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Caroline Hagood

Caroline Hagood
Brooklyn, New York,
November 23
I'm a writer living in Brooklyn. My articles have appeared in various publications, including The Guardian, Salon, the Huffington Post, and The Economist. My first book of poems, Lunatic Speaks, is available from FutureCycle Press and my second poetry book, Making Maxine's Baby, is available from Hanging Loose Press:


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NOVEMBER 24, 2010 4:13PM

10 Signs That You May Be a Windbag

Rate: 44 Flag


(And yes I'm guilty of some of these.)

1. In college, you raised your hand in class with your palm facing you.

2. It's okay to roll your own French cigarettes, read the New Yorker, and have a degree in the humanities from a school whose name your parents paid dearly for, but it's not okay to strenuously ensure that everyone knows it.

3. You pepper your language with foreign words that you overpronounce with maddening zest, which angers people only a smidge less than your incessant talk about your trip to Parrrrrr-eeeee last year.

4. You prefer vinyl because the sound is less "sterile." 

5. You've read both the Iliad and the Odyssey in Homeric Greek.

6. You think listening to rap makes you a postcolonial critic.

7. You see your friends' grammar mistakes as teaching moments.

8. You're getting a graduate degree but not even those closest to you can say what on earth it's in because there's just too much jargon in the title.

9. There's no need to call it an imbroglio, just admit that you f-ed up.

10. You frequently employ the term weltanschauung…when talking about your pets.

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pretentiousness, people

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Now listen here, my Weltanschauung is an imbroglio between me and my cats! =o)

Oh my! First?
Whew! For a minute, I thought I might be one. R
What about incessant pretend conversations on the cell phone in public to show everyone how important you are?
i rarely discuss ideology with the cat, you see it's a complicated situation.
I've never been called a windbag to my face. Dirtbag yes. Windbag no.
Caroline, that looks a complete guide to a windbag, now I'd love to hear about the bloviator . . . !
Yes, but do you pronounce the "w" properly like a "v"? And which way makes you a windbag?
-You have a pseudonymous blog with the word "Talk" in it. That's pretty windbaggy.
Admitting to an imbroglio is a lot more fun than saying "My Bad."
Even windbags need a little affection.
rated with love
You pepper your language with foreign words that you overpronounce

or worse, that you mis-pronounce . . . not that I know anyone like that!
You must know my neighbor...
You've nailed it. I think we've all known someone that fits in this category. Hopefully, it is not moi. R.
"You see your friends' grammar mistakes as teaching moments." - If this is the case (and I agree that it is), about 99.9% of French people are windbags. Thanks for backing me up on this with your article!
Good to know that I'm not one.
Happy Thanksgiving Caroline.
I was worried at first, because I understand all of those. But I feel better because I've never let anyone who does these things get anywhere near me.

I was worried at first, because I understand all of those. But I feel better because I've never let anyone who does these things get anywhere near me.

I haven't done any of those, and I had to research some of them to figure out what the hell you're talking about. So I guess I'm just a "bag" rather than a "windbag" and I'm not sure which is worse.
Fortunately, I'm not smart enough to understand any of those. :)
Ha! very humorous Caroline.. god I hate those 'teachable moments' just the damn name..
so glad I don't know anyone like this..
My cat's the windbag, not me!
Nice list! (This is partly a matter of self-recognition--I've been guilty of a couple of these in the past.)
Caroline, you are a keen observer of windbags. Well done!
11. You choose a nickname that starts with the word "cranky."

Fortunately, I don't even know how to spell weltenschnauzer.
I had a Weltanschauung when I was kid. His name was Skippy! Good little doggie.
We used to smoke Gitanes, dahling. They were a par excellent accoutrement to the beret however I still prefer vinyl. I have to go and look up " imbroglio and weltanschauung " now though ... Hhmm, guess I don't qualify.
Ah, how I've missed you! I died laughing at the palm facing forward one! Hope you are well and have a delightful turkey day.

OK, I confess. I have been horribly guilty of #7. And in the last few years, as penance, I've decided to live with the grammar (and spelling, and punctuation) errors of my colleagues and friends. And oh GOD does it hurt.
i'm still glad i never took german. ;

have a great thanksgiving, caroline!
Okay, several things here: Yes, I do raise my hand in class. Palm outward. Never toward myself, unless I'm holding up two fingers. Never heard of Weltanschauung, only Rottweilers, Shih Tzus, Dobermans, and Weimeranners. Sure, I see people's bad grammar as teachable moments for a would-be writer like yours truly. But, they're definitely not my friends. Trust me. (Cuz if they are, I can be very forgiving.) And last but not least, I never call my fuck-ups "imbroglio". A fuck-up is just a fuck-up. Deal with it. And seriously, have a happy Thanksgiving.
Thank God, I have no idea what you are talking about. Good post, but do you really know people like that?
My pets' weltanshauung is all about the vinyl. Happy Thanksgiving, Caroline.
Fantastically clever...had me laughing out loud at my laptop. I am embarrassed to admit that I used the term "weltanschauung twice this week.
These are so good. I think no 7 is my favorite. Feels so close to home.
Shiral: I think that's how those words were meant to be used. Good job.

Trudge: nope. I don't think so.

OEsheepdog: now that would certainly count

Chuck: It sounds complicated:)

littlewillie: Dirtbag is better

designanator: I'll get on it:)

john: probably the v more

Man Talk Now: I think we all qualify to some extent, but I actually think your self-awareness probably lessens your windbaggery

Romantic Poetess: well this windbag certainly needs affection

Christine: Thanks!

Owl: me, neither:)

mypsyche: I do!

Rita: pas toi

Alysa: interesting

Phoenixbobafett: to each his own

xenolit: guess you're in the clear then

Bellwether: bags are good:)

Duane: I'm sure that's not true

rita: really? nobody. that's rare

Don: me, too!

Sirenita: sure:)

rob: so have I

Catherine: I'm glad you think so

Cranky: thank goodness

Bucklaw: very good little doggie

Scarlett: how ab fab of you:)

sparking: Hope you have a delightful turkey day, too!

nolalibrarian: I see:)

Divorce Bard: I'm glad to hear you're holding it in

femme forte: ha! Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.

schopenhorror: your honesty is refreshing

Janice: That I do

Ken: Happy Thanksgiving!

Cognitive Dissonance: thanks a lot

Algis: I know a lot of people who do it
Love #10. Don't know what weltanschauung means, but it WILL make an appearance in my next opportunity for small-talk. Rated
Nice. What if one occasionally enjoys a 40 oz. out of a paper bag? It may or may not be windy. Whatever that term is applies to me. Also, I followed your advice about lists on my own blog. Copycat Weltanschauung.
Trish: I would love to hear you use it in small talk.

Yawp: I just saw your list post. It was very charming.
How about if you say Baa Habaaa instead of Bar Harbor? R~
Good one! I don't really match up to those signs, but there have been times when I've called myself a "Pontificator" - but I think I have it under control now!
Hilarious! I thought number 8 was the funniest. Then I read 9. And then 10!

I hope whoever you wrote this about doesn't read it--or has a forgiving nature. (Though he or she is probably too obtuse to recognize the connection.)
Dave: I'd say that qualifies

Kate: Yeah, I'm definitely a pontificator

AtHomePilgrim: I don't think anyone will be offended. It's more about a group of people than one in particular.
I can't stop laughing about number 1. (Pause to raise hand with palm facing me--continue laughing hysterically).

Thanks. I needed that.
Now I know what to do tomorrow when I feel like crying. No shit, I will love you forever for this.
The Good Daughter: Aw, so glad to hear that!
None of these . . . I just talk to damn much. :P

Lady Miko: well, I certainly hear you on that one.
Good lord, you've been talking to my wife! But she lied about the weltanschauung. I only use it when talking about other people's pets.
Why are those galoshes falling out of a winged thimbel with a strawberry on top?
Oh yeah, and at first when you mentioned weltanschauung I thought that you were talking about me and wondered, "How would she know that?"
Windbags and know-it-alls are people too!
Alan: thanks so much!

Matt: I'm glad to hear it.

Fred: very funny. I was talking about you.

Dr. Spudman: indeed they are