The Thing From Bloggy Swamp

"Music is real--the rest is scenery." Fats Waller

Con Chapman

Con Chapman
Boston, Massachusetts, US of A
September 28
. . . is the author of over fifty books--some with paper!--available on and elsewhere.

I ask if he can spare a minute and he says yes.
This is about your ancestors and mine, I say,
how, forced off the land, they sailed west
to Boston where, if they didn’t die on the way,
they and their faith were scorned in the schools.

He listens,… Read full post »

(Upon the poet learning that his cats had chased off a pack of coyotes)

You wish for assistance?
No, my cousin Okie.
If we die, it is our master’s loss,
But if we live, the fewer cats,
The greater share of honor.
With God as my witness, I wish not one cat more.

I am… Read full post »

MARCH 16, 2014 9:22PM

Living for You

She was as ironic as me, which I thought was great. We’d get going, and it would be like one of those Marvelous Marvin Hagler, Thomas “Hit Man” Hearns fights. If you were trying to judge it, you couldn’t even keep score. I’d say something I didn’t mean,… Read full post »

Keith Richards has co-written a children’s book that will be released this fall.

Rolling Stone

Mick ‘n me was flirtin’ with some birds of the human kind when it started to rain.

“Let’s go inside ‘n play!” Mick says and the girls says “Sure!&rdquo… Read full post »

MARCH 16, 2014 3:26PM

The People vs. Courtney Love

Pete Doherty, a member of the rock group “Babyshambles,” avoided jail time on drug charges when London District Judge Jane McIvor noted that the band’s song “The Blinding” was “a good tune.”… Read full post »
MARCH 16, 2014 11:46AM

She Was Once a Dancer

Laura & Sydney
Laura Young and Sydney Leonard of the Boston Ballet

We stood at intermission, sipping wine from plastic “glasses”
As the crowd surged, some urgent, some aimless, around us.
We hadn’t much to say as we watched the passing scene;
Enough vanity for a king’s court, enough jewe… Read full post »

MARCH 16, 2014 9:24AM

For Mary Agnes O'Keefe

You always said you’d put a brick on my head
to stop me from growing;
this, even after you were confined to bed,
grandfather long since dead,
and the youngest of us knowing
you’d gone round the bend,

accusing him of having an affair.
To you I owe what Irish I have;
your wit, the crooked… Read full post »

MARCH 15, 2014 11:16AM

Telling Colleen the Truth

Walt Whitman reserved particular scorn
for the members of that accursed race,
the Irish-born.

“A filthy rabble” he asserted,
he who celebrated all races and kinds
couldn’t find it in his heart to tolerate thine.

He envisioned America as a great big goulash
into which all should b… Read full post »

MARCH 14, 2014 9:17PM

The Ribald Friends of My Youth

Now that they’re nearly gone from my mind
I recall my friends from another time
Whose insights into the nature of eros
Made them–to my boyish ken–heroes.

First was a boy named Burlingame,
Wild of surmise with a wavy orange mane,
Who swore that he would never bed
His feminine count… Read full post »

MARCH 14, 2014 10:13AM

The Acid Rock Corrections Department

Because of a reporting error, guitarist Jimi Hendrix’s name was misspelled yesterday in a “g” section interview with psychologist Gary Marcus, who studies how the brain learns music.… Read full post »
MARCH 13, 2014 9:56PM

I Wear My Erudition Lightly

I wear my erudition lightly,
or at least I really try.
If you put on a heavily learned cloak
folks won’t think you’re a regular guy.

So I drop bon mots at cocktail parties
when the conversation starts to flag.
Like “Didja know that a guy named Tiresias
used to walk around all the… Read full post »

MARCH 12, 2014 8:45PM

She Froze a Something Off My Nose

She froze a something off my nose,
I’m better off without it I suppose.
It wasn’t a big deal, she said,
It’s just like a lichen on your head.

She took a can labeled “Histofreeze”
And sprayed it on me, didn’t ask “Please?”
The assistant covered my eye… Read full post »

MARCH 12, 2014 7:53AM

The Great Toothbrush Robbery

A man and two women robbed a drug store of $1,400 worth of toothbrushes, then fled the scene in a waiting get-away car.Read full post »

BOSTON. Lines snaked around the Back Bay Stop & Shop here today as if a nor'easter were on its way, and regular customers were more than a bit miffed at the inconvenience. "It's those bloggers," said Emily Nardello, a retired music teacher who moved back into the city with… Read full post »

MARCH 11, 2014 9:31PM

Ask the Language Monitor

The readers of this column have once again bombarded The Language Monitor with a veritable barrage of questions concerning the language which, with varying degrees of success, we read, write and speak. Reprinted here is a sampling of some of the more interesting queries received recently.

Q:… Read full post »

MARCH 11, 2014 7:48AM

Among the Troggs Studies Students

Liverpool Hope University has awarded the first masters degree in its Beatles studies program.… Read full post »
MARCH 10, 2014 8:49PM

Ask Mr. Car Person!

Spring is just around the corner, which means driving fun time, unless your vehicle is a garbage truck or there’s a guy in the back seat with a gun who demands that you take him to an Eagles reunion concert. How do you keep your car in tip-top shape?… Read full post »

MARCH 9, 2014 6:30PM

The Pope Tweets Lent

News item: The Pope will be tweeting during the forty days of Lent.

“I send this tweet in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.”

@tanya2damax Grlfriend we had deal no thongs until Easter LOL! Just in case U think I didnt notice.

@bobthedude23Read full post »

BOSTON. Ten-year-old Timmy Kwiezscki has a dream–to become a uniformed police officer patrolling a beat–but it’s not clear he’ll ever realize it. “The chances of out-living a case of Stage 3 Osgood-Schlatter’s Disease are zero,” says Dr. Norman Winkler at B… Read full post »

MARCH 8, 2014 2:12PM

The Woods Where I Last Saw My Cat

The woods where I last saw my cat
are white today. The snow’s begun to thaw
upon the ground where he likely
met his end, by tooth and claw.

The woods where last we heard of him
are quiet now. There was a noise that night,
my wife said, she didn’t give it… Read full post »

MARCH 8, 2014 9:57AM

Free to See Puppet Tits

Posters for the musical Avenue Q were rejected for bus shelters in Colorado Springs because they showed the cleavage of a fuzzy pink puppet.

The Boston Herald

Spot, waiting for the bus

It was a cold day, but I’d promised Spot–my free speech libertarian wingnut of a sock puppet&ndash… Read full post »

MARCH 7, 2014 7:50AM

Foundations of Western Logic


Logic, as any clear-thinking person will tell you, is essential to clear thinking. With the use of logic, you can get to the bottom of just about any thorny problem that may present itself to you in the course of a day, or until 5:00 p.m. when logic goes… Read full post »

CHICAGO, Ill. Ted Scroniger is President of the Cook County Bar Association through June of this year, but as the end of his term approaches he’s disturbed by a troubling trend in the law. “Enrollment is down at law schools across the nation,” he says, a function of high… Read full post »

NEW YORK. Maury Fleming, an all-purpose entertainer who is widely credited as the inventor of the role of comic straight man and side kick, died yesterday at the age of 91.

Maury Fleming and “Mikey O’Patrick”

“Maury was very versatile, he could do anything,” said… Read full post »

MARCH 6, 2014 7:55AM

Soccer Moms of Sparta