WASHINGTON.  President Obama’s innovative “Event Registry” has been a surprise fundraising success, netting his re-election campaign a trove of Cuisinarts, panini makers and candle sticks that kept his second quarter fundraising totals within striking distance of his Republican rival Mitt Romney.

“You know, we’ve actually got enough gravy boats, thanks.”

“This new political tool has been a stroke of genius,” said wedding planner Wendy Demasso.  “The GOP can hardly complain about deficits when we’ve received over three million dessert forks from people who care deeply about the future of this country.”

“You gave a place setting . . . to a politician?”

The so-called “Event Registry” allows donors to channel gifts they would give for weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and bat/bar mitzvahs to the Obama campaign, enriching traditional family social occasions with contentious political risk.  “My uncle Clint gave the President $100 just to piss off my dad,” said newlywed Courtney Hale.  “It goes back to some dispute over a baseball card or a girl or something.”

Made-in-America by Dough-nu-Matic!

The Federal Election Commission has not ruled on whether the Obama campaign must keep the gifts or can exchange them for cash.  “The law is fairly clear when it comes to store credit,” said former Commissioner Burleigh Chase, Jr.  “If you trade in a toaster oven for a countertop donut maker, you disclose the appliance on FEC Form 128, and any donuts you may make thereafter need to be reported quarterly on Form 128Q.”

Appearance of impropriety?

The Romney campaign is playing catch-up when it comes to wedding gift donations according to independent pollsters.  “Eight-six percent of Americans dislike the amount of money in politics today,” noted Charles Moegolin of Campaign Strategies, LLC.  “The other 14% asked if we could put their grilled cheese back in the sandwich press.”