The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.

WASHINGTON, D.C. Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen warned Congress yesterday that a speculative bubble in over-priced sports “tchotchkes” threatens the nation’s fragile recovery from the crash that followed a run-up in housing prices, and could hamper more tasteful decorating sche… Read full post »

I bought it with my tax refund, a rendering in violet blues, greys,
deep greens and indigo of the winter sun going down over a hedge.
It gave me peace to look upon it, especially on those hopeless days
when I’d leave home and return in the dark, fulfilling my pledge


to wife… Read full post »

“When the hounds of spring are on winter’s traces,” wrote Swinburne, “The mother of months in meadow or plain/Fills the shadows and windy places/With lisp of leaves and ripple of rain”? And who are you or I to gainsay that sentiment, however loaded it may be with hissing… Read full post »

In 1969, the first message was successfully sent over the ARPANET, the predecessor to the internet. Four and a half decades later, the internet has developed into one of the greatest advances in human history, freeing up human capital wasted on actual labor and diverting it to fantasy football league… Read full post »

FRAMINGHAM, Mass. Morton “Mort” Spiksa, a lawyer who came to be known as the “Poet of Terms and Conditions,” died last night after a brief illness at Gino Cappelletti Memorial Hospital. He was seventy-eight.

“Mort really had a way with words,” said Norton Oswald,… Read full post »

APRIL 13, 2014 10:34AM

Barbie at the Double-Nickel

2014 is Barbie’s 55th anniversary–news item.

I looked out the window of my Dream House and allowed myself a teensy-tiny moment of reflection. How far I’d come in fifty-five years! It seemed like only yesterday I was born, fully-developed, in a secret test lab deep within the bowels o… Read full post »

APRIL 12, 2014 5:21PM

At the Vatican-UFO Summit

In a departure from its traditional position that the earth is the only inhabited planet, the Vatican has consulted experts on the possibility of extraterrestrial life.

The Boston Herald

Even though I’ve been instructed never to disturb the Pope when he’s watching “Star Trek”… Read full post »

APRIL 11, 2014 8:37PM

Get Off My Lawn

I’ve reached the age at which I find
I value most my peace of mind
And for my mind to be at peace
I sometimes have to be unkind.

When I lie down to take a nap
I’m not inclined to hear some crap
about the coming fall of Greece
or some place hard to find on… Read full post »

APRIL 11, 2014 8:01AM

Ode to Tautology

The Morning Star looks like the Evening Star,
a B# sounds like a C.
My unmarried brother’s a bachelor–
They’re pretty much the same to me.

I travelled to visit Grant’s Tomb
to see who was buried there
I ate a hoagie, a sub and a grinder–
a lot of food, but I didn’t care.… Read full post »

BOSTON. For many years one of the most visited sites in this city full of tourist attractions was Filene’s Basement, the off-price retailer where men’s and women’s clothes that other stores couldn’t sell were displayed without ceremony and sold at deep discounts. “It ap… Read full post »

It’s all your fault,” I said as my fiancee peeled the lids back from my eyeballs, dessicated from the diuretic effects of too many beers, gin and tonics (or is it “gins and tonic”?), martinis and something called a “Zombie,” a high octane cocktail that came in a mu… Read full post »

APRIL 9, 2014 9:11PM

Trapping for Poetesses

In these days . . . so many ingenious traps for catching and hamstringing female poets have been invented that it is a rare editor who ever really sees one.

H.L. Mencken, Memoirs of an Editor

I set a snare before the door
of a shoppe that brewed its coffee… Read full post »

APRIL 9, 2014 12:10PM

Maisie Dear

Maisie dear, I can’t forget her–
I only wish her poems were better.
If they partook of lyricism
there’d be no reason for our schism,
but it’s too bad, that won’t be happening
because her lines are all quite sappening.

Me, by contrast, I write junk
to lift a poetessa&rs… Read full post »

To promote its experimental color television system CBS sold tickets to a closed-circuit broadcast of pieces of Swiss cheese and bologna.

Lush Life, David Hajdu

Enrico Caruso

As the fateful day on which we would attempt to broadcast sounds over invisible “radio waves” approached, w… Read full post »

Evelyn Waugh gave Edith Sitwell a pocket air-raid siren, which she would set off when people asked her whether free verse is more truly poetic than rhymed.

The Letters of Nancy Mitford & Evelyn Waugh

Edith Sitwell

As I turned the lock on the vault at the First Third Short… Read full post »

DROBZGYNI, Freedonia. Pro-Russian demonstrations in this, the capital of Freedonia, turned violent yesterday as angry crowds pelted the Ministry of Tubers with the pelts of weasels, the animal that appears on the nation’s currency.

Statue of Bloznar Ubtrecht, benevolent dictator duringRead full post »

APRIL 8, 2014 8:04AM

Fallen Women 101

A group of 50 academics has urged the Rhode Island legislature not to ban indoor prostitution, which is legal in that state.… Read full post »

GRAIN VALLEY, Iowa. This town of 10,000 in southeast Iowa proclaimed itself the “Starch Capital of America” in 1991 after a Parade Magazine survey found that residents depended on starchy foods such as potatoes, bread and pasta for more than 80% of the carbohydrates in their diet. “… Read full post »

NATICK, Mass. It’s a drizzly Saturday in this western suburb of Boston, but the weather hasn’t dampened the spirits of a thousand participants assembled here for a twenty-mile walk into the city. The problem is that organizers estimate the size of the crowd to be two thousand, but half of… Read full post »

News item: Officials in India have used eunuchs to collect unpaid taxes.

HAZARD, Kentucky. Ray Bob Suggins, a career revenue officer for the Internal Revenue Service in this small town at the confluence of the Tennessee and Ohio Rivers, thought he had seen it all in his thirty years collecting taxes f… Read full post »

As a condition to an appearance at a London shopping mall, Mariah Carey’s list of required items included 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, pink butterfly confetti and a wand to wave.


Dear Diary:

Just got back from my knuckle-hair waxing session, so can’t bear… Read full post »

WATERTOWN, Mass. European Motors, a garage here that specializes in the repair of the foreign cars favored by professors at local institutions of higher learning, is the scene of what must be some of the most stimulating conversations between lube jobs in the world. “We get all kinds in here,&r… Read full post »

BOSTON. This city, which at one point could claim to be the Hub of the Universe and not provoke laughter, boasts a world-class symphony orchestra, art museum and ballet company, but can’t seem to get off the schneid when it comes to type of highbrow culture: opera.

“I don’t know… Read full post »