Cork's Award Winning Blog

Winner, Cork's Blog Award, 2005-2014

OldCootCork Corcoran

OldCootCork Corcoran
Location
California,
Birthday
July 27
Bio
Former TV on air critic dude, full time freelance writer and author, who for decades earned his living primarily with his sense of humor. Now in the Blogosphere, and playwright in Hollywood area. Lifetime honors include seven Emmys, two kids who are not messed up and the same wife he started out with. You may twit with him at “OldCootCork” befriend him as “John Pesky Corcoran” or Linked in with John "The Cork" Corcoran.

OldCootCork Corcoran's Links

Salon.com
AUGUST 7, 2014 12:07PM

How to Be a Gud Riter

 Recently I was asked what advice I might give to someone who wanted to become a professional writer. Since bash-your-head-in wasn't an option, here is that advice.

*Read. Write. Repeat.

*Ask yourself if a life of poverty is one that you can fully embrace. 

*Learn to write wellRead full post »

AUGUST 4, 2014 12:09PM

Inside Poop on the Pills I Pop

I take a bunch of pills every day. Some are prescribed by doctors. Some I find under sofa cushions. Still others are “suggested” by my wife, who is currently ranked  third most qualified non-medically trained pill expert in the Known Universe.  

I recently looked up the pills I… Read full post »

There were nuts in plain sight in the kitchen the other night.

Salted Pecans. Roasted and still warm from the oven. Naturally, I dug in.

My wife arrived and tookRead full post »

10. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him.

9. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while synthesizers drone behind him, only a little faster.

8. The one where Kenny G noodles on a soprano saxophone while
Read full post »

 12. If there is a tougher officiating job in sports than Soccer Referee, I don’t know what it is.  You’re always running, nobody speaks the same language, everybody flops, you have to watch 22 people who cheat, the fans may kill you, and nobody, not even you, is exactly sure wh… Read full post »

There was no other sound quite like it.

First I heard a thunderous deep bass rumble, soon joined by a high-pitched, banshee howl. The thunder shook me, and the howl had me plugging my ears. It came from the biggest thing I had ever seen in the air.

IRead full post »

JUNE 26, 2014 10:40AM

Cork’s New Rules for Old Hackers

Nobody hates golf like a bad golfer and nobody misses playing golf more than a bad golfer forced to give up the game. I recently had to turn in my spikes, my sticks and what few balls I had left when one of my ankles decided it would no longer cooperateRead full post »

Yesterday I made a phone call that I did not want to make. I was afraid to make, actually. Afraid I would screw it up.

I tried to talk myself out of it, in fact. But as a man of some conscience, that was not an option. The call wasRead full post »

(A Memorial Day repost from 2011

My Dad never fired a gun in anger nor for sport. But for several months in his 25th year, he spent time in the company of those who did. Specifically a half dozen young men whose job it was to load, aim and discharge .50Read full post »

FEBRUARY 22, 2014 10:55AM

Fallon Eats Letterman's Lunch--for Now

I’m a big David Letterman fan, but I’ve just seen a young upstart blow the doors off the late night talk show race. If Dave’s not worried, he’s either not paying attention or decided to take early retirement. 

I think he’s paying attention. The fact it’s takRead full post »

 

 (John Corcoran used to work as an entertainment reporter in LA some years back and then as now had a hard time with names, too.)  

Sam, it's your old buddy Cork, from back in the day? Remember me? Channel Nine? Hope you haven't confused me with Roger… Read full post »
I've never told anyone this story before. But now, after 53 years, I think it is time for the truth to come out.  So here it is, told the very night of one of the most significant Anniversaries in the history of pop culture.

I was in Liverpool during
Read full post »

The world is divided into two types of people: Those who would like to live a long life and the Scientists of the world who want to send us to an early grave.  

According

Read full post »
JANUARY 11, 2014 12:02PM

Why Harry Can Only Smell with His Feet

I like to pass along lessons garnered from a life of laziness and domestic incompetence. That’s me, always giving giving giving. My lawyer  insists I also inform you that I’m pretty much clueless about such things, and my advice is for demonstration purposes only.

I never repair stuRead full post »
You may not have noticed, but 2014's new laws are in the books and being enforced. Among other things, it's led to a marijuana shortage in Colorado.   
 
Laws in the US begin New Year's day. In Canada it starts whenever the hell they finish up their harvest.

(NSFC*) 

Investigative Blog BreakingSatire has obtained a leaked email sent by StNick365 to the editors of Time Magazine that shows Santa Claus may be far less jolly than his popular image would indicate. 

StNick365 is one of Mr. Claus’ personal email accounts, but is the writer San/… Read full post »

I’m knocking this out waiting for The Rug Guy to arriveth. According to the Missus, this is Mission One in getting things spiffed up before the Holidays.   

The Rug Guy is a generic term for whoever cleans our carpets. He drives a truck filled with massive sucking devices, tubs/… Read full post »

Let’s start with a quick Mea Culpa for the Insensitivity Factor. I know millions of starving people would be happy to have anything to eat, including what I’m complaining about here. Well, probably not the Blackened Succotash. These have all shown up at Holiday Meals I attended/Read full post »

When I was in the military, I had all four of my wisdom teeth yanked by a civil engineer posing as a dentist. He used a Roto-rooter and a backhoe to operate. It hurt like hell. It hurt worse than hell. It hurt like giving childbirth in Hell.  

HadRead full post »

 Is Gravity so nice, you must see it twice? If so, do you race out to theaters before it makes way for the Christmas onslaught or catch it on DVD after it scores its predicted haul of Academy Award nominations?

gravity-film_092713-617x416 

I couldn’t delay—a blank page waits for no one—and afRead full post »

My roommate at Air Force ROTC summer camp in Myrtle Beach, SC, was the coolest guy with the worst name I'd ever met. His name was Dick Butt.  Yeah, I know.  Never learned if his folks were naïve or pranksters.

He was a Southern gentleman and a natural born leader.Read full post »

NOVEMBER 7, 2013 4:52PM

My Doc, Mr. Spock, & the Future of Iran

 
 
I hate going to the doctor for checkups. It’s like playing a bizarro-world reverse lottery where you can lose everything but the most you can win is a chance to play again.  

Unless I luck out and get hit by a bus first, one day my doc will hold
Read full post »
NOVEMBER 1, 2013 2:53PM

Googlegeddon Meets A Clockalypse Now

 

I’m exhausted. The trick or treat candy is out the door, my iGoogle is gone, and Daylight Saving Time’s change looms before me. I can’t remember the memory prompt. Which direction?  Do I “Spring back,” “Fall down” or just whoopsis in my grandfathRead full post »

 
The Nation’s Capitol’s football team will soon have a new name, according to BreakingSatire,* America’s most undependable independent headquarters for misinformation.

The National Football League team currently known as “The Washington Redskins” will change nomenRead full post »

(As this is written, the Government is still shut down—including National Parks. The  author visited Joshua Tree National Park in California’s Mojave Desert shortly before it was closed.)

I’d been to the desert once before. I rode there on a horse with no name. It was gooRead full post »