The Thing From Bloggy Swamp
Con Chapman
- Location
- Boston, Massachusetts, USA
- Birthday
- September 28
- Bio
- . . . is the author of over forty books of humor available in print and Kindle format on amazon.com.
MY RECENT POSTS
- A Day in the Life of a Vatican
Sales Rep
May 16, 2012 03:59PM - Scientific Breakthrough Makes
Prestige Edible
May 16, 2012 08:14AM - About That Thousand Dollar
Blouse . . .
May 16, 2012 07:54AM - The Mata Hari of the Faculty
Lounge
May 15, 2012 09:05PM - Everything You Know About
Belly-Button Lint is Wrong
May 15, 2012 12:10PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Actually, "There'ss only
one Maltese Falcon" is a
quote
from--The
Malte…”
May 18, 2012 09:37AM - “I'm on the board of a
Catholic school that serves
only kids
living in poverty.
O…”
May 17, 2012 11:13AM - “You already won the door
prize for knowing
"gunsel"--now
you're just
sh…”
May 17, 2012 10:27AM - “I think that represent
schismatic thinking outlawed
by
Vatican II.”
May 17, 2012 10:23AM - “There's only one Maltese
Falcon.”
May 16, 2012 09:40PM
Con Chapman's Links
- New list
- Amazon's Con Chapman Page
- conchapman.com
Walk for the Cure for Man Boobs Draws Cheers, Jeers
WAYLAND, Mass. The first signs of spring are beginning to appear in the Northeast, and with them plans for the numerous walk-a-thons, 6 kilometer races and other charitable fund-raising events that crowd the region's roads with the coming of warm weather.
"We have old narrow highways, so som… Read full post »
Two Dead as Joyce Carol Oates Books Fall on Shoppers
FRAMINGHAM, Mass. Firemen worked frantically against the clock in a desperate attempt to save the lives of shoppers at the Barnes & Noble bookstore here after a shelf gave way when "Mudwoman," the most recent work by prolific author Joyce Carol Oates, was added to her already bulging collection… Read full post »
Let Me Buy You a Drink
For Victims of Chronic Free Bird Syndrome, Silence Is Golden
BOSTON. On a Thursday evening at Symphony Hall, the last few strains of a delicate piece by Debussy performed by the Guarneri String Quartet have left the audience in a blissful state of calm, which is broken only after an extended period of silence by appreciative applause. &nbs… Read full post »
Jock-Americans Latest to Seek Refuge in Hate Speech Codes
NASCAR Tells Vatican Popemobile Ineligible for Truck Series
MARTINSVILLE, Virginia. NASCAR officials have informed representatives of Pope Benedict XVI that he will not be allowed to compete in the Kroger 250 here next weekend because his vehicle, popularly known as “The Popemobile,” violates a number of mandatory specifications.
… Read full post »Study: Bovine Growth Hormone May Cause Triple Names
KNOB NOSTER, Mo. In spring, the schoolchildren of this small town west of Sedalia and east of Lone Jack can taste a difference in the milk they are served in school cafeterias. “It’s not stale anymore,” says Joe Don Mergen, a 6th grader at Jerry Lumpe Middle School as… Read full post »
My Brain is a Pre-Historic Babe Magnet
Charlotte Allen, The New Dating Game, The Weekly Standard
Me and my buddies Ug and Nutz w… Read full post »
Government Gets Back to Basics: Golf!
You Couldn't Pay for Publicity This Good, But I Did
The reviews are in for Everyday Noir, and they’re . . . fantastic! Kirkus Indie says “There’s a chuckle or a laugh in every one of Chapman’s noir-tinged stories.” You couldn’t pay for a review that good!
Actually, you could. And I did.
I&r… Read full post »
Tom Hanks and Glenn Frey: 21st Century Minstrels
Video of Tom Hanks and Glenn Frey participating in a blackface routine and mocking diversity at a pricey private school has surfaced.
Glenn Frey: Hotel California, or Roach Motel?
They have both been accused of hate crimes before, Hanks for stealing Bill Murray's schtick and Frey&n
… Read full post »Lament for Fluorescent Cats
Impress Your Man With Quantified Modal Logic!
Sad Songs of Spring: The Life and Loves of Fran Landesman
"When the hounds of spring are on winter’s traces,” wrote Swinburne, “The mother of months in meadow or plain/Fills the shadows and windy places/With lisp of leaves and ripple of rain”? And who are you or I to gainsay that sentiment, however loaded it may be with hi… Read full post »
Cash-Strapped Charities Try "Prank" Fundraising
WELLESLEY FALLS, Mass. Every Sunday, software engineer Bob Turley and three of his friends head out for a twenty-nine mile bike ride through two neighboring communities. "It's a great way to clear your head after the work week," he says. "Of course some of these
… Read full post »The Zydeco Gecko
As a child, the best parts of the Bible to me
(I know this may be heresy) were the bits
in Leviticus that dealt with leprosy.
Not so hard to understand, for a young boy
who sees scabs and skin and snot coming off or
out of himself to think–am I a leper?
So… Read full post »
Ripping Good Poetry Lures Boys Who Curse With Verse
WHARTON, Mass. This bucolic town north of Boston is home to one of the oldest private schools in the country, the prestigious Pringy Preparatory, whose graduates include two vice presidents and a secretary of commerce, but as yet no president. “It’s kind of a sore point,” says ass… Read full post »
My Stigmata
It happened last night. My wife and I were out to dinner with Sally and Jeff, two of our oldest friends, when my stigmata started acting up. At first I was able to hide it, concealing my bleeding hands beneath a maroon table napkin, but then Sally noticed a growing… Read full post »
Tila Tequila, Professional Tax Bisexual
"oh and dont let me tell u about TAXES! Did you know that it is NOT a law that you HAVE TO PAY TAXES? Wow..hold up..droppin 2 much knowledge."… Read full post »
Sugaring in the Graveyard
There is a cemetery
at the western edge of town
where the settlers from the east
were finally laid down.
I pass it on the way to the dump.
It was an exclusive place--no Catholics are buried there
and certainly no Jews.
The place was filled with
Protestants
who lined… Read full post »
At the Harvard Monkey Lab
In a room lined with monkey cages, country music softly twangs beneath the chirps of excitable cotton-top tamarins. Nearby, a “Tom and Jerry” cartoon plays to a room full of rhesus macaques.
Boston Globe article on corrective steps taken by Harvard’s primate lab after it was c… Read full post »
A Splash of the Pope's Cologne
Pope Benedict XVI commissioned a custom-blended eau de cologne that mixes “hints of lime tree, verbena and grass.”
&nbs… Read full post »
Boston Pub Regulars Want Apology From Obama
DORCHESTER, Mass. Mike Doyle’s Kinvarra Pub in this gritty Boston neighborhood is the sort of “third space” that sociologists say is essential to bringing community and a sense of belonging to urban residents. “You can tell them sociologists they got that one on the nosey,&r… Read full post »
Seamus Has the Palsy Now
Seamus has the palsy now,
who once was called another name.
He took your case whate'er your creed;
I loved him 'cause he would not bow,
he didn't care for praise or fame
and pled your cause despite your need.
Seamus' hands are shaking now
that once were still as stalking cats.
His face is wet
Mayans: Khloe Kardashian Marriage Will End December 21st
DALLAS. The segment of the population that gets its news in supermarket checkout lines breathed a sigh of relief yesterday as cryptologists examining Mexican stone precursors of modern tabloid newspapers concluded that the marriage of Khloe Kardashian to basketball player Lamar Odom will e… Read full post »
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