Dowell, Illinois, US
July 15
born in Illinois. 5 year Navy veteran. Married for 26 years (not counting the first five when we just cohabited. 4 kids, 6 grandkids, 3 brothers 2 living, 2 sisters 1 living, a mother living, a father not living. 1 dog a labradoodle, and a current cat population of 2/6 (If you count feral kittens ) I've done a lot of jobs in my life, from shill at a carnival burlesque show to making medium caliber ammunition. I built inkjet printers, embedded computer boards, restored and repaired both cars, motorcycles and electronics. I read, write, and do arithmetic (albeit poorly) My wife claims that I have more useless knowledge than anyone on earth and resultingly no one will play trivial pursuit with me anymore. I do play pinohcle but due to my inability to cheat I don't win very often. Recently disabled I turned to Open Salon to re-engage my writing bug. Update add one cocker spaniel to the list and maybe just shoot me.


Bobbot's Links
APRIL 29, 2012 1:18PM


Rate: 12 Flag

So many place and things left unseen or un done.  It is really a little sad.  We speak to others in our cloaks of deception and we hope that we are loved yet who can love someone that they do not know?

I just can't seem to keep it together anymore.  I've spent the last four years pulling last minute saves out of my ass, by hook or by crook or by any means I can find and you know what?  No one even gives me credit for it.  All I hear about are my inadequacies.  

I know that I am a failure okay, I don't need anymore reinforcement.  I tried to hold myself to some standards but it makes no difference at all.  Nothing changes and the world rolls merrily along grinding those who are unfortunate enough to be on the bottom into dust.  Dust that will blow away on the wind and be forgotten.  As though they never exisited, never mattered, or were just another nameless, faceless burden on society.


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You are far from a failure, Boomer. I am nearly destitute in a radioactive dessert, but I fear death not.

There is much to be said for someone like Yourself, who understands concepts of morality and principles.

We all MUST die, but to die having not compromised to the hideous nature of what society has become is a noble way to go.

You are nowhere near a failure, you have family and friends who love you. Sometimes that just has to be enough...Never give up as none of us know what is right around the corner.
Blessings and love...some days are like this. Even in Australia....
Dust to dust and all that. Dust. I am dust too and just reading your words is important to me. Dust isn't so bad. Fly with the wind. Who cares what people say....I do and ....I don't. I like how you write. thanks.
" No one even gives me credit for it. Al I hear about are my inadequacies."

You need a new group to hang out with. You know how good you are and what you are capable of. Find people who appreciate you. Anything else is toxic.
But...tomorrow brings a NEW day.
So...what are you going to do with it is the real question.
No advice or wisdom here---cause I don't know any. But what I do know is that when you write something titled "Endings" I pay attention.

Hang in there pal.
Look at and admire the thigs you've done and places you've seen, Bobbot. We only got to read about them, but we almost lived your experiences through the strength of your pen. You know nothing stays the same, we keep evolving- if it is the way, we'll seek the answers in the dust, or the wind, my Friend.

You bought into the idea that you are SUPPOSED TO BE "important" to other people, to your employers or customers, to your country, and to the planet, didn't ya?!

Maybe you fed your ego on the silly religious idea that you "have a mission" to fulfill while you live; or that some "god" "loves you", blah, blah, blah!

Give yourself a shake, man!

The ONLY "purpose" you can EVER have is that which you create for yourself. Do you want to be loved by others? Then love others (not my personal thing, but.....).

Do you want the respect of others? Then give others the same respect. (I like this better).

What's with the, "I'm a failure", shit? Do you think that you can judge yourself by the few things you've NOT done?!!! Sit your fat ass down and write up a list of all the things you HAVE done in your life!!

List too all the hugs you've given a child who needed a hug just at that moment. List too all the words of encouragement you've given a friend when they needed such a word. Hey, list even the times when you've just held a door open for someone whose hands were full.

I'll bet your list could use up a LOT of space!

So........ They're not gonna build some huge monument to your "Greatness".....!! Big Fuckin' Deal....... Is "Greatness" (in the eyes of jerks) all THAT important to you? What about just having the good feeling of knowing that you are a decent person who did his best to live decently among his fellows? What about the contentment of knowing that you did as little harm to others during your life as you could manage? That you set a good example?

Let the idiots go out an look for someone to build monuments of concrete to - they'll surely find the perfect people for that - people of concrete.

Your monument is a hug from someone who likes you. A cheerful "Hi" from someone who knows you. Maybe even just a wee tear as you watch a beautiful sunset.

You want more or you're gonna off yerself?

Go for it, ya putz! Take this with ya.........

~~~~~ "**HUUUUGGGGGGG!!**" ~~~~~

I just reread your bio and I've been reading your posts since I've been here. You've got a lot to be proud of.
Bob, I think most of us go thru down times like you describe here. Maybe not as frequently as you and maybe not as bravely. You acknowledge and face them, which helps you heal faster than those of us who deny and try to pretend everything is OK. As for dust. Yeah, we're all headed for the dustbin. Some sooner than others, but ultimately we all get blown away. Meanwhile, I look forward to seeing a new post from you in the feed, and would miss you if you left.
Let me state for the record, I have no intention of harming myself. I am a failure though. For what ever reason I cannot finish anything. I was referring strictly to this blog. I rarely write anything worth reading these days and I seem to be falling into a pattern of depression again. I will decide what I will do soon.
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