The Grand Old Party has begun placing bear traps full of desirable items all over Manhattan in hopes of bringing the Occupy Wall Street protests to a standstill. Several of the jobless protesters who fell victim to these traps where rushed by ambulance to Lenox Hill Hospital. Each of which were interviewed by the media. By one person in the media: Davis Geraldi, a freshman reporter for the Bronx Community High School. Geraldi first spoke with the man pictured above, Seth "the sethmeister" Adams, 34, born and raised in Manhattan.
GERALDI: I'm told by doctors you were the first protester to fall victim to the GOP trap.
the sethmeister: Dude! I'm not a protester. I was just out for a pack of smokes, so I was like, "hell yeah" when I saw a freebie.
GERALDI: You didn't notice the "freebie" was located inside a trap?
the sethmeister: Man I'm spaced. My girlfriend is giving me hell lately.
GERALDI: Why did you tell the doctor you were a protester?
the sethmeister: You wouldn't interview me if you knew I wasn't a protester. Right? C'mon dude, you know it.
GERALDI: May I ask, why haven't you joined in Occupy Wall Street? Aren't these issues of wealth and power distribution, health care reform, and joblessness also concerns of yours?
the sethmeister: You're like my girlfriend asking questions all the time. Dude, grow a pair!
Reporter Geraldi met with the other victims hospitalized after ensnarement in the GOP traps but like Seth "the sethmeister" Adams, none of them were protesters. The list of injured consisted entirely of people who had run out of cigarettes. He decided to switch gears and interview a representative from the GOP. When that failed he requested that Seth "the sethmeister" Adams pretend to be a powerful Republican so he could finally wrap up his high school article. Since Geraldi didn't specify if the political figure had to be alive or not, Seth chose to be Richard Nixon.
GERALDI: How does your party feel about the ineffectiveness and overall failure these traps had on stopping protesters from attending Occupy.
NIXON: Whatever bro! Those protesting knuckleheads are all about "appearances" just like JFK is… like I told Ford, the wiretap will always be more effective than the bear trap. VOTE NIXON IN 2012!
Reporter Geraldi cut short the interview with Nixon after receiving an urgent call from his mother. She was out of smokes and asked if he could quickly bring her some. Geraldi secretly pocketed Nixon's cigarettes and made his way home.