Rushed to Hospital, Biden Brain Scan Yields False Positive
WASHINGTON, D.C. Vice President Joseph Biden was rushed to Walter Reed Hospital for a brain scan today at the request of President Obama after Biden cast a pall over the signing of the health care reform bill by referring to it as a "big deal," adding a vulgar word that means sexual intercourse. "Joe is exhausted as we all are," said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs. "He gets brain cramps around microphones."
“The tests showed that I do not have a brain or even any of its symptoms.”
Biden passed the test with flying colors as the brain scan yielded only a “false positive.” “For critics who have been sniping at me behind and in some cases in front of my back, I say to you–phooey!” Biden declared to cheering supporters before adjourning to a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant.
Otto the Orange
Biden graduated 76th out of 85 students in his Syracuse University law school class, a ranking that he claimed put him in the top half. When offered the opportunity to correct his mathematical error, Biden replied “A lot of politicians will say different things to different audiences. That’s my answer and I’m sticking to it.”
“I’m having a hard time following your pre-emption argument because of your stupid outfit.”
Biden has long claimed that he would have done better in law school if he had not simultaneously held down the position of Otto the Orange, the Syracuse University mascot. “They put me in that costume the first week of school and didn’t tell me how to get out,” he complained to reporters. “It sure didn’t help during my moot court presentation.”
“Joe called me ‘articulate’. He found that big word in his Golden Book Encyclopedia.”
Biden's gaffe was the only sour note on a day with historic repercussions, and political analysts pointed to the Vice President's hasty retreat as a sign that Obama is feeling more confident after his big legislative victory. "They keep Biden around as a sort of good luck charm," noted impolitic.com's Sean Heffernan. "He's like the National Honor Society president that a head cheerleader takes along when she goes to the mall."
Trying hard to look thoughtful.
The White House said Biden would be dispatched to states with close races coming up this fall in the hope that he could help Democrats maintain majorities in both houses of Congress. “Republicans win with candidates who aren’t smarter than the American people," noted Biden. "I’m the only guy who can beat them at their own game.”
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Don Rich
Ken Honeywell
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Comments
Sarah Accused Joe of bidding on Chuck E. Sneeze stockyards.
If politico talk people snore and say`Let's Go get Pa Pa John.
Pa Pa John Pizza is a favorite ABA call-out Pizza Barn Pitcher.
Barrooms are filled with lawyers bogging at Ponzo strip Bars.
DCs H- & K- Street is the place to be if a Lawyer member ABA.
Bog all day,
gulp pitcher,
prune juices,
onion & liver.
Merry Welk blew bubbles and the chiffon dressed singers wear pink tutu and brawl.
fight and scrap.
sip martini too.
cc not E. Holder?
You think sane?
And as an Orangeman, let me tell you that Syracuse is the only place where 76th out of 85 puts you in the top half. They grade on a curve.
I like reading the news anyway, and you're earlier than Jon Stewart, and people at work hardly notice all the chuckling out loud.
R
"I started thinking as I was coming over here, why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go to a university? [Then pointing to his wife in the audience] Why is it that my wife who is sitting out there in the audience is the first in her family to ever go to college? Is it because our fathers and mothers were not bright? Is it because I'm the first Biden in a thousand generations to get a college and a graduate degree that I was smarter than the rest?"
As for brains, in Washington the smartest people are seldom the ones on camera. Biden ain't no Rhodes scholar, but then again I seem to recall that Clinton was -- at least he had sense enough to realize "it's the economy, stupid". And Obama, I believe, was first in his class at Harvard Law -- hard to top that.
I don't know about Bush's IQ, but his WQ (wisdom quotient was too low to measure). Gotta admit, tho, he and Cheney both were smart enough to rob the country blind for the benefit of their friends the Have-Mores.
Then there's John McCain, who got into Annapolis on a legacy admission, and finished 894th out of 899 in his class. I guess it could have been slightly worse, but maybe that explains why he picked Palin. Or maybe it's like Mom used to say "when God handed out brains, he thot He said trains, so he asked for a slow one."
He's no doubt a bright guy, but judging by the fact that he never published anything while he was on the Review, nor later when he was at the University of Chicago, he's no legal scholar. That's no knock against him as a politician; Bill Clinton taught constitutional law and never published anything either, but even his opponents have to admit he was a consummate politician. What neither Clinton nor Obama is, judging by some of the positions they take on what the Constitution means, is a constitutional scholar.
Gold. Pure Gold.
F***in' A!
Veep Biden was only misquoting former MA Governor Romney, who, on enactment of the Mitt Romney-Scott Brown Massachusetts Health Coverage Reform Act, said:
“Around the country, people are watching because they know this is big.”
[NPR April 8, 2006. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5330792&ps=rs & http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5330854 ]
And although reports from Massachusetts stated: “The measure would be the first in the nation to require people to buy health insurance” [and: “Those who can afford insurance will be increasingly penalized for not buying coverage. In the first year, they'll lose their state personal income tax exemption.”], not one Republican Attorney General from any other state jumped up to file a lawsuit against the ‘Romney-Brown abomination’!
Any first year law student can tell you that original jurisdiction under the Constitution for one State’s lawsuit against another State lies with the U.S. Supreme Court. So where in hell have these AG’s been for the past four years?
So, let Biden be Biden. You should be focusing your ears on the latest “Let them eat bullets” salvo from the former Guv Sarie Palintoinette of the North and now ‘Lower 48.’ At least she’s looking across state boundaries.
Do me a favor -- write something about Ann Coulter. Only how do you satirize a caricature?
I have to admit I've never seen Ann Coulter because I only watch sports on TV, with the sound off and jazz in the background. But I'll get my crack team of sarcastic researches on the case.
I have to admit I've never seen Ann Coulter because I only watch sports on TV, with the sound off and jazz in the background. But I'll get my crack team of sarcastic researchers on the case.
After eight years of the Bush Idiocracy, the current ape-like Repub senators and reps, and the latest Tea Party Stupidities, Biden comes off first class.
How come I never heard of you before, Con?
But your use of the brain scan, etc, is more offensive to me because of his past medical history of brain surgery for an anurysm. That's not very funny. My son has a chronic condition, a benign brain tumor that can reoccur and has reoccured three times, requiring two surgeries and one radiation treatment, and many expensive drugs to keep him productive and functioning. He is one of those who lost his job and for a period of time was without health insurance to cover those drugs or to receive intervention, if it had reoccurred during this period of time. It's not funny.
I think there were and are many other "takes" you could have taken with which to tease this man who is very intelligent, articulate, and, frankly, delightful.
What a waste of space and you aren't even enlightening, humorous. The only point you have made is that you might be ignorant.
What else is wrong with you?
So, Con, cling to your Dred Scott state of jurisprudence - but please understand that "Dred Scott" was not just the U.S. Supreme Court's or Chief Justice Taney's attempt at, or contribution to, satire. There's not been any 'immobile state citizenry' since The Missouri Compromise of 1820. Some citizens were made not to be citizens - it is true, but only to the shame of all jurisprudence and claims to a human conscience. An equally shameful "separate but equal" doctrine was drawn in context of a restored 'mobile citizenry,' moving by train from state to state in 1896.
I can assure you that if my State's Attorney General Rob McKenna is - with the other AGs - successful in the lawsuit against yesterday's enactment on Health Care, the necessary consequence will be to strike down also significant elements of your state's Health Care law. It's not a case drawn along the lines of "Federalism." I don't want my Attorney General in Washington State crushing the Health Laws of Massachusetts. And I don't want him denying to the people of this state the modicum of reform or assistance that this new federal law offers or eases forth.
I dropped out of the same university that Bill Gates dropped out of. I've worked with a Summa Cum Laude graduate of Princeton's Class of '55 and a graduate with distinction of Harvard Law School's Class of '58 - who was an editor with and published writer in the Harvard Law Review. He, too, was a presidential candidate - but so marginal that I had to support the candidacies of Al Gore, John Kerry and Barack Obama over his - notwithstanding their less prestigious academic credentials. Joe Biden? Thank god, there's a 25th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution! If he can't elevate himself above the self-destructive level of a James Watts or an Earl Butz, or the crude language of a Dick Cheney or Rahm Emmanuel, then he perhaps he has the intelligence and fleeting wisdom sufficient to employ it - or else wise to step aside in 2012.
You're reading a seriousness into my no-LOL jokes. But, of course, also ignoring any serious points.
Like, DOMA has nothing to do with your father wearing your mother's shoes.
YOU: 'I didn't say my "mother's shoes;" I said "women's shoes."
Ok. So, we all miss the point.
For a moment I thought you were serious!
From the GripeVine.... & Donah..//