What do you get when you breathe new life into classic (or crappy) best sellers of decades past by mixing them up with modern day woes and general celebrity idiocy? A list and a brief synopsis, that’s what. Here’s a list of ten best sellers with slightly revised titles and exciting changes to the original story lines that would surely make Hemingway and Michener proud to be writers today.
The Old Man and the C-Section: After years of in vitro fertilization, finally conceiving, giving birth to twins and cutting their umbilical cords, the amazing story of Celine Dion and her husband’s inability to come up with names for their newborn babies.
How about naming those boys "Felix" and "Oscar"?
The Satanic Curses: Chilling novel set in 21st century America about would be political candidate Christine O’Donnell’s struggles with self-love and gainful employment.
Once is More than Enough: Brett Favre’s return to football. Again.
Mistrial’s Daughter: The not yet published story of John Edwards’ and Rielle Hunter’s love child as told to the Grand Jury from her point of view, beginning at inception, on the campaign trail, in the womb.
The Bored Supremacy: Delusions of grandeur and other tall tales from the life and times of Glenn Beck.
He's Crying All the Way to the Bank
The Not So Firm: Monica Lewinsky and Kirstey Alley chew the fat in this calorie-rich “how to” about late night eating habits.
The Sexorcist: The rise, fall and rise of Tiger’s Wood and the texting demons that follow him.
Still Waiting to Exhale: The long -awaited Bill Clinton confession that will shock three people in the world.
Half-Baked Alaska: If it’s possible, an even longer version of the Michener classic that tells the never-ending one word story of Sarah Palin.
The Whore’s Whisperer: The 400 volume tell-all that politicians, sports figures and celebrities pay handsomely to suppress, ensuring it will never see the light of the publishing day.
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Andrea Higbie
Carolyn Jung
tr ig
Jeff Sawyer
Colleen Claes
Stephen Fraser
Salon.com
Comments
Good thinking Cartouche'
Rated for intelligent, literate and topical humor.
My favorite is Half-Baked Alaska because I so love S.P.
Beautiful!!!! May be your greatest, most clever single sentence! And that is saying a lot! {{{R}}}
Ahh celine... felicitations.
rated with hugs
Wait, crap, was suppose to make my love letter to cartouche today's post.
:(
;)
Rated.
Very clever post, as always. R
Idiot?
Hopefully an EP for you today.
Great stuff, cartouche.
Lezlie
It Takes A Pillage -- the autobiography of Alan Greenspan, in which the putative genius refutes his sort-of confession (others were guilty of monetary malfeasance but not him) and again pledges his undying devotion to the third-rate romances and thirtieth-rate economic philosophy of Ayn Rand. AG reiterates his belief that permitting economic pillaging by the greediest bastards on the planet will inevitably benefit the commonweal.
PS The sequel is being written as we speak, and is due out Nov 2.
OK:
"The Human 'Splain" -- long-lost tell all by by Ricky Ricardo about his crossover success.
"Wuthering Hypes" -- surviving the age of Fox News
"Candide! Dide Not! Dide So!" -- Voltaire reworks his best of all possible books as the travails of a newbie talking head/pundit, trying to make his point on the internets.
"A Streetcar Named Fuck You, Asshole" -- Set in modern times, Stella leaves Stanley months before Blanche loses Belle Reve. A 10 minute play.
"Dante's Pizza Inferno" -- cookbook
The Bored Supremacy my absolute favorite.
Are you a Quebecoise (that right?) who followed the sun to Florida?
Bet you are.
R
Anyway, I'll play along. How about The Lions, The Witch and the Wardrobe Malfunction - Christine O'Donnell's misadventure in Ford Field.
rated