Shouts And Mallomars
bonnie bernstein
- Location
- New York, New York,
- Birthday
- November 02
- Title
- Starving Writer
- Bio
- Quirky, Edgy Authoress, Phanatically Baseball Lite. Writing the great American smutty novel. Bonnie's words can be found in places like YourTango, Modern Love Rejects, Salon, Petside, Babble, Perils of Divorced Pauline, Newsday and NYResident. Lisa Belkin wrote about Bonnie in Motherlode and Anderson Cooper interviewed her. Follow Bonnie on Twitter: bonnieb_writer
MY RECENT POSTS
- I Sold Bullets For Walmart
December 22, 2012 07:01PM - I am a liberal Democrat. I am
voting for Mitt Romney.
October 10, 2012 09:06PM - Eating Ice Cream On 9/11
September 10, 2012 10:23PM - President Obama and My Fantasy
Love Life
July 31, 2012 07:13PM - Remembering The 1972 Olympics
July 27, 2012 11:27AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “oh those drakes yodels
that many have tried to copy
and that
i have trouble
posti…”
April 15, 2012 09:31PM - “just reread all your
comments and am blown away by
the amount
of people who ve
re…”
April 15, 2012 08:34PM - “I first ''met'' Demi
when she was on General
Hospital.
Rooting for her to
remake…”
January 31, 2012 04:08PM - “people keep saying oh it
s so easy to get food stamps
--
anyone can get them --
w…”
December 08, 2011 05:58PM - “i knew it -- congrats on
editors pick -- i love this
piece --
thanks for
writing…”
September 27, 2011 08:58AM
Bonnie bernstein's Links
I Sold Bullets For Walmart
I sold ammo for Walmart, all along thinking “Bonnie, it’s just a paycheck.” I’m such a pathetic liar. But I needed that piece of paper to survive past due to paster due. As a forty something divorced mother with a college education and a thin res… Read full post »
I am a liberal Democrat. I am voting for Mitt Romney.
I am a liberal Democrat. ProChoice. ProMarriageEquality. Against the death penalty, nuclear power plants and fracking. I am voting for Mitt Romney. There. I just admitted what I’ve been grappling with for over four years. How a New York City Jewish moth… Read full post »
Eating Ice Cream On 9/11
The World Trade Center was burning and I was eating ice cream, the chocolate kind with a cherry on top. I couldn’t watch CNN report an airplane splitting a building in half and people jumping out windows from towering infernos to their deaths, so I took the dog out for a… Read full post »
President Obama and My Fantasy Love Life
http://www.yourtango.com/2012157925/president-obama-and-my-fantasy-sex-life
Which man, with salt and pepper hair, is the one for this writer?
Whenever President Obama comes to New York City, mylove life becomes more of what it usually is, a fantasy. I guess it's really not a part of his ag… Read full post »
Remembering The 1972 Olympics
This Bonnie Bernstein Is On Blogger Space
I Was Nine When I Had A Gynecology Exam For The First Time
When you got your period did your mother throw you a party?
When your daughter got her period did you throw her a party?
When I got my period, my mother took me to the gynecologist -- when I was not quite yet nine...
It Happened To Me -- At A Junior High School Reunion
***Originally Posted As To Be Licked Or Not To Be Licked -- This Is My SEO Experiment***
It happened to me, at a junior high school reunion. Pauly mentioned “when pretty women meet me they always move away.” I guess I, a divorced forty something woman forever lookin… Read full post »
I never understood why when I was growing up we didn’t hang Christmas lights outside our home. It wasn’t like we were the only Jews not doing it. There were plenty of us. When I was six years old, my mother married a Lutheran man who was the superintendent of a… Read full post »
The Vegetarian and the Deer Hunters, orginally, appeared on ModernLoveRejects.com. Hunting season will be starting soon up in these areas. I, a vegetarian, forgot "Trucks" had steak and ketchup breath when we kissed. How could I answer to Bambi? What would you have done?
Chocoholic update: This writer wins the stupid award for driving through downed trees she never saw during nature's horror show to get some chocolate.
The Washington Post recently proclaimed, “Chocolate protects the heart.” It read, as I always hoped it would, t… Read full post »
Choosing To Be Alone, But Not Liking The Loneliness
The swans, geese and ducks were squawking over by the pond. As the hawks were yelling about how they wanted my 15 year old wheaten terrier, Milo, to come on over for breakfast, I walked outside with my three other dogs, the chihuahua, the beagle, the llasa cocker mix and a/… Read full post »
I drove 30 minutes to the county’s only social services office in my twenty year old Chevy that got seven miles per gallon. I nicknamed the car my “Mercedes,” feeling so down on myself that that would be the closest I would ever come to having my Benz. The Caprice was… Read full post »
A Raunchy Hudson Valley Bar Scene
Fiction
Originally titled -- She Wanted A William And Kate Ever After
Kara, the divorced Jewish city girl in her forties, with the flaming red, curly long hair and chocolate colored eyes, arrives at the Hudson Valley pub. Johnny Cash croons over the jukebox. T/… Read full post »
I retched over the toilet and heaved a whole bunch of nothing. I slumped to the bathroom floor and watched a roach run by. As I pulled myself up, the nausea returned. I opened the window and looked out from my fourth floor tenement apartment onto Ludlow Street, heart/… Read full post »
People friend me on Facebook because they think I am the Bonnie Bernstein from ESPN. They see my name and immediately believe I am the one who announces football games, analyzes a play and interviews the quarterback. A fan recently fawned over me saying, “Nice job on WPIX this morning, great… Read full post »
Time Served At Walmart -- Paroled After An Injury And Enforced Malnutrition
Of Course I'll Go -- A Story Of Devastating Loss
Pauly mentioned “when pretty women meet me they always move away.” I guess I, a divorced forty something woman forever looking down on myself, appeared awfully appealing to him in that dark restaurant. And, coincidentally, I was moving the next day. Pauly loved my boots.… Read full post »
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