arlington, Virginia, usa
September 12
Former 60's wild child, not much left in the tank, restaurant lifer, baseball fanatic


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FEBRUARY 6, 2009 3:03PM

Hot Stove League

Rate: 11 Flag

Warning - This story contains images of sex, drug use and what might even be construed as child porn. All true so proceed at your own risk!

After my first wife and I split up I moved in with a girl which I know sounds like a brilliant move but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Needless to say that didn't work out to well and I ended up signing a lease on an apartment with one of my co-workers, Richie. That arrangement didn't last too long either. Richie had his own female problems, the girl of his dreams had a little substance abuse problem in that she would have sex for coke and that ended their romantic relationship. Heartbroken, Richie moved to Puerto Rico. Before he had even moved out though, John Joe was crashing on the couch in the living room. I don't know how it happened. I don't even remember meeting him. One day he was there and he never left. When Richie moved out, John Joe just moved his shit into his bedroom. 

John Joe didn't work in the restaurant with me or any other restaurant in town which was unusual in that just about everyone I hung out with worked in one hash house or another. He was though known to every cook and server in town as he supplied nearly every one of us with cocaine. My apartment became the most popular place in town after hours and after John Joe moved in permanently we had a fairly constant stream of very nice looking young ladies dropping by for impromptu visits. We had our regulars including Kay who would bring her young daughter along and bed her down on the cot in my room while she took care of business out in the living room and sometimes in John Joe's room as well. 

I had one strict arrangement with John Joe. On the nights that my toddler son came over we lived in a no drug zone and everything got locked up. Any other night it was a free for all. John Joe kept a huge can of either in the bathroom to make freebase with. He kept syringes loaded in the bathroom for anyone who wanted to boot up. There were always lines out when the girls came over. I would sit in the living room trying to watch TV some nights and his headboard would bang on the wall right behind me while some coked up floozy screamed, "Fuck me fuck me!" One morning I came walking up the hall with my cup of coffee and a girl I'd never seen before walked out of his room wearing nothing but a pair of leather chaps. She said, "Good morning!" just as pleasant as you please and went on into the bathroom.

One evening a girl we both knew was over with another guy and we were all sitting and having some lite conversation and listening to some music. The guy said he had to be going and left the girl there with John Joe and me. The girl said, "Well ,shall we get going?" I asked "Get going where?" John Joe said, "You've been looking a little down lately so we're both gonna do her." And with that the girl was stripping off her clothes and asking about doing a few lines this apparently being part of the deal. John Joe took a look at her ample pubic region and said, "You're gonna have to clean that up a little first." and he handed her the clippers he used to trim his beard and damned if she didn't sit right down and do it. Now I have to say, I'd been in threesomes before but it was always with two girls and I found it a bit strange to be that close to another naked guy. I got through it though. We woke up the next morning and the girl was gone. Her clothes were still there and a big puff of hair in the middle of the floor but she had disappeared. It turned out she had just slipped on one of my chef coats and her shoes and split early in the morning.

A few weeks later I woke up and I heard Kay speaking on the other side of my door. "John Joe are you awake?" I heard John Joe grunt. "Can you watch my daughter for a couple of hours? I have to take my mother to the doctor." John Joe grunted again and I rolled over and went back to sleep. Awhile later I got up and got dressed and came walking out of my room. I saw the little girl come walking up the hallway and just at the moment John Joe came out of his room wearing nothing but a towel around his neck as he often did. He was also wearing a bouncing erection. He, the little girl and the boner all converged right about the same time. The girl was just about eye level with Mr Johnson. John Joe looked down at her, looked up at me, shrugged and said, "My morning hard on" and walked on to the bathroom. If I live to be one hundred I don't think I will ever forget the look on that child's face. 

Predictably thing began to get a little too crazy. People would be banging on the door at all hours of the day and night. 4:40 one morning I woke up to hear frantic pounding on the front door and pulled it open to find a guy named Ken saying, "Hey man you got any either?" I figured it was time to go. I started house hunting and a few months later put a down payment on my first home. Then I spent the next several weeks until closing in a complete panic thinking the police were going to break down the door and arrest us all at any minute. Several months after I moved there was a big bust in town although John Joe wasn't touched, God knows how. I saw less and less of him after I moved. With a mortgage to pay I had little disposable income to go up my nose and frankly I was afraid that I'd end up with an instant roommate again.

Most of those people from those days are long gone.Richie became a lawyer of some renown.  John Joe got cancer and died a few years later. Ken the crazy guy who came by looking for either tracked me down to let me know. He said, "I know you guys were close." I said, "Yeah, for awhile".

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kids, restaurants, roommates, drugs, sex, work

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And I thought this was a baseball post. rated anyway!
yeah, the old restaurant/coke combo. Been there briefly. Glad you were able to get out. Of the coke part, of course.
Now this is a brilliant adverb,"bouncing," as in "bouncing erection" it does conjure a vision. A girlfriend of mine told me once of something similar when her six year old daughter wandered into their bedroom as her husband was getting out of bed. Daughter screamed, "Mommy, Mommy, what's wrong with Daddy? Why does Daddy have a tail??"
Here I thought I'd be getting a little baseball fix on a Friday afternoon. Still, a good story. And I'd guess that a few 1980s Mets experienced something similar.
Oh, Lordy, I was expecting something about cooking. rated.
Anthony Bourdain woulda been proud of that post. I love to cook and had my chances to get into the restaurant business. Had I known it was that much fun, I might have pursued it.

"I got through it though." What a trooper!
When we were kids our parents told us that they had gone skinny-dipping in a friend's pool the night before. Youngest sister, eyes agape, asked "Oooh, Daddy, did she see your tail?"
Cap'n - Bourdain was a year behind me at CIA. We did our best to shepherd those young 'uns along.
I once sprained my foot at a nude hot springs and as sat on the ground writhing in pain, a series of bouncing peni went by at my eye level. it was a surreal moment.