Black Boots' Blog

I am very jealous but I fight it with my sense of humor

Black Boots

Black Boots
Birthday
August 30
Title
Lover of bellies
Bio
I have lost my lover who loved my boots. The psychic crossing guard, who spits and bangs on cars, warned me that he was selfish. I came to suspect that he was secretly funneling anonymous money to the Tea Party. He also hated museums. For now, I seem to attract adventures as a suburban housewife.Only you can determine which is fiction.

MY RECENT POSTS

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Salon.com
MARCH 18, 2014 2:57PM

Boot's Malaise

Boots had left her husband to live with Michael in his crowded railroad style one bedroom apartment in a four story walk-up. Each morning, she lay in bed trying to plan her day but was overcome with an overwhelming despondency. It was just too confusing to start. Michael was a hoarderRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 19, 2012 10:27PM

Boots Reflects on Politics

Micheal I can’t stop thinking about you. When will we next have lunch? I got worried that you may have been at Marc Leder’s house for that Romney fundraiser. I have been thinking a lot about politics and I think that it is wrong that you have been giving to the… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 2:45PM

When I Walk Away

There is exquisite pain in leaving you.  Of course I am not even leaving anything real. It is all play acting and you allow me the play. You are like a wall…a mildly interactive, grunting, stuffed animal that allows me to leave and come back. How many… Read full post »

MARCH 22, 2011 6:01AM

Will My Life Ever be In Order?

I am haunted. I can’t sleep. I never watch the news before going to bed- but I did last night. The body of a young girl was found. She was an American teacher in Japan. She rode her bike home after the earthquake and must have been hit by the ensuing… Read full post »

FEBRUARY 2, 2011 8:40PM

Boots wants to be in Dallas

Boots had just had wine. She was never a drinker and could feel the slight buzz from a half of a glass. She sat down at her computer to write to lover, Snarky. He had told her that he would be out of town for the week through the weekend and… Read full post »

DECEMBER 5, 2010 9:32PM

Big Bellies are Foreplay

“If you want to just fuck me, go ahead. I’m just not in the mood to make this a big thing.” Boots rolled over to face her husband.

 “It’s not any good if you are not into it.” He looked crestfallen. Boots smiled and leaned toward him. She blew her… Read full post »

NOVEMBER 22, 2010 6:08PM

Too Bad Snarky

Lips

 These are my new collagen enhanced lips. Snarky if you went to the museum with me, you could see them. Just imagine my lips pressing against yours. My tongue would pop into your soft, plump, pudgy lips and caress your newly cleaned teeth. You do always get your teeth clean right… Read full post »

OCTOBER 26, 2010 1:40PM

Getting Over Heartbreak

I have lost weight this week. Sleep has been difficult. I wake up several times in the middle of the night and know that I will never have my Snarky again. It hurts in my chest. My friend Nina and I took the dogs to the park and… Read full post »

OCTOBER 25, 2010 12:17AM

Enjoy the Silence

My High School classmate gave me passes to see his band, Nada Surf’s performance at the Bowery Ballroom last spring. This tour introduced their new Album if i had a hi-fi. They covered Depeche Mode’s Enjoy the Silence.  I didn’t even recognize this version at the time. Over theRead full post »

Editor’s Pick
OCTOBER 20, 2010 2:04AM

Polio Legs

My father was trained as a Marine in Parris Island in OCS. He specialized in guerilla warfare. His specialty would have made him a valuable commodity during the escalating US engagement in Vietnam. He never saw combat, the army doctors discovered that my father had had polio as a child… Read full post »

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SEPTEMBER 26, 2010 6:45PM

Boots Looks at Shoes for her Pet Attorney

Michael, I told you that the psychic at psychic fair told me to forget about you…The tarot card reader did too. In fact no one thinks that you are good for me. I am going to get a job in a bank (even though I have math phobia)… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 21, 2010 10:53AM

The Madonna

 

 

Bald Me 001 (2) - Copy

To my Blog Review Committee I need to divert from my raison d'être. The dynamic between mother and child is so important for future relations with men and women. The advice given to young men when choosing a life partner is a saying Look at a woman’s motherRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 18, 2010 11:00PM

Boots Gets a Present

Michael realized that the gift of his smelly shirt did not get to Boots. He decided to splurge. Michael went to Boots’ neighbor friend and personal shopper, Melanie at Tiffany to get an appropriate present. He knew that Melanie could be discreet.

 Boots was elated when the little blue Tif… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 15, 2010 10:55AM

The Scarf and Boots' First Pot Belly

 scarves

Boots pulled out a bag from the top of the closet. It was filled with Hermes scarves from the 80s. Most were a gift from her father’s …girl friend...lover...”the Countess”. Boots did not call her this to her face but it what her mother and she called her. The Fr… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 13, 2010 9:55AM

Boots Commits

She sat across him in the dark restaurant. He had tears in his eyes as he drank his scotch. He told her of the scandal that had forced his friend out of one of the largest banks in the world. He was her mentor but he wanted more. He gave her… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 10, 2010 10:52PM

Birdie Takes on Boots

Boots realized that her very public crush on Captain Portobello had caused quite a stir on OS. The female bloggers were already jealous of Boots’ sexiness and her ability to detail her sexual adventures with such rich and powerful men such as Michael…and now perhaps famous mob leader/ or… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 8, 2010 11:25PM

Boots Thinks About The Captain In Prison

Boot’s mother had worked as a counselor in a maximum security prison many years ago. Boots remembered a time, one Saturday, when they had their traditional mother daughter lunch in Bloomingdales. Boots' mother told her about her new “rap” group with the inmates. She looked across th… Read full post »

SEPTEMBER 7, 2010 10:32PM

Boots Wants Captain Portobello

Boots was smitten. She had just emailed a note to Michael:

I told you I don't feel like that about you anymore. It is too much work. I need phone contact and more. This is boring. I hope you had good weekend in Hamptons. There is no future for usRead full post »

SEPTEMBER 2, 2010 6:32PM

Boots Goes to a Museum

Boots met Michael in front of the steps of the Museum at the City of New York at Fifth Avenue and 103rd Street. It was a temperate fall day in New York City.  Fall was the happiest time of the year/

Read full post »
AUGUST 25, 2010 10:05AM

When I Walk Away

 There is exquisite pain in leaving you.  Of course I am not even leaving anything real. It is all play acting and you allow me the play. You are like a wall…a mildly interactive, grunting, stuffed animal that allows me to leave and come back. How many times have I told… Read full post »

AUGUST 16, 2010 8:57PM

Boots' Husband Gets A Camera

Boots was in her bed reading her book. She had been cooking all day for her husband’s birthday dinner. She had never made a cake or icing from scratch and it was very tiring. She heard a clumping up the stairs. Her husband walked into the bedroom and held up the… Read full post »

AUGUST 4, 2010 7:04PM

Boots Goes to the Office

Boots was meeting her lover, Michael Gallagher, a Partner in the world’s largest law firm, Glott, Marks, Gilman & Moore. He agreed to meet her in his office today since he had so much work it would preclude a lunch out. Boots had walked uptown from Penn Station to their offices… Read full post »

JULY 22, 2010 12:04PM

Addiction

  Diet Coke

  This is the evidence of my addiction. It is summer so I have bottles of water thrown in post gym. If it were winter, I would have double the amount of my fix. My daughter tried to ride in the front seat. She thinks I am selfish to… Read full post »

JULY 21, 2010 6:52PM

Boots Has a Business Idea

Oh Snarky, did you read the WSJ yesterday?  The US Patent and Trademark office is removing the classification for trademarks on “Processed plant matter for medicinal purposes, namely medical marijuana.” I had been thinking about starting a home based business. The products would… Read full post »

JULY 14, 2010 11:35PM

Boots Remembers an Old Beau

Every time I smell Hermes Equipage, it reminds me of this old boyfriend that I had. I don’t remember his name. I used to wear it when we went out. It was so long ago. It must have been the early 80s. I was going to Sarah Lawrence College. I… Read full post »