The Thing From Bloggy Swamp
Con Chapman
- Location
- Boston, Massachusetts, USA
- Birthday
- September 28
- Bio
- . . . is the author of over forty books of humor available in print and Kindle format on amazon.com.
MY RECENT POSTS
- A Day in the Life of a Vatican
Sales Rep
May 16, 2012 03:59PM - Scientific Breakthrough Makes
Prestige Edible
May 16, 2012 08:14AM - About That Thousand Dollar
Blouse . . .
May 16, 2012 07:54AM - The Mata Hari of the Faculty
Lounge
May 15, 2012 09:05PM - Everything You Know About
Belly-Button Lint is Wrong
May 15, 2012 12:10PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Actually, "There'ss only
one Maltese Falcon" is a
quote
from--The
Malte…”
May 18, 2012 09:37AM - “I'm on the board of a
Catholic school that serves
only kids
living in poverty.
O…”
May 17, 2012 11:13AM - “You already won the door
prize for knowing
"gunsel"--now
you're just
sh…”
May 17, 2012 10:27AM - “I think that represent
schismatic thinking outlawed
by
Vatican II.”
May 17, 2012 10:23AM - “There's only one Maltese
Falcon.”
May 16, 2012 09:40PM
Con Chapman's Links
- New list
- Amazon's Con Chapman Page
- conchapman.com
A Day in the Life of a Vatican Sales Rep
For
the first time in half a century, Vatican administrative staff will
be required to clock in for work as part of a clampdown on
slackers.
&nbs… Read full post »
Scientific Breakthrough Makes Prestige Edible
About That Thousand Dollar Blouse . . .
The Mata Hari of the Faculty Lounge
Federal agents are warning leaders at top universities to be on the lookout for foreign spies or potential terrorists trying to steal their research. … Read full post »
Everything You Know About Belly-Button Lint is Wrong
I've noticed a trend recently. The East Coast newspapers I read, such as The New York Times and The Boston Globe, have taken to lecturing ordinary schmoes like me on a regular basis that things we believe to be self-evidently true are in fact false--when you look at them in the sort
Five First Date No-No's
So you've recovered from your last affair, and are ready to re-enter the dating scene. As any astronaut will tell you, re-entry is the most treacherous part of the job, with temperatures reaching several hundred degrees Celsius even before you get back to your place. Here are a
… Read full post »At the Repo Man's Christmas Ball
It was the depths of a recession,
And real estate prices had fallen.
Some contractors were overextended
And their creditors were callin’.
Me? I was just doing my job
Arranging for repossessions
Of cranes and ‘dozers and backhoes and such
By gun-for-hire Hessians.
One was a guy… Read full post »
Next Time You Want to Lose Money, Call Me First
Today’s top business story: Bruno Michel Iksil, a trader nicknamed the “London Whale,” may have caused J.P. Morgan Chase to lose $2.3 billion. This makes the $1.3 billion that Nick Leeson cost England’s Barings in 1995 look like pocket change.
“S
A Jar of Salsa in Southie
I came upon a jar in Southie,
With salsa was it filled.
It sat within a sidewalk square,
A centerpiece on a table bare.
The barren land fell all away
and left it there in low relief.
The jar was round upon the ground
and sat alone beside D Street.
I was on a
… Read full post »Five Things Your Banker Won't Tell You
Every year, there are fewer banks because of bank failures, industry consolidation and Japanese movie monsters such as Godzilla, who go on rampages and crush small to medium-sized community lenders. As a result, consumers are increasingly at a disadvantage in their search for pens ch
… Read full post »Me and Mad Dog at the Ballet
Saturday night in Boston, and my boyhood friend Mad Dog is in town.
Normally I take such an opportunity for a guy's night out at one of
Beantown's four major league sports venues, but this time Mrs. Dog
is with him, and my wife has put
Don Byas, Master of the Sexophone
Don Byas, the tenor who forms the bridge that links the swing and
bebop eras, used to say "I don't play the saxophone--I play the
sexophone.
You can understand his transliteration if you believe that the greater part of that basic human function is gentle seduction, and not just rocking… Read full post »
Romney: I Never Met That Health Law Before in My Life
ANN ARBOR, Michigan. Republican presidential candidate Willard "Mitt" Romney today denied that he was the father of the Massachusetts law that gave birth to a universal health measure known as "Romneycare," saying "I never met that bill before in my life."
"Talk to that guy ov
Don't Call Me a Slimehead--I'm an Orange Roughy!
TGIF With a Big-Balled, Yogurt-Eating Mouse
In an experiment at MIT mice fed yogurt as compared to junk food developed luxuriantly thicker fur and bigger testicles that they projected outwards, giving them an air of “mouse swagger.”
&nb… Read full post »
Lawyer Unites Rich, Poor in Close Confines of Private Jets
AGAWAM, Mass. For Rich Cseko, a lawyer whose practice is concentrated in business aviation, a typical day at the office finds him surrounded by wealthy clients as he caters to their personal transportation needs. “These people are too busy to fly commercial,” he says as
… Read full post »Lines in Contemplation of a Tragic Accident
If you were hit, dear, by a truck,
And I were left without you-
I wonder then who I would, er,
Sorry--let me start over.
I wonder up with whom I'd end
Among our unwed female friends.
There is the woman nicknamed "Midge"
Who meets with friends for contract… Read full post »
Writer Fired for Calling Freedonian Studies "Bogus Claptrap"
These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things
Portable crappers, and phat gangsta rappers
Overdressed lawyers, who think that they’re dapper
Blonde second wives who are festooned with bling-
These are a few of my least favorite things.
New SUVs that my teenage son crashes
Posh window treatments with jabots and sashes.
Pant legs that st
As Parents Monitor Social Media, Slambooks Come Back
UPTON, Mass. Twelve-year-old Jennifer Goshecki would like to have a Facebook account, but her mother Julie doesn’t think she’s ready. “Why should I expose her to millions of dirty old men on the internet,” she asks rhetorically. “We’ve
… Read full post »Lint-Roller Regs Tighten as Illicit Use Spreads
WAUMSFORD, Ill. First it was airplane glue, says Duane Lee Hoskins, manager of the Wal-Mart store here. "Kids would buy that stuff then show up to Friday night football games all demented," he recalls grimly. "It made for some pretty weak cheering by the pep club."
… Read full post »At the Mid-Missouri Home for Diffident White Smart-Alecks
Leroy “Satchel” Paige was
committed as a 12-year-old to the Alabama Reform School for
Juvenile Negro Law-Breakers.
“If You Were… Read full post »
A.J. Ayer,
founder of the Logical Positivist school of philosophy, had so many
love affairs “you quickly lose count.”
amazon.com.uk review of A.J. Ayer: A Life… Read full post »
The Auction of the Children's Animals
They enter slowly in twos, pairs of kids and cattle.
Once in the center of the ring the auctioneer begins his call,
and one of them knows that this will be all.
The buyers and lookers on stare and see only the other and
how much meat it holds on its bones—they bid… Read full post »
The Killer Who Sang for Kids
Imagine, if you can, a record producer coming to his boss with an idea for a new album; a collection of children’s songs by a black man who has been imprisoned several times, once for killing a relative in a fight over a woman, a second time for attempted murder of… Read full post »



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