BuffyW

BuffyW
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OCTOBER 3, 2009 12:23PM

My TV Relationships have changed....

Rate: 32 Flag

 

TV Shaeup 

 

Since my husband died TV and I have had an uneasy relationship.  I have been trying to think why, and believe I may have the answers.

 

Okay, I’ll admit with the recent events in my life my concentration is less than in the past, but come on, even as an escape from my reality?  

 

I suppose many of you would admit you have favorite shows, that for some reason or another, speak to you or your funny bone or maybe even your intelligence.  I used to be that way...or rather we.  How odd to think of we in the past tense.  You know, it’s one of those things I guess we tend to take for granted, even when you had no idea that you were.  

 

So last night I thought, I’m going to settle in and watch “Entourage”.  I went into the kitchen to eat dinner (which is a whole other story).  Once I finished eating I made my next morning coffee to be set on the timer, slipped into bed and grabbed the remote control.  You have to remember I am a remote control newbie.  It took about five minutes to figure out how to get to the DVR, and our pre-programmed shows.  Good grief, they should have onscreen instructions, because my husband never saved the printed instructions.  He should have as many times as I remember he cursed the newer remote.  I now understand why!

 

Entourage” ...well I watched for maybe eight minutes and realized I wasn’t paying any attention.  That was one of our favorite shows...or was it?  TV played a large part of our life, partially because it was a passive thing my husband could do.  But was this something I would watch on my own?  Certainly not last night, and I wonder about in the future, do I DVR them or not?

 

Then tonight I turned on TV while eating my dinner and flipped from the news, which I had seen earlier, to find the new season of “Survivor” was on.  I couldn’t believe I was so clueless about the time of year, after all we had watched every season since the beginning of the series.  I continued to watch as I ate, when after about ten minutes I grew tired with it.  I think they had just been given bikinis.  I love a buff body as much as the next person, but it dawned on me I didn’t know these people, didn’t care about them, and they were just...mean.  How can I watch a TV show featuring mean or manipulative people for weeks upon weeks?  I can’t.

 

Again, why did I tune in and think I would enjoy it?  Because it is what WE did.  This has been repeated over and over in the past few weeks.  Now I fear there is nothing I can watch on TV.  

 

This may have been proven in a stunning moment when I began to watch “Parks and Recreation”, with Amy Pohler of “Saturday Night Live” fame.  As I watched I found myself thinking, this seems so familiar.  A few more minutes, and it dawned on me, this was an unabashed rip-off of another successful, quirky show I used to watch; The Office.  I turned off the TV in disgust.  

 

This is what is wrong with TV today, in my opinion.  First it began with the reality shows, one by one each channel began to add them, predictably they got more “sick” and meaner, all seemingly in an effort to grab audience ratings.  From “Real House” to “Bachelor”, to “Real Housewives of Anywhere”... they are all way too predictable.  I could understand “CSI Miami”, but does every big city need their own?    

 

Anyway just one of the myriad of things that have changed, one that kinda bugs me and definitely frees me up for other things.    Good thing I have music, cartooning...and crickets.  

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More of a slam than a bump :)
I hardly ever watch television anymore. There's a few shows I like, that I catch on Hulu. Otherwise, I listen to music or watch old movies. Errol Flynn and Audrey Hepburn are much better company than anyone who's ever been on a reality show.

Is it possible that you never really liked these shows, but you liked the time together, and so made the best of a variety of lesser evils?
Personally, I think your caroons rock! I'm starting to get addicted to them. I think you have another calling...among tthe multitude of other talents you have.

rated because you're my hero
ElvenDaydream--exactly right, guess I did make the suggestion right.
PlannerDan--Thanks my friend...I like doing them too!
Do the Crickets feature Buddy Holly? That wouldn't be so bad you know. But I hear and agree with all of your complaints about television.
I don't watch a lot of TV, but love House for some reason. He's an asshole, maybe thats it!!
Well good. If you're not going to watch TV, that gives you more time to write stuff for OS.

Seriously, I wonder how many people have ever thought about the "we" conundrum, when a shared activity loses its lustre because it becomes a solitary pursuit.

Rated for your usual common sense. And the cartoon.
I had given up on new sitcoms but I like "Modern Family." Check it out. I still think that the best sitcom on TV is Seinfeld reruns. Reality TV shows can all vanish, except I do like American Idol (guilty pleasure).
I haven't had TV for years, but watch some stuff on the computer. I've found that I don't have an attention span for most shows lately, but I thought it was just me. My private video indulgences? Dorky Brit dramas! Austen, Bronte, Dickens... I'm a sucker for a period drama with accents. My family just rolls their eyes. I like your cartoons muchly! Crickets are good too!
I watch far too much TV. The Office is one of my favorite shows (the American version--tried the other British version and didn't like it).
I am glad that you have other thing sto occupy your time while you "shift" your TV habits. Your cartoons are cute!
TV has become a wasteland of conformity. All it takes is for one show to be just a bit different, then if it catches on and gains an audience, ALL the other networks will jump in and copy it. Reality shows are the perfect examples of this.

I have found a mere handfull of shows that are deep enough to make you think, well written enough to hold your interest, and entertaining enough to make you look forward to their airing. I have found these shows, for the most part, on networks like USA, FX, and even TNT. Shows like Fringe, Deep Blue, Supernatual are all good examples of quality writing and acting.

For the most part though, I find TV very useful to just have on when I go to bed as it lulls me right to sleep. Better than taking the Meds! Cheaper too!

Rated.
I'm not much of a TV person either. I'd rather read a book.
I'll take music, cartooning and crickets over TV anytime. Well, except for sports.... : ) (R)
Yes. I know what you're saying in this. My hubby and I decided early on that we'd never agree on TV watching--so we chose to watch in different parts of the house. Therefore, when he died I didn't have to make THAT transition. But those others, oh, yes. Especially eating alone. And having no one to cook for but me. And having no one to talk to about the happenings of our everyday life. Even after 10 years, I often see something or read something and think, "Oh, I have to remember to tell W about this." And then the reality hits me again. Fortunately the grief has settled in to a kind of toothache when that happens, instead of a deep stab wound in the vicinity of my heart. You'll get through this--and maybe learn some things about the single you that you never knew before. Rated for your continued honesty and soul-searching. Thank you. D
I watch almost no TV but I do watch "Dancing With The Stars" religiously. It's probably the only so-called reality show that's not mean-spirited. Excellent dancing, interesting personalities; glitzy costumes...
We're in different time zones but still, if you watch DWTS on Monday I'll be with you in spirit...
Sounds like this is probably a good thing Buffy. It's a whole new chapter in your life. so why not make it a whole new chapter? Sounds like your holding up well. so glad!!
I watch some SciFi, TNT, USA but not much else. TV has pretty much lost must see programs for me. We watch movies thank you Net Flix. Although the old Iron Chef and Top Chef and for some reason I liked Ice Road Truckers.....don't know why. But most reality tv leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. I feel ya....
Sheila- How I DO relate. My late hub and I watched X-Files faithfully...never missed an episode...till he was gone...I tried...but Mulder was gone too and our SHARED viewing (critiquing/ speculation on future plot development) experience was over. Couldn't make myself go to subsequent X-Files moves either. But over 11 years, I have developed a limited viewing catalog of my own.

Network copy-cating and repetition isn't at all new... as I recall these series in related genres were introduced in close proximity, back in the day- WESTERNS: Bonanza, Wagon Train, The Big Valley, Paladin, Sugarfoot, Cheyene, The Rebel, Maverick, The Rifleman, Gunsmoke, etc. DOCTORS: Ben Casey, Dr. Kildare, Marcus Welby, M.D. VARIETY: Ed Sullivan, Hit Parade, Your Show of Shows, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Dinah Shore. SITCOMS: I Love Lucy, I Married Joan, Our Miss Brooks, Gayle Storm. Event Twilight Zone was quickly followed by The Outer Limits ...Once they get the formula...choices become highly limited. But at least the entertainment premises were once worthwhile...sigh.

Crickets sound far more enjoyable these days. Listen and hum along...XOXOX
-rated-
I understand complely. "We" have several shows that we watch together. They wouldn't be the same by myself.
You are so right about the amount of programmes that are, literally, the same. I don´t watch TV, and we don´t have preprogrammed channels (well, we don´t have as many channels as you must have over there...) . Sometimes I feel like watching something so I turn on the TV, press the Channel Up bottom and cover the sixty-some signals without finding anything that catches my attention... five minutes later I turn the TV off and turn on the laptop instead. And I come to Open Salon!
Crickets are a nice company, and your cartoons rock. Kisses!
Marcela
It's all no longer an escape - it's either a train wreck or tedious. You're not alone :)
Buffy, you were one person before you met Lance. When you were with him, the two of you became a different entity. Now that he's waiting for you Beyond, you must become yet another person again.

I tell you this, knowing that you know this. Forgive me.

I agree with our brother Torman and many of the others about contemporary television. There are only a few dramas I watch these days: "House, MD," "Criminal Minds," and that's about it. Reality shows? If I really need the distraction, occasionally "The Amazing Race," for the locations. I am, along with members of a tribe of aboriginals in Papua New Guinea, the last remaining human on the face of the globe who has not watched a single episode of "American Idol," not even the ones with Raleigh native Clay Aikens.

There are good shows on some of the higher channels on the cable dial, but my best advice when it comes to television is to learn and remember the location of the "OFF" button.

God bless you... you are in my prayers every night.
How about "nature" shows like the ones on Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel?

rated
I can relate - for different reasons, but I hear you. Most TV and movie "entertainment" feels pretty shallow, especially next to real life. You'll find your groove.
Buffy I hope you are saving your chronicles---because there is a spirit in your brave journey that touches EVERYONE.

On a more superficial level? I tried "Parks and Recreation" and it was just terrible. The "Office" on the other hand I love.

But on the nights when I'm really feeling battered? Nothing soothes like the familiar rhythms of REALLY old sitcom reruns. Take me back to Mayberry or New Rochelle with Laura Petrie. . . .and everything else drops away. . .
Hey, Buffy! I can completely understand what you're saying. I just got a TV for my new cottage life and have been very hard pressed to find anything I'm interested in watching. Right now I can watch Headline News and hear about a little boy getting into a washing machine or a gorilla having eye surgery or I can watch Princess Bride for the thousandth time. I think I'll try for 1001 times.
They say it gets better.
Hug
Writing this comment with the familir hysteria of football on television in the background. I know you empathise with that one and probably miss the familiarity.

I never get my mitts on the remotes, so have no idea how to tune into anything on TV. But given the choice, I'm sure I'd probably conclude, like you, there is little worth watching anyway.

Your cartoons, our love of music and sharing our news are far more valuable pursuits. I think. It's so difficult when life changes in such a dramatic way, but your writing is certainly top quality.

Love you.
the Daily Show/Colbert hour and Rachel Maddow are must-see tv for me, Mighty Boosh is a lot of fun if you have Toon Network, that about covers it as far as I'm concerned

but there's good stuff on DVD (try Firefly if you've never seen it), and the ocean and sky provide great free shows if you're in a position to see them
You are definitely in a difficult transition right now. I love TV, but can't watch a single reality show, because mean people suck. On PBS, Ken Burns has just launched a 12 hour mini-documentary about the National Parks. Fascinating stuff. Although they are in two hour segments, I usually DVR them and only watch 30-40 minutes of and episode at a time. The old photos are incredible. This might help, but then your focus may take a while to come around. You've been through quite a shock. Hugs. ;-)
I'm still trying to get a second date with my remote control. That's the thing with the rabbit ears, isn't it?
I watch TV. There, I said it. I hate reality shows. I like Law & Order in any form and House and Dexter and even Grey's Anatomy and I'm now hooked on Mad Men and I like a few more. My husband enjoys some of those and has his own list too. We sometimes, as he says, "parallel play" by watching our own shows in different rooms. TV has a place, it takes you away from yourself. As long as you don't use it for full time company, I say find something you enjoy occasionally, maybe a movie, and get out of your own head. Just, you know, my .02.
As Bruce Springsteen says, 500 channels and there's nothing on TV.
May I recommend a read...Mark Levin's "Liberty and Tyranny". You will be informed and sleepy.
Buffy -- isn't it scary that there's nothing really "new" and exciting on the tube? I spend Saturday evenings here, at OS. Much better things here than on CBS, NBC, Fox, etc.

So much for innovation!
Movies are what I watch mostly (apart from Mad Men! and the Sopranos), right now I am watching Dr. Zhivago because I can never not watch it if it's on. Julie Christie and Omar Sharif are surely one of the most romantic couples (and heartbreaking) in cinematic history. That melting desperation sort of love they had for each other, (sigh).

I cannot say that I have endured your particular sort of pain. Mine has been a life of consecutive (mostly) intimate relationships with men, but I have always remained an independent woman. Not for any great desire to be "independent" but this was just how things worked out. I have been a student of your writing since you came here and admire you for many reasons, the least of which is your writing skill and I mean that in the best possible way.

What I am trying to say is how much I admire your ability to move from one life experience to the next and the way you sucked the positive out of it to use in the next. Never dwelling on the possible negatives of what you had been doing, always moving forward, bright eyed and ready for the next great opportunity.

This is a grand quality to have, one that probably can't be taught, I think it's probably innate, but the philosophy behind it can be shared.

Now your greatest challenge is in front of you. It's multi-faceted, your grief and personal growth, your moving on as the living must always do, in the face of your husband's death, that's facet number one. And you've got your son to worry about, a world of trouble and pain.

Lots on your plate dear Sheila. You're a woman of undeniable and crazy strong strength. Flex your muscles, take your time, breath deeply and revel in the beautiful mature woman that you are, that your experiences have helped you to become, and the woman the man you loved for so very long was ever so proud of and deserving of his love.
I forgot to mention, your sketches are pretty damn artful.
.....and your computer for writing! You're a busy lady....good thing, right?
There are shows I like and will watch, but are just better with my Sweetheart. Entourage and Rescue Me come to mind. He guffaws loudly in his unenchanting laugh at the male humor, where I may smile or even grimace. But it's his vocal enjoyment that makes my day. I don't enjoy those two shows without him because HE is part of the experience.

That's not to say I know what you are experiencing. I watch plenty of shows on my own, as does he. Like everything else you are learning anew, you'll find your way.

And I agree, the cartoons are great!
Every year I watch less and less TV. Oh, I still have my favorites, but the list is getting smaller with each passing season. It seems just about everything airing these days is nothing more than a slightly better produced version of Jerry Springer.

Here's to you finding you don't need to figure out that remote, or if you do, may you find something worthy of your time and intelligence!
Buff, I'm a movie freak (that's a freak who loves movies). I have every movie channel known to man, plus approx 150 movies I own. I love movies; hate theaters. But I also watch certain regularly scheduled stuff, including CSI when William Petersen was on board ... not so much now.

But you mentioned CSI-Miami, which I occasionally watch, and continuously wonder why. I had to comment: I hate the color crap they do to it (tint it yellow to make everything look sunlit). I live in FL and love it, but it doesn't look like that ... unless you're really stoned. And I think David Caruso is way, way miss-cast, and unbelieveably over-rated. Have you ever noticed how often they shoot him with his hands on his hips, standing slightly sideways (you will now) ... and how they shoot him, camera up? All of that is to make him look taller ... no make that tall. He's about the size of my left leg; probably weights 120, wet. So when he talks tough, it's hard for me not to laugh ... that anybody would take him seriously. Now that's good acting ... not him; those around him for acting like they're impressed.

Anyway, watching TV is like water; it'll seek its own [new] level, and you'll find your tastes are maybe different than you thought. Or you'll get into movies like me, andf get lost in a fantacy that is 2 hrs long instead of having it fed to you in 30 minute to 1 hr increments. plus no commercial interruption. It "takes me away to where I'm going" without the expense of a sailboat. ;-0
I find it fascinating to watch who some is within a relationship and who they are when life changes and that relationship passes. Isn't it interesting how we morph ourselves to fit with someone we love and then begin to discover how different we actually are when we re making the choices solely. Dearest Buffy, within all the layers of grief and loss, may this be the beginning of an extraordinary opportunity to discover what really resonates and feeds you. This is your time. May you be awake and listen to all that tickles and nurtures. Loving you.
We get all our television from Netflix--Smallville, Third Rock from the Sun, Rome, and The Tudors. That way, it's still a "family event" rather than a daily bad habit. Our fam's into Smallville in a big way now.

I hope this writing is helping you deal with your grief. I like the way you're getting "out there" through your writing. When I went through my divorce, I made a call and went out with someone within a couple of weeks of the final decision. As far as dating went, I was comically inept, but getting out there helped me get over the hump. Hope the same happens to you with your writing.
A touching post. Thank you.

We are TV junkies in our home, but never watch reality TV. We DVR Fringe, Law and Order (both the original and CI - the SVU is just dumb), the new series the Good Wife, Boston Legal and of course, The Office.

Perhaps eventually you will find your own 'coziness' in watching TV -or not. I like the comment that 'then you can spend more time on Salon'. Your posts are terrific.
There is a lot of good stuff on, although none of it, in my opinion, is what you mentioned. Try catching up on Fringe, or turn into FlashFoward. House is good, Lie to Me is wonderful. Mad Men is exceptional. Find something new and different. Most TV is garbage but there is fun stuff on. Oh and for complete escape? The Food Network.