Fish Food

JANUARY 13, 2012 2:20PM

Five Things I Don't Say to High School Girls

Rate: 32 Flag


 As a substitute teacher, I often find myself back in high school. Depending on my mood, I may be blissfully nostalgic, transported back to my increasingly distant youth. Other times I'm thanking the gods I've grown a few brain cells since then. As I observe high school girls in all their ignorant glory, oh how I itch to pull them aside and set them straight. Then I remember that no one could have told me anything in those days. Besides, I'd probably get sued by their parents for substitute abuse or something.

The things I don't dare say...

1. Honey, you may not under any circumstances wear tights as pants. I don't care how opaque they are, they are not leggings. If I can see the crotch seams, they should be considered underwear and paired with an additional garment.
2. I've seen you making out in the back parking lot with your boyfriend, and although it should look bad for both of you, it's always the girl who comes out looking like a skank. Your fella, well he just gets extra cool points. Mind you, I'm not judging, but trust me. If you're going to engage in skanky behavior, better to do so in private.
    3. I know UGGs are super cool and everyone wears them all the time but ladies, UGGs should not be worn with just anything. When I see you in the halls with a skirt and top ensemble in a color scheme at odds with your bright pink UGGs, I think...comfy cozy is not the only consideration. Also, if you happen to be short with heavy legs, UGGs are not for you at all.  (By the way, I would urge my readers to buy stock in the UGG company since they cost a small fortune and every other middle and high-school student owns a pair.)
4. Darlings, I know you feel the need to be sexy even at your tender age. I remember and I get it, but please know, you should not be wearing micro-minis and stiletto heels to school. You look ridiculous tipping around campus in shoes that are obviously uncomfortable and entirely inappropriate. And as for the dresses/skirts. If you have to tug at it every time you rise from your desk so as not to give your classmates an eyeful of your behind, it's too short. You are naturally lovely in your youth and therefore a work of art in jeans and a t-shirt. If you want to be noticed, impress with your good grades.
5. Girls, I beg of you, don't flirt with your teachers. Often in team
teaching situations with an attractive, youngish male teacher, I've observed you invading his space; flipping your hair in his direction and/or propping your legs up on a desk hoping he might get an "accidental" glimpse of your underage nether region. Yes, you can safely assume this behavior makes him uncomfortable. When you do this, you are disrespectful and just plain silly.

So good to get that out. Good luck and be well.






Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
I'm not a teacher and I don't often interact with females of high school age. Just the same it makes me so happy to her someone else express my thoughts about these issues. I'm 53. I'm old, I know. but geez louise, have things changed that much? If they did, they shouldn't have.
I feel your pain.

I would add, for the Uggs, that not all body types look good in them. If you're short, squat, and above a size 4, chances are Uggs are not the most flattering thing you could put on your feet and cover your ankles with. I wish more girls knew this.
Ha! I'm with you 100% on #1. "Where are your pants?"
I had the biggest crush on my high school English teacher. I don't think I actually *flirted* but I did hang around his room an awful lot after school. He was so far superior to those high school boys... ~r
Wonderful! Good points and I like how you wrote this, as well.
Maybe you could just post them anonymously (but prominently) in all the girls' restrooms. You'd be doing them a favor.
desert_rat--Yes things have changed that much. I only hope these girls are changing in the bathroom at school. I'd hate to think their parents let them leave the house dressed the way they do.

Alysa, I hope you don't mind, but I added your comment about the the heavier girls wearing Uggs. I didn't think to mention it initially, but I have often thought the same thing. They just don't work for everyone.

Joanie--So it's not just me, you've witnessed the tights as pants phenomenon. Unbelievable. I too had crushes on teacher, but I mostly kept it to extra smile perhaps, a little lingering after class, but you would not believe the audacity of girls these days.

keri h--thanks for stopping by

jsathre--Great idea. I may have to consider doing just that. You have no idea how I itch to break the truth to these clueless girls.
uggs. I hate them.. on anything..
There are girls doing the last one? Holy crap.. We just had a teacher in Livermore arrested for giving one of her 13 yr old students the 360 in her car in the parking lot.
what goes on now??
I've been hired as a sub but haven't answered any calls yet. Any day now I will, and I thank you for this heads up. ;-D
I hate UGGS. Of course, we live in Arizona, and the only time it is ever appropriate is during dog sledding, which would have to be in Snow Top or Flagstaff- not Scottsdale while otherwise wearing a mini shirt dress with nude "tights". I saw a young woman wearing gold sparkly uggs the other day that otherwise comprised more fabric than the rest of her outfit. Sigh, thank god we all lived through high school to realize what skanks we probably looked like too.
Linda--Yes, girls are behaving in ways that would shock you.

Chicken Maaaan--I don't want to scare you off. It's not like skankiness is running rampant. I've just cited some examples from my own experience. Things may be quieter in your community anyway. Also, there's always elementary school, which I don't happen to prefer because the kids are so needy and you have to take them out to recess, but the environment is much tamer. Once you get the hang of subbing, it can be quite interesting, sometimes boring, but always a reliable paycheck.
OK, you talked me into it. I'm applying for a subsitute teacher gig. First thing on chalkboard: "Ask me about what you can do for extra credit".
"You are naturally lovely in your youth and therefore a work of art in jeans and a t-shirt."

I wish they could know this and really believe it. I wish I could have known it and really believed it at the time!
Harry's Ghost--I should have known little slice of the modern high school scene might not sound so bad to some :)

Jeanette--Yes indeed. One of the reasons I try not to judge them too harshly...I'm sure I was no prize myself. I wasn't so much the skanky type, being the late bloomer that I was, but I was plenty dumb in countless other ways.
Say no to crotch seams. Uggs earn their name. This was delighful, BB. Teens are often awful. Just don't get sued for substitute abuse!
BB - I am so happy that you agree with me about the Uggs! As a short, curvy girl who was even curvier in high school, I am appalled by what a disservice girls like me do themselves wearing Uggs. They could look so, so much better!
Great post! Love it.

Well hell, if the pic is any indication of today's standards of students in our education system, where do I sign up to sub?

I kid!! I kid!! :D
From one teacher to another - YOU NAILED! The things that we see and can not say anything about is amazing. I have a small sign behind my desk that reads "Pound head here for stress relief" - I use it often when confronted with anyone of these issues or others.

Well done & well rated! Cheers!
ndrezteacher--Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. It means much to have a real teacher confirm my observations. As a sub, I have also observed first -hand that teachers rock! You guys work hard and put up with a lot of bullshit. True heroes you are.
Oh, Lordy, Lordy. This is far from new stuff, babe. Centuries ago when I was first married, my husband was a high school teacher. He was rather good looking and 6'4." He was propositioned each and every day, and those were the ones he told me about. Girls would do all kinds of unsavory things. Then my son, tried subbing in middle school. By this time middle school had become a cauldron of bubbling hormones; he couldn't take it.

Wow Lezlie, I can just imagine the problems Steve must have had, but I'm surprised this behavior goes back so far. Perhaps I didn't notice or I forgot, but I don't remember girls being quite so...brazen back in the 80's when I was coming up. I gues everything looks different from an adult point of view.
"You are naturally lovely in your youth and therefore a work of art in jeans and a t-shirt. If you want to be noticed, impress with your good grades."
oh yeah I must say when I was that age, that was always a big impression on me.. NOT... HAHAHA
ps LUV the helpful illustration there.... what were we talking about again?!? :p
the caption on that photo should be Barely Legal. Or Maybe Not. where the heck did you find that anyway? a porn site? haha :p geez
I just wish I was young again. But, we had the young hippie girls who looked so wholesome and beautiful. Stiletto's on a Hippy chick, hah!
UGGs shouldn't just not be worn with just anything. They shouldn't just be worn with anything. They forgot the LY when naming those atrocious pieces of feces.

#1 on my list of what not to say to school girls is - hey, baby...can I get them digits or what?

It's a rule that has served me well throughout life.
The UGG movement started right here on OS with Mary Lin.
This is such a difficult situation yet your ideas here stand up and have merit.
God I'm glad I'm not in high school anymore. As my 50th reunion approaches, I have mixed feelings about going.....the "popular kids"are running the event. Some things never change. Nice piece and rated.

I'd add a slap upside the head for good measure.

happy new year babe!
I don't get this khardashianification - what's wrong with spitballs, reefers and comic books.
Five reasons they behave like that:

1. They learn 'manner' from each other - a case of blind leading the blind.

2. They have no sense of decorum - what do you expect from people who addres everyone "you guys" ?

3. Teachers are reluctant to say anything to tell them anything for fear of being accused of "harassment".

4. Lack of social behaviour lessons in schools.

5. Lack of a student uniform which apparently goes against "personal freedom and choice", because the poor darlings can express their individuality only by following the slutty celebrity models on TV and media.

Ugh to Uggs and wearing tights as pants. I've seen similar stuff where I teach, although this being Canada most of us tend to wear a few more layers of clothes. Good points about girls coming to school as though they've just left a nightclub -- it's uncomfortable for everyone.
I teach college and would like to report that coeds have gained since but they really haven't. Father Dave (The President of Regis said in 1987 when the first wave of tights as pants went through, "I don''t care if they come to class naked. They have to grow up sooner or later."

At twenty one, they are still not completely baked. I get the feeling we were more mature than they at the same age and I am sure my parents were more mature than I at their age.

I often wonder how long society is going to keep infantalizing teenagers who in an earlier age would probably have been married and either nursing a child or working to pay for one,
interesting... ah the mammaries.. I mean.. whatever :)
All of the above reasons reinforce my decision to stay in the elementary school world.
vzn--I failed to cite the photograph as this was just a quick vent during a high school sub job. As my class sat quietly doing a geometry review, a young lady popped up and tugged at her too-short skirt and I was compelled to write. What was I saying? Oh, yes I found the photo under "high school girl images" on Google.

Scanner--too bad these girls don't know how much sexier they look in a more natural state. Anyone wearing stilettos, and not on the red carpet, looks as though they're trying just a little to hard.

Malcolm--LoL! Thanks for reading.

Larry--Yes, I remember Mary's UGG ads. I wonder how she's doing these days...not!!

Foolish Monkey--Happy New Year to you too and thanks for stopping by. Too bad "a slap upside the head" is so out of fashion these days. Sometimes that's just what a body needs.

Damon--I love your term "Khardashianification" apt here.
Such words of wisdom!! I found that when I subbed for high school I was a real bitch, mainly because I was so dissatisfied with their choices!! Maybe we can learn to love them ...?