Passing through the world is the basis of all lives lived. We travel our own paths as we go. We cross the paths of others as well as our own. As I begin to explore the details of my life I find that I often am found wanting. I am alone so there is no way for me to know if it is a peculiarity of my own or if it is the general condition of humanity in general.
I walk the streets alone at night, in silence and dark. I pass the roads not taken and gaze into the blackness and wonder, what lies at the end? What could I encounter as I pass along that hidden way? Would I find a wondrous place full of things to see and experience? Would I find only more of the pitch black night that I find myself hiding behind more and more each day? Would there be a friend, a fellow traveler to join with me and ease the pain of being so alone in a crowded world?
I think perhaps that alone is the way of the universe. Alone is the way of all things sentient. Passing from one reality to another that we can't know or understand. Pain too, is the way of the universe. We feel it when we are happy and when we are sad. We experience life as pain sometimes life affirming and often as a crippling experience that hobbles our interactions not just with others but ourselves.
I can gaze at the stars and be awestruck, knowing that the light I see is not there, it is just a shadow from the past yet it confirms a sense of eternity in the fact that it will travel on as it is for infinity. Infinity is a concept that exceeds our existence, we are finite beings, not wondering if life will end, only when that end will come.
All life ends. When it wants and we may not change that. My life will end as will yours and every other life. I do not fear death, I only wish that it were predictable. That I could know that time was short and take care of those things that I want to assure a better world for. That I could give some comfort to the few who will notice my passing in the mass of billions of other people that are so much more important than I am.
We fight death every day, either consciously or unconsciously. We struggle to remain a vital part of the world we live in and still we can know with great certainty that it will all survive long past ourselves. The struggle makes us tired too. We get tired of facing another day when there seems to be no hope for us at all. We lie to ourselves, we lie to make us forget that we cannot win the game only play as long as we are able and our exit will be a shock to us even when we are aware of its approach.
I just wish it would end before I have to face the reality of my total failure as a human being.