The answer to second-hand smoke: second-hand coffee
Smokers are amongst the rudest people on Earth. We, the free breathers in this society, are constantly being forced to inhale second-hand smoke upon exiting an office building, walking down a city sidewalk, standing on subway platforms, strolling through college campuses and any at other place where the public gathers. Moreover, smokers feel they can put out their cigarettes anywhere, leaving their butts as self-incriminating testimony of their rudeness. To this day I am still baffled that people can freely walk around waving these mini torches through the air endangering any person with in arms reach.
I propose a solution: National Second-Hand coffee day. Here, smokers must refrain from smoking in public for just one day. Should the smoker leave private property and light up, they will be met with second-hand coffee. If a smoker introduces a plume of smoke into your breathing space, I say introduce a wave of scolding hot coffee into his breathing space. If smokers clog your nostrils with unwanted second-hand smoke, make it tough for them to breath by burning their nostrils shut with a boiling hot cup of joe. The carcinogens in second-hand smoke hurt our ability to reproduce; in turn, we should be allowed to affect their ability to reproduce by blasting their crotches with a 205 degree Dunkin Donuts large. How long will people continue to smoke at the entrance of your office when you come to work armed with two venti extra hot lattes from Starbucks? I am guessing it will only take one trip to the emergency room for those nicotine junkies to get the message.
People who oppose this initiative say it is anti-American. America is based on freedom of choice. The smoker chooses to smoke - it is their right! Excuse my ignorance, but I don’t remember Jefferson guaranteeing “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of lung cancer”. My right to breathe smoke-free air supersedes anyone’s right to smoke in public.
Smokers react as if I am asking them to cut off a finger or to forfeit their first-born; I simply ask for one day a year that no one smokes in public. Smoke at home. Smoke in your car. I am not asking for the impossible. Yet, if for that one day you find the urge to smoke in public so overwhelming that you can’t stop yourself, and if you are so ignorant to believe that your smoke flying into my face, infringing upon my personal space, is not criminal and a health risk, then you should be totally understanding and forgiving when I can’t stop my coffee from flying into the air and possibly into your face.
Image by Quinn Dombrowski used under Creative Commons. Some rights reserved.
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Comments
How 'bout a National Quit Your F***ing Whining Day?
Man Talk Now: Yeah, it's completely self-righteous. Don't take this self-caricature too seriously. As a liberal wuss, I'm very much opposed to assaulting people and not a fan of public confrontation.
This kind of uncalled for hysteria and abuse reeks of someone who likes to pick on easy targets, but who just might wind up encouraging violent reactions to her own set of rude and obnoxious habits.
buckeyedoc: Following the smoking ban in these parts, he restaurant business actually saw revenues increase. The same is true in other locales. I don't have the data for all places that bans smoking, but the "anti-business" argument against bans might not bear out. The real businesses that get hurt from bans are big tobacco and the emphysema and lung cancer treatment industries.
I do love it so.
Not that I ever intend to remove the plank from my own eye...I see just fine!
Granted, I don't enjoy the effects smoking is having on my body. I know I need to quit. But, for the time being, I've got my vices and imagined "needs" for them. That being said, it's becoming extremely difficult to smoke anywhere these days (at least in Chicago, where I live) legally and without some jerk getting in your face about it. On the business end, some have had ups, others have had downs. The people I feel the worst for though are the tobacco shops. It seems pretty ridiculous you can't light one up in a place that specializes in selling cancer sticks - after all, what purpose does someone who despises smoking being in one?
In light of your proposed second hand coffee day (incidentally there are several municipalities in the US that want to ban smoking from cars and in one's apartment), I propose a second holiday (to immediately follow yours) - national pick on someone else's habits day. On that day, smokers will be allowed and encouraged to not only light up indoors, but loudly complain while making obnoxious noises and gestures to any non-smoker that has an annoying habit. That annoying habit could be burping in public, giving a sanctimonious lecture, wearing an obnoxious t-shirt displaying idiotic slogans, whatever.
Then, we both win. The day after we can shake hands after we're done fistfighting over infringing on each others' rights. :)
aaroncynic, hilarious! I think we can come to a compromise. President Obama inspires me and I would honor him by reaching across the aisle to make this happen.
aaron, I don't think it's the same as any old annoying habit or physical attribute, though, since it directly affects the other person's breathing and health. I can't think of anything else that does that.
BTW, I would never scold someone for smoking. I'll just complain about it on this blog and vote in favor of indoor smoking bans.
Not to mention, this is the fourth comment to talk about it; the cat's out of the bag.
But one day is not enough. I propose setting aside at least one day to judge and mock all of the following: Meat Eaters, Egg Fans, Milk-and-Ice-Cream Consumers, Fish-Lovers, Overweight Nonexercisers, Fried-Food Indulgers, Fast-Food Mavens...wait, no, there's too much. Nonrecyclers, non-organic purchasers, people who don't spend extra for "free range."
And what about rolled oats vs. whole? Surely a lengthy screed against General Mills' wasteful carbon emissions to turn a healthy whole-grain into white-ish flaky things that turn into slippery, snot-like mush when hot water is added MUST be in order.
Invariably despite numerous open seats some jackass smoker will plunk down beside me and even though they see me applying myself to my dinner/lunch, they start puffing. Of course their smoke always drifts over me and my food which is disgusting. I ask them to either stop smoking until I am done or to move. My request is always met with an" oops, sorry" response, but I am acutely aware of the selfish rudeness of an individual who would light up in the first place.
It is a proven fact that second hand smoke is bad for your health. I support smoking bans in all public areas. Allowing smoking is especially bad for non-smoking bar staff who are surrounded in clouds of carcinogens as they try to earn a living. Texas has partial bans in most large cities and I have taken to frequenting bars and clubs that voluntarily ban smoking, but when I am off my home turf that is not always an option.
I am all for people being able to have what ever bad habit they want. I am for the legalization of all controlled substances and am against banning any addictive behavior. Just don't kill anyone with your habit, be it by quickly by DWI or by slow second hand smoke.
Those who claim we must clean up industrial and automotive pollution first are being fatuous. Steps have been taken to control both issues and with the ending of Republican dominance, I am hoping even more regulation will be in the offing.
So don't listen to all the smokers who have filled your comment thread with their selfishness. Smokers really do suck. No other bad habit directly impacts other people's health in the way public smoking does. They need to take their cigarettes outside to the areas designated for smoking and let me eat in peace.
(rated)
Ok, that was said to give you a hard time. On the real, I do have compassion for people who face addictions. The real me would advocate for sensible and compassionate ways to reduce smoking. One idea might be to offer monetary incentives to personal physicians for every patient that they can help to quit smoking.
Still think about sex - but less.
Still worry about the world ending - but less.
Still intend to defend your right to make a sanctimonious ass of yourself, in deference to your lack of age and world/life experience
- but less.
Since our nation was built on tobacco as the "gold" of the new world, Jefferson and the "gentlemen" of the day would sadly be more on the smoker's side. But did they know what asses smokers could be when some of us just want to breathe? This isn't about whining, but about breath right?
My dad had a heart attack from cigarettes and my uncle just died of emphysema from years of smoking his lucky strikes. So, a day to give the world a break from cigarettes ain't a bad idea...
Isn't being condescending about your implied belief that my age and world experience is inferior to yours, therefor making you "wiser" than me, just a wee bit sanctimonious, too?
Has sanctimony ever been successfully used to combat sanctimony, I wonder?
Forget for a moment the additional "voluntary taxation" that the smoking minority are assessed by a tyrannical majority, and our patriotic decision to limit our burdening the state (and productive young workers) with extra years of useless existence on the government dole.
But even more importantly, smokers are maintaining a proud intellectual tradition. Just look at that old footage of the Manhattan project and the Apollo program. Those were inarguably smarter eras. And in all of that footage, cigarettes were ubiquitous. Coincidence? I think not.
Smokeless America may have become "healthier," but it has also become dumber. Nicotine is an intellectual stimulant. The war on smoking has seen America's collective IQ fall by at least 20 points.
So smoke, smoke, smoke for a smarter, more productive America. The Chinese, Japanese and Russians will be smoking their way to dominance unless we reverse the dangerous anti-smoking hysteria that has stupified America.
You already took schools, libraries, airplanes, courtrooms, government buildings, parts of restaurants, airports, and most parts of OUTDOOR AMUSEMENT PARKS! Now, you cruel, selfish bastards are taking all bars and restaurants away all over the damn country. Smoking is my right, and I enjoy it. We gave you all these places, all we want is bars and resturants to have the choice to allow smoking or not and we want the outdoors to. You don't even want us to have that? I HATE YOU PEOPLE!
The next time I see one of you pansies out at a bar waving smoke from your face, I'm blowing it right back. All of you make me ashamed to be a liberal. People should have a choice, not government forcing us to do what they want.
John Walker is right. National Quit Your F**King Whining.
I hope you get cancer. If someone dumps a cup of coffee in my lap, I will knock them out. So try it and see what happens.
I used to smoke a pack and half a day and I never smoked in my apartment, out of consideration for my roommates, I never smoked in restaurants, out of consideration for other diners, and I always asked permission when in company of others.
Smoking is a triumph of advertising, not a constitutional freedom. Seriously, how would you feel if your coworker didn't shower for a month, or kept head lice as pets? Whatever happened to public health risks? Or is it that the rights of the few now outweigh rights of the many? Never mind that little thing called democracy, whatever happened to common courtesy?
When I was in college in Boston in the mid-90s, that city was one big ashtray. People like to smoke there. It helps to get them through the hideous winters. In my undergrad days you could still smoke in every bar and restaurant in the city. I understand that is no longer the case. So I say cut Boston's smokers a break. Besides, the fumes you are inhaling just being out on the street are bad enough. The occasional whiff of someone's secondhand smoke is not going to be the final nail in your cancerous coffin.
I find your arguments compelling and am contemplating picking up a habit for the good of the country in this tough economic time. Now, if you're correct about smoking's connection to intellectual improvement, the trick for me will be to use that enhancement to cure cancer but find said cure before my time runs out and die of cancer.
lol and thanks for a great comment fitting the spirit of the post.
Mind if I smoke?
No, mind if I fart?
Just pick up some Ritalin per Dr. Amy's post ;)
Maybe there is something to the argument of nicotine raising intelligence after all...
On with my point, caffeine is an addictive drug, alcohol has been much closer to killing anyone than any second hand smoke I may have generated, cell phone users driving cars are much more likely to kill than my second hand smoke, The cologne and perfume that most people wear causes me to be unable to breathe. I don't advocate any violence against people who assume that the fragrance that they bathed in is absolutely pleasant to all who come within a mile or so of them. Just one more thing, if you have a right to insist that you not be exposed to smoke then I have a right to expect you to hang up that cell phone and drive safely.
Now here is the fun part, statistic for lung cancer and smoking is based on if you have smoked more than 100 cigarettes in a life time. That's right if you smoke one carton of cigarettes in a lifetime and die of lung cancer they will add you as a smoker to the statistic. If you smoke one carton in a lifetime or 3 packs a day you are the same in the eyes of the death by cancer statistic.
Of course second hand smoke has claimed to have killed thousands, those are the facts just like Iraq had weapons of mass destruction and marijuana causes people to jump off buildings because they see rainbows. Despite the medical evidence that smoking less than 10 cigarettes per day have almost statistically no risk compared to non-smokers we are to believe someone who inhales some secondhand smoke will die on the spot.
Just how much smoke does a person inhale? Well if you are a waiter in a bar with 7 people smoking on the average, and you work 8 hours you will on the average ingest 1/4 of a cigarette.
I am 53 and grew up when everyone smoked in offices, restaurants, homes, and even churches. If second hand smoke is a killer then everyone over 40 should be dead. But, funny the rate of lung cancer has not changed despite a sharp decline in smoking.
Sure some people are rude when they smoke, but since the government has decided what a person can do within the walls of their own private property and businesses, you will just have to lump it when you are outside because it now belongs to the smokers now.
What if they found cancer is caused by whining? Oh my God half of America would be dead.