This is what Quigg said.
“It’s bullshit because when you look in the mirror each morning, you don’t see a Assistant Principal, and certainly not a Principal. You see a woman who used to be an undercover cop, and squad commander, who is now working at her second choice in life. You won’t ever see anything else, and pretending won’t make it happen.”
I swallowed that down, much like a pelican I once saw on Jekyll Island, who scooped a wayward mackerel that wandered too close to the sun bubbles at the surface. It was a difficult process and in the end there was no taste. Only acknowledgement.
I nodded though he couldn’t see me.
“So,” I queried, ‘does that mean I avoid mirrors?”
“No ass clown, it means you avoid making asshole decisions because you think it will make things better. It won’t make it better; it will only make it different. Change isn’t always better, no matter what political slogan wins the campaign”.
“You need to expand your prefixes. ‘Ass’ gets a bit repetitive.”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about repetition—how’d you like that change up--don’t ask if you don’t want a truthful answer.”
And that was why I asked. Quigg always broke it down, blunt and with a punch, but his humor usually made me laugh even if I had to hold an ice bag to my feelings.
“So I turn it down?”
“Yes. You don’t want it or you wouldn’t be asking. What do you get--- a longer drive, more headaches, more people to tell you what to do and when to do it, and for what, a few thousand more?”
“Well, I get a title…”
“What the fuck? A title. You want to be a knight or a Queen or what? I’ll give you a title—how ‘bout Supreme AssClown? Or her majesty Supreme AssClown?
“How about you shut the hell up? Can’t you ever be just a shade more sensitive to all of us mortals who still have to walk around water instead of across it.”
“Sensitive to what. You being caught in the net of ‘being needed’? Being the ‘right person for the job?’ That’s bullshit. Stop and check the thorns on the damn roses—they will prick your dumbass –I changed that up for you again, did you see how I did that?”
“I don’t know why I ask you anything, you don’t ever…”
“Yes, you do. You know I tell you true. And you know what I see when I look in the mirror. That’s why we understand each other and why we’re friends.”
I let the silence hold cadence for a moment and then nodded again to my phone.
“I still wish we had different mirrors sometimes. Maybe ones with beveled edges.”
“Wouldn’t change anything—any mirror would have the same image.”
“But,” I pulled in air, “It’s all just reflection, and that can be changed really.”
“Holy mother of assclowns! Don’t go all Oprah on me, and all ‘this I know is true!’ Tell those Pennsylvania jokers ‘No” and let’s move on to something more important like what kind of beer you are buying me for helping you not make a major screw-up in your life.”
“I guess I could go to the store and ask what they have under the ‘Ass’ label, but okay, I’ll tell them ‘no’’.
“Good. And when you drop off that 12-pack, I’ll make sure to bow and call you ‘your royal pain in the Hind-Ass.”
As I pressed 'End", I smiled out loud.