't confess to ME, dammit!

H. Drugged, inattentive children - FREE!

I. In a vain attempt to keep out the mosquitoes, Dorothy installed slotted disks as screens.
Is everyone else having as much fun as Bill S.?
I feel like such a caption slut.

Did you always aspire to be a slut?
A. Boy, got carried away with the man-scapeing again?
B. I said I was going to be sick
C. 2/$5 is not a bad price for a lay
D. Menopause hit me hard
E. One brick leads to another, it's addicting
F. Peep ShoOOWWW! Why did you do that??
G. These contacts are killing me
H. (give it up to bill here)
I. Houston, we have a problem...
The judges have spoken. But what they said was that they needed more diet cherry dr pepper. Keep captioning, everyone!
Well, ply them, Coyote! This is important!
{Shhhh. I've sent them large frosty mugs filled with diet cherry dr pepper. They finished all the cookies so I've substituted HoHos. I figure those go well with the strippers.}
whispering...excellent choice to go with the strippers....
{Robin, you keep an eye on the judges. This is when they might get out of hand. That combination of HoHos and strippers is overwhelming sometimes. Thank goodness they didn't order the Scorpion Bowl! Shhhh!}

At the core
of your wild yellow contentment
I am
the urgency
within midnight black
thrusting forth
to become.


“The indigenous tsetse worm of Capistrano are a polyamorous species The tsetse worm loops itself about the bodies of its paramours, often mating en masse for virtually days at a time.”


Lucien Freud speaks in visual code to Aretha Franklin.

Snack food for the blundering jackasses in your life.

Look closely. Beneath roiled, wizened skin, Gaia’s guardian gargoyles gestate.

Where once it flourished: “Brains and Eggs for Breakfast - 25 cents” all that now remains is this unintelligible tagged motif. We suppose it’s a sign of the times.

Whew, that was close. At least she didn’t take out any vital organs!

In stealth, the pair of extraterrestrial arachnids sought to attach themselves to feed upon the vacant eyes of the largest organism at hand.

Whatever you do, DO NOT CONSUME after dark!

In the harsh circumference
of fearful examination,
rays of light
do not expand,
but implode
into the nada
of linear darkness.
oops... sorry C.O.S. - B. should read:

The indigenous tsetse worm of Capistrano is a polyamorous species. The tsetse worm loops itself about the bodies of its paramours, often mating en masse for virtually days at a time.”
I tried! Hell, that was too much for me!
Entries keep coming in. This is great! The judges, having been rounded by the Boston PD, are sleeping in this morning, trying to expunge the effects of consuming gallons of diet cherry dr pepper and a case of HoHos. Not to mention the muscular tension brought on by watching hours of strip tease.

Thanks Robin for trying to keep a lid on them.

Keep the captions coming, everybody!
A. Ooh, a three-way!
B. Flexible, and water-resistant
C. First sign of the apocalypse
D. Tree porn
E. 60% Refreshing
F. Styrofoam or meringue? Only one way to find out...
G. His and Hers prison cells?
H. Animated cupcakes! My favorite kind. I'll have two.
I. Grate, another tree hugger
A: With your stamen(a), I might need a pistil!
B: From the plumber: "Ma'am this seems to be what's clogging up your toilet"
C: Playing One Night Only
D: Electrolysis may be an option
E: Mortarfied
F: Cheepskate's version of "Twitter"
G: Photo of Madonna's latest costume
H: Dubbed in frosting
I: (I have a couple for this one):
Oh. I thought you said we were going to the louver.
I just had to vent.
Of course I can walk a straight line.
Don't stop now! The judges are still blissfully sleeping away. You've got most of the day to pitch your best captions!
I love this contest but am at a loss. Can I enter just two?

G: Robot Brassiere
H: Won't stop talking until you bite them.
If Bill S. can enter multiple times, of course you can enter two!
A: Okay, YOU say it's a flower. I SAY it's a monkey takin' a dump!

B: Wow, that must be a REALLY OLD chain letter!

C: I think I'd rather lay Frito than jerk Chip.

D: Sorry, Ms. Rivers - you're not getting in to the Oscars, so pull up your pants.

E: What do you MEAN, you used WATERCOLORS for the sign?

F: Buy It Now on eBay! A realistic marshmallow replica of Cortez's Helmet! Buy It Now for $100!

G: Okay, Ms. Parton - we're ready for your mammogram.

H: Caution - cupcakes intended for oral use only. Do not insert into any other orifice.

I: George's plan to cap every active volcano with his new invention never made it past the field test on Mount St. Helens
Wow, Bill, it's a really slow day for you, huh? Funny stuff!
The judges...oh! There were hoho's in g-strings, soda coming out their noses. My kind of group.
I knew I left the right woman in charge of them last night!
F. What a trooper. A wound like that, and I never heard a peep out of him!
The judges have taken their Brioschi and are about to convene!

Last call! Last call! Last call!
1. While Method Acting is generally considered a good way to get into role, Jerry Seinfeld realized he was taking it too far when he found himself buying copious amounts of bee porn.

2. Bill woke from his nightmare with a terrified gasp. “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.” rang mercilessly in his head.

3. Jill collapsed after finding out the news. Jerky Chips is Republican People!

4. The masseuse said that Matt was really knotty. Matt agreed. His trunk had been feeling a bit stiff lately.

5. Mara wondered if Pink Floyd was right and she was just another brick in the wall.

6. Cally kept telling herself that it was just a flesh wound, but deep in her mind, she knew she wasn’t going to make it to the hospital.

7. Jeeves knew that iron bars do not a cage make, but he felt trapped anyway.

8. Not too long after, the Truth in Advertising committee launched a lawsuit claiming that the cakes were not in cups. The PETA also sued, claiming that animated cupcakes didn’t deserve to be caged like animals.

9. Bob heard that as an object approaches the speed of light, it begins to stretch towards infinity. But, he didn’t expect to find himself in such a sticky situation.
You should see the judges! This was difficult judging for sure. They need a vacation! Well, maybe they need rehab . . .
Lots of fun and gets the brain out of the goo-pool! Thanks!
I forgot to tell you.
I demand a recount on account I did not know there was a contest!

Life is so, so, so, wahhhhh, unfair!
junk1, thanks so much for playing. I'm happy you had fun with it!

Ablonde, be watching. Might be that I'll be talked into doing this again in a month! Start thinking of captions now.
Seeing OEsheepdog's D answer (about Cheney), my mind flashed:

Well, I can see his face from my house. (Sarah Palin)
Woohoo! Thank you, thank you, to the judges...thank you for a swell night, what I remember of it.
Also among the chosen ones... Rich, you got robbed on the 60% refreshing for E. I'd have made that one #1. That was a great answer. I'd done all sorts of mechanical searches for words containing 'reshing' in various dictionaries but it just goes to show you gotta think outside the box. And hatchetface's C choice was also a great answer. Glad to see that #1. I struggled with both C and E for the longest so am impressed anyone came up with anything decent on them. Jon's whimsy in I was pretty cool, too. And I'm a sucker for robot humor, so of course I was a pushover for dcv's G Robot Brassierre. By the way, among the unmentioned, I liked FLW's Rusty Sunrise... sounds a bit like a drink (OJ and Geritol). Also, a combo of FLW's peeps response and Bill S's "when peeps attack" made me think of Tribbles + Mars Attacks = Tribbles Attack.
The august panel of judges had a tough time making these decisions. They did express their enjoyment of the soiree that entertained them last night. That was right before the Betty Ford folks showed up.
The august panel of judges? So this was all fixed in advance? I'd assumed a more contemporaneous april panel would do the judging... :(
I had a lot of fun with this one (could you tell? ;-D).

Congrats to the well-deserving winners/runnersup/honorable mentions. You folks had me in stitches all day long.
Yay. I won something! This was fun. Thanks for the experience.
These are really fun to contribute to, COS... thanks for doing them each month! And of course, many thanks for the runner up! There was some stiff competition... so I'm actually pleasantly surprised to get a mention. I do hope you'll continue, though I can only imagine what hoops you must have to jump through to get funding for the august judge's food, lodging and monthly entertainment alone... :)
Well, the august judges were a little less expensive than April judges. Although they did rack up a bigger bar tab, what with all those diet cherry dr peppers.

I did find a couple of really long Scorpion bowl straws under the judges' table. So I'll be shuffling through resumes before the May contest.

I'm glad everyone had a good time. Except you, Kent. There's always one in the crowd who's a fly in the ointment! %;-)
Darn, I missed the game, but kudos to you Coyote and to the writers of the winning captions
I'm SO honored!!!! HUGS
How did I miss this?
PLEASE send me blog notices?????
I miss SO much on the feed now that I'm not on here as much.
Love to ya.