Clouds over Peoples Unitarian Universalist Church, built in 1878. (c) Gazette 2010.
I have spent years trying to control my anger, and I thought I'd succeeded, but instead, I suppressed it. Suppression does not mean you've controlled anger, it just goes underground like a river, and bubbles up in little spring-lets of depression, hate and regret when I least expect it.
That is what happened to me when they, again, voted to sell Peoples Church, built in 1878. It has had a "For Sale" sign out front for two years, but I did not believe that it would sell. Deal after deal fell through. Now it looks like the property is going to shoot up in value due to a coming medical mall, so of course, we have a "secret" buyer.
Why doesn't this person/company doesn't want their name to be known if everything is above board? Of course, they stand to make a lot of money on our property which is a whole block of downtown. I wish I could buy it. They are asking less than I sold my outlying properties for.
So, I am angry and frustrated. I don't want to be. I can tell I am angry because (1) I have written several acerbic posts on Facebook and here, with the idea of telling the truth. (2) I cried on the minister's shoulder in front of the church (3) I denied that I cared at all about selling the church, saying, 'It isn't really MY church" (4) I worried and rethought posting, and even copied, then deleted, posts thinking that it wasn't fair of me to judge what others have done when I don't know all of the circumstances. (5) I have read over and over Lama Surya Das's book, Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be. (6) I have meditated and meditated on non-attachment. (7) I've tried to 'let go and let god.'
I still suffer. I look for the lesson. I look for the meaning, the message of my anger. A wise woman has told me to discover what my emotions are trying to tell me. Another one said to allow my emotions to bubble up to the surface, to feel them fully and not be afraid of them. Feel them bubble up, feel as angry as you can (without acting out), then watch as they recede. That is hard after spending your whole life believing that anger is bad. That sorrow is bad. Is it anger or is it sorrow?
I think of Gibran in The Prophet:
... selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. How else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Anger can be a call to action, giving energy and life. It could be calling me to fight for salvation of this building. It could also be calling me to reexamine myself and my ecological ethics. It could be calling me to 'let go' of that which I can't control.
It could be calling me to realize that everything is not about me. And sometimes, I just don't know. This is one of those times. I don't know.
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Comments
The Gita said, sometimes it is necessary to go "eye for an eye".
Sikhism was based on that - when good is at stake, you have to be angry and fight back. Keep writing about it
It takes sometime for human brains to register what you are saying and most people today are unthinking zombies - be patient and keep praying - somehow that keeps me cut through the weed and stay focused on the real issue.
Rated with a hug (cry tears of wrath and then wipe them away and just get back at them - thats what I do, am doing) Remember, whatever nurtures is good, whatever destroys something, anything is bad. If you can sensitize people that use that Church that it is an imp piece of history with everyone's memories connected to it - an imp part of their childhood, they must have had their weddings there, children baptised - whatever - if they can see that they can change things, people will rally around you.
Also find out who they are selling it to - you have to be talking to those guys too - divert them to some other convenient alternative.
Often people are set on something bec they think there are no alternative? So - work on it both ways :a) talk to the users of that Church, staff b) start a dialogue with the "sellers" dealers" too. Also get a landbroker on your side, find out another piece of property that might appeal to those guys
Lotsa work - do you have time? Do you have the people and the will to do all that work? Otherwise let it go.
Write a poem take pictures and save it in memorabilia
Anything is really alive in our minds - people pass away - and we keep them alive through ceremonies and memories, right?
Something like that. another hug Cathy. Love and hugs.
Am fighting a very dirty fight right now, upto my knees in muck and I can't think straight - later I shall be back. T.C.
And anyone who says people never change are confusing a person with his or her will -
Time changes everyone.
Ever notice how people who say “People never change” are usually referring to other people who they don’t approve of, as opposed to those they find like-minded. Biology tells us that people are changing all the time. I think we sometimes confuse people with their will. Even strong -willed people change if they live long enough. Time changes everything.
Although you care personally, perhaps the Unitarian God doesn’t care if this particular church is de-commissioned and is already looking to a new church in a new location.
when the neighbour breaks down the wall we feel resentment, what about when we break it down accidentally, ourselves? what do we feel then?
anger that leads to good is righteous. hunger that leads to something bad is greed, gluttony - a bit like that I think. between anger and hunger :)
So do your advisors, telling you to
1.let the anger bubble up and mindfully watch it,
simultaneously letting it go, and therefore learning:
2.what your anger is about. The building is a
substitute for something. For you, personally.
It is, and it isn't, about the building...
as you say, "Anger can be a call to action,
giving energy and life. "
But anger must be overcome in understanding.
Anger is a symptom that there are idiots
at work in your world.
But there will always be idiots.
Choose well the idiots you wish to vanquish.
Start with yourself. I am an idiot,
i know this, and it makes me angry because
the introjected crap that makes me an idiot
simply isn't me.
I have a right to hate it, tear it down, and
rebuild it, mentally..
Anger brings conflict, conflict brings truth.
I struggle with the "surf" as well...that is how I see riding Life without hanging on to every little thing, I as am wont to do...this means we have caring hearts, doesn't it?? : )
I am sad that you wonder at the anger you have
-- There is much to be angry at
I am sad that you try to be other than you are
-- The uniqueness that is you should be cherished
I am sad that you look inward so much
-- You only find inside what you have put inside
I am sad that you find so little there
-- Self is small; universe must be let in
---
Philosophy cannot help you
-- Its purpose is to speculate; not to offer answers
Religion cannot help you
--Its purpose is to deceive
The wisdom of others cannot help you
--Their wisdom is for them. You have your own
The changing of the universe cannot help you
-- The universe knows nothing of you; nor does it want to.
There is joy in being
--Especially in being YOU
There is happiness in being
-- Your special others are a special happiness
There is serenity in being
-- Being YOU is a special reward
There is contentment in being
--You can't find it; it finds you.
(*ᴥ*)
.
rated with love