bob skye

I have only nine lives

bob skye

bob skye
Location
Hoboken, New Jersey, US
Birthday
October 18
Title
His Satanic Majesty
Company
No
Bio
Retired factory worker, school bus driver, truck driver, taxi driver, carpenter, maker of cabinets, editor, freelance photographer, writer, traveler and general boulevardier. Writing fiction, memoir and traveling now. Does anyone ever read these things? Really? If you have, IM me.

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FEBRUARY 13, 2012 5:08PM

Cancer Chronicle: Normal?

Rate: 11 Flag

I am going for another Lupron injection on February second, which will last me through another ninety days. So I’m looking at my twentieth injection. It’s inevitable that the side effects following the injections  are powerful and set me back a few days, but it's ironic that they return as each cycle draws to an end. Then the whole process begins anew.  

As I approach the two year mark there is a possibility that the treatments will end by November. I am looking forward to the possibility of leading a normal life again. But after the hell of the procedure and the dizzying emotional drain during the following weeks—no, months –I learned another way of life.

Normal? You mean what, the way my life had been before the biopsies and sonograms, before the bone density tests and the full body scans? I have been emasculated and prodded and poked too many times to even imagine what ‘normal’ was like.  Anyone who has paid any attention to these chronicles has seen my pain and heard my anger and fear. I know who you are, and I want you to know how your support has lifted me when I was angry or morose. Your comments were a huge part of my cure. I know that I’ve struck chords in you as well, because cancer touches everyone in some way.  

Buthe unbridled truth is that I don’t know what ‘normal’ is anymore. What part of who I had been will return, and what may not. And how will I even recognize normal when I see it? I’d be a fool to believe that I will be ‘myself ‘again. That I will be whole.  

I’ll take some time to ponder what ‘normal’ might be now, and examine who I have become. Have I changed? Who knows. For the time being I will relax in my sweatpants and faded denim shirt, and watch every Indie  movie on my Roku. I’ll continue to live on my own schedule, munch on Baked Lays and Diet Coke. and joke with the caretaker Medicaid sends here three times a week.  But normal?  It’s like waiting for my old desktop to load. 

But as I near what might be the end of my treatment, I realize that my anger is depleted and my fear is gone.

 Acceptance has helped with that job.

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Sorry about the the screw up with the mail.
I think the older we get, the less we know what normal is anymore. I wish you the best as you near to the end of your treatments.
R♥
Another cancer survivor here. Surviving day at a time. Here's to the best of normal.
This is such an interesting conflict. But you will adapt, I know you will. Congratulations on all you've endured. You're a strong person, and I think what you've written about your experiences has brought and will continue to bring a sense of commiseration, solidarity, and hope, to many people out there. Continued luck and health.
You have touched the heart of living in the moment, acceptance is one of the best helpers and fear is one of the best guests to leave.
Your light at the end of the tunnel attitude is our gift. Thank you.
rated with love
Hell one person's definition of normal may not be another's definition!!!

As been stated, here's to something that may resemble more 'healthy and less procedures' than normal ever will be!!!

Rated!
I've known several cancer survivors, some of whom just want to put life back the way it was before. I understand that. Others speak of a "new normal," and that resonates with me. My new normal includes check-ups and blood draws and scans, the fear before an appointment, being able to drink barium without being scared, and seeing life as even more precious. I'm glad you're writing--I think it's good for us as cancer patients and good for readers.
I took a small seminar with David Morehouse, the pioneer of 'remote viewing' during which he claimed that normal is whatever we are the moment.
Bob, it has been a while since I was last here. I'm glad to hear you have improved, and are hopefully, on the final road to recovery.
Your posts have helped not only you, but a lot of us here at OS.
Thanks
R
A long struggle with a helluva adversary who ends up just saying to you one day, "Adios." There is a sense of anticlimax, a grateful, grateful anticlimax. The feeling of being invaded, poked and prodded, never goes away though. It just fades. I've known some people who had dreams about some of the tests years later, but it gets folded into other things, other experiences. Here's to those, and the future.

R.
Straight talk, bittersweet and full of hope and acceptance. I would knock off the chemicals and sugar (Diet anything is bad) and cancer cells multiply like uninvited guests to a frat party where sugar in any form is present. So, you see, even someone else's wife can be a big nag where your health and well being are concerned. Just what the doctor ordered: An online budinsky! Be well and eat healthy!
Straight talk, bittersweet and full of hope and acceptance. I would knock off the chemicals and sugar (Diet anything is bad) and cancer cells multiply like uninvited guests to a frat party where sugar in any form is present. So, you see, even someone else's wife can be a big nag where your health and well being are concerned. Just what the doctor ordered: An online budinsky! Be well and eat healthy!
As you say, you've learned another form of life. A scare with my kidney a few years back taught me to appreciate things more. Can't imagine how transformed you must feel. Here's to not so much getting back to normal as to folding in everything we've picked up along the way. Minus the useless bits that just scare the crap out of us!

Rated
Just returned from radiation oncologist, who said that since my psa is insignificant (0.01.) I am still cancer free. But he also credited this to the medications that are ruining my quality of life. Urologist make the call to continue them next week.
Or I can also 'just say no.'
Cathy, great advice, actually. But I have not been to a frat party in 45 years.
Βοb,nice meeting you here.I admire your strength and what I wish for you..should go without saying.I wish you health and joy..I know about health ρroβlems and I know that is a battle even with yourself..Mostly with your self.I am in a battle with myself too and ..you know what..I am gonna beat me..Really nice meeting you,Best regards and all your best..!!