Brazen Princess

Loud and Unashamed
APRIL 14, 2012 7:09AM

Screenplay: How to become an EDITOR at Open Salon

Rate: 15 Flag

When Salon was founded by David Talbot and launched on November 20, 1995, no one forsaw the impact it would make on the world of e-mags.   It's "baby", Open Salon magazine covers a variety of topics, from reviews and articles about politics,music, books, and films. It also has articles about "modern life", including relationships, friendships and human sexual behavior.

This is a rare scene, a glimpse if you will, in the hiring process of the editing staff here at Open Salon.  The work is fictional.  Any resemblence to charecters are purely coincidental, and not intended to cause harm or shame or scandal.  

AN INTERVIEW FOR A NEW EDITOR AT SALON 

 

OUR interview Panel comprises of two men, one on his iphone, texting his teenage daughter and watching sports highlights at the same time; even though he is unimportant and will not talk, we will give him a name: Charles.  The chief Interviewer has a menial job among the editorial staff, an entry-level position that has continued to change since he arrived at Salon.  His identity makes no difference, so we will call him Fred.

 

FRED

What do you mean my identity makes no difference? 

 

The subject of the interview is a mousy, nervous ex-gaming champion who has dressed for success today: a golf shirt he has borrowed from his uncle and khaki slacks he has had since his graduation from Brown University.  We will call him Teddy.

 

TEDDY

Can you call me Ted?  No one calls me Teddy anymore.

 

We will call the subject of the interview Ted.

 

TED

Thanks.

 

FRED

Can we get started?

 

The interview begins on a rainy day in a non-descript office...

FRED

It doesn’t matter where we are.  Hello Ted, thank you for coming in today.

TED

Thank you for seeing me, sir.

FRED

Cut the sir crap, this is Salon, for heaven sakes

TED

Whatever

FRED

That’s more like it.   I can see by your resume that you have never been an editor before.

Have you ever worked for any magazine?

TED

I work for Salon

FRED

Making coffee, it says here.

TED

I’ve been promoted to the mail room.

FRED

Congratulations.

TED

I run the mail room.

FRED

Shit.  I didn’t even know we had a mail room.

CHARLES

It’s where the coffee machine is.

FRED

Nice of you to join us, chief.  You mean the old coffee machine? The one that has one pot for regular and one pot for decaf?

CHARLES

(Silence)

FRED

Anyway, Ted.  What makes you think you’d be right for editing Salon?

TED

I graduated magna cum laude from Brown and I love to read.

FRED

No shit?  And you haven’t yet edited anything, not even the Brown Gazette or anything?

TED

It’s called the Brown Daily Herald, sir, and no.  Never.

FRED

Can the “sir”

TED

I never worked for that rag.

FRED

Not a nice way to speak about your alma mater’s newspaper, is it?

TED

My ex-girlfriend was the editor, and she banned me from there.

FRED

Sorry to hear that

TED

Her and her girlfriend hated me.

FRED

Anyway, editing is a high pressure job.  It’s not just cutting and pasting, and reading

TED

I’m aware of that.  I deliver the mail to all of the editors and I see what they do.

FRED

So you HAVE had some experience.

TED

Yeah, well. 

FRED

You might have mentioned that. 

(Here he makes a pen notation on Ted’s resume, causing Ted to sit up a little straighter)

TED

I also am dating an editor right now.

FRED

Not at Salon?

TED

Hell no!

FRED

Because we have strict policies against that stuff. 

TED

I am well aware of that.

FRED

Ted, I gotta get going.  Is there anything else you want to add to this interview that will influence our decision?

TED

Is it up to you both if I get hired?

FRED

This is where the decision is made, in this room right here.

TED

I feel like I haven’t been able to tell you why I would be qualified to be an editor.

FRED

Alright, go (He looks at his watch) But please, keep it short.

TED

Alright.   I read a lot.  I mean, A LOT!  I read so much that my girlfriend tells me to put my phone down and stop reading.

FRED

Your phone?

TED

I have this memorized, so please don’t interrupt me.

FRED

Sorry.

TED

Anyway, I am also very political.  I know the parties and the minor parties and the candidates and I have friends at the Justice Department, in the mail room.  I can honestly say that if you want a new and fresh perspective on Salon, a cutting edge perspective, if you will, I am your man.  I have also been involved in several protest marches and would have been involved in more if I hadn’t applied myself so much to my studies. 

I also heard that mail room was closing.

My mother is sick and needs an operation. 

I think that’s it.

FRED

Alright, Ted.

TED

Do I have the job?

FRED

Well, to tell you the truth, no.  We look for sharper, more street-wise editors that have experience beating the online posts of other magazines to be running the Salon content.  BUT I’ll tell you wat I’m going to do: I’m going to make you an editor at Open Salon.

TED

Open Salon?

FRED

It’s kind of a farm team situation.  New, emerging writers that just write for the hell of it.

TED

I don’t get you

FRED

They write a buch of stuff.  I promise you, you’ll love it.

TED

I’m not so sure...

FRED

You choose the best everyday of what’s written and then you make a front cover.  Just like Salon, except no one gets paid.

TED

WHAT?

FRED

Don’t worry, you get paid.  They don’t, you do. 

TED

Sounds good. 

FRED

Kind of stress-free editing.

TED

Wow!

FRED

You’ll love it there, and guess what?  You can keep your office!

TED

The Mail room?

FRED
You won’t even have to move

TED

It’s going to be a deli, I heard. 

CHARLES

He can share offices with me, I’m never there.

FRED

There you go, Ted.  See?  All worked out.

TED

(Rises to leave, and offers to shake hands)

What about the “choosing the best everyday of what’s written and making a front cover?”

 

FRED

Aw, hell.  That’s the easy part.  You break people’s hearts, but it’s a cinch. 

(Shakes hands with Ted)

TED

Okay!  Thanks. 

 

And so Ted moved from the mail room at big Salon and went over to share offices with Charles, who was never there anyway.  The scene for the next story?

Who knows!  Ted is ready to begin a career in editing and breaking people’s hearts.  But hell, that’s the easy part.  As Fred says, It’s a cinch.  

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Pretty much what I suspected. Funny and wise screenplay you've written, BP. Indeed a delightful little purge.
This was clever and funny and probably pretty accurate!
I'm appalled! So why am I laffing?
Very cute, BP. Why not add, the posts on the front cover doesn't necessarily have to be good, just sensational or have the word "Sex" in it?
But ya have to admit, it's a step up from a chimp throwing darts. Sometimes it works well, but never completely. You can tell there's far less effort involved than there used to be. Consequentially, it seems fewer readers than there used to be.
Love those old adages:

Lost man asks gas station attendant:
"How do I get to Portland?"
Answer....."'can't get theya from heeya."

Writer want to know how to get on the FP
Editor answers: You can't get there from heeya.

Aahh, the mysteries of life.
There is a specific format for dialogue in screenplays created so that each page represents one minute of finish film... your post is not compliant to that format. You haven't registered your submission with the Writer's Guild. There is also a typo: "They write a buch of stuff..." My poorly paid script readers have no time to waste, so after scanning the first page your submission is "REJECTED."

Since you neglected to include a self addressed postage paid envelope, your submission will be shredded and no one will notify you about anything!
The only thing I asked about is to edit a poetry column for OS or Salon. No response to my query, as I expected. When people don't respond I lose my respect for them. Need I say more?
Well, that clears things up a lot. I liked the meta-fiction part in which you have the characters talk back to the narrator.
Ed I Tor still hangs out in the mail room!! They decided to keep it as a mail room. No deli. :( :D

Rated!
Too funny. Are you writing a screenplay? You have a good ear! :)
What a story. Clever and amusing.
Fernsy~ hmmm...my disclaimer does tell how much this tongue-in-cheek, right...?

Miguela! Thanks, pal.

Chicken Maan~ glad I made you laugh.

Erica~ SHOOT! I knew I lef something out.

Paul~ I haven't been around long enough to know, but I appreciate the perspective. THANKS!!

Ande~ For sure, you can't get there from here!

jmac~ DAMN! just my luck....

Patrick~ We can always ask...the ball is in their court!

Trudge~ Thank you!! So glad you liked it...

Don~ You should do a one-word post with the same title!

Tink~ Isn't it funny?? I heard the same thing about the mail room!

Deborah~ My first screenplay, and probably my last (!)

Mary~ Thanks, so much!!
Please don't shake the cage BP! I heard there won't be anymore EP's - they're gonna have "Best Of The Day", "Worst Of The Day" & "You Call Yourself A Writer"? R
I just KNEW it!!!!! This is what you call vigorous vetting. :D

Lezlie
Well at least we know big Salon isn't going hungry. I bet they even have vegan meal choices at that deli.
Funny write-up but I have plenty of sympathy for the OS editors. I'm sure if any of us tried it a spell we'd hate the complaints. And if it were me, I'd surely deserve them.
OMG....

.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★
Marilyn~ HA!! Great line!! I was hoping you'd find this...

L~ Vigorous....:))

Barbara~ Even vegans need to eat...

Abrawang~ All in good fun...

Algis~ :) xoxox Stunning photos of Ephesus