Reading in the NYT about the ratings travails of giant authors like James Baldwin and E.M. Forster after being consigned to the Adult bin by Amazonian midgets, I had to find out first hand what company their books were keeping.
I must be the only person on Open Salon that didn't realize Amazon even had an Adult division. If one spends all of one's spare time alternating between Monty Python and Dostoyevsky, one is evidently not an adult, so.....
The screenshot of Amazon's Adult Products above is not for mere titillation. Examine it closely. Together with the not unexpected Desi & Elli Fox: Mother/Daughter Porn Team and works by the memorably yclept Sook-yin Lee and Sean Biggerstaff ..... SURPRISE! We have the rather improbable coupling of:
There had to be more. Gorgias by Plato and Irwin, perhaps? I had to slip past
I barely glanced at the "Sexy School Girl Mini Skirt" (in electric tartan - $29.95), "Dreamgirl Open Crotch Thong" (unverifiable because the vital spot was black-blobbed, so Caveat Emptor -- $24.95) or "Rough Rider Anal Lube" (literally Priceless). And sure enough, there it was, in the heart of the Adult Community of Amazon:
So now I don't understand the kvetching of some of the authors quoted in the NY Times:
I am sure these writers and their works are of great moment and import. One would think they would be ecstatic keeping company with such immortals as Baldwin, Forster, Aristotle and Dostoyevsky (not to mention Joseph Jr. Smith). On the other hand, if it's exposure that Messrs. Probst et al want, they could do worse than join Open Salon.
The OS Edition:
Here they would not only not be remaindered onto the cut-price piles in the back room, they would be virtually guaranteed automatic EPs and Open Salon Cover status. For it has been reliably learnt that the Editors are looking for replacements for such erstwhile worthies as:
AmyTuteurMD. Dearly departed and loudly lamented, who can fill her void? Her oeuvre, and each opus a timeless OS Cover:How would you like to be on a desert island with a thanatophobic sex fantasist?
jeffrey dach md. Creationist. Vitaminist. Bio-identical Hormonalist. Anti-aging and Wellness clinicist. (Hullo, Drs. Scruggs and Lucente
-- also of anti-aging, wellness and, wait for it, STEROIDS fame).
amaresh ambarkar. The Acne Guy. "Baby Acne and What You Must Know."
De mortuis nils nisi bonum and all that. But who will replace them? Such authors as Jostling Testicles Harder, Larry the Loon (Gavia Canadiensis); titles like "Craig's List Call Girl with PhD"(open call), "Brazilians have big NUTS!" (foodie humor); the Eds straining at Tea Party coverage of Republican circle jerks? Close, but no Clinton cigar.
I say if we can't have Plato or Aristotle on the Cover, if we can't lure "The Filly" Probst or Prof. "All I Could Could Bare" Seymour to OS, at least give us:
Copiously noted for Mrs. M.:
Nota bene: Junior members will observe how the inclusion of the talismanic "OS" in the title, no matter how tortured the connection, transforms an otherwise trivial piece into a transcendental Über-meta post.
End Notes: Cheeky! (Producers Cut, Unrated, English Version) (2000) might well be the living end, the end-all-and-be-all of the genre.
Starring: Yuliya Mayarchuk, Jarno Berardi Director: Tinto Brass Rating: Unrated Format: DVD