Bird of Doom

Mildly relevant...
OCTOBER 11, 2011 2:36AM

An Open Letter to Meg Ryan

Found this letter in one of my journals from high school. Enjoy.

Curse you Meg Ryan circa 1990s...

A pox upon you for being so unabashedly adorable with little to no consideration of the impressionable young girls you giggled into cutting off their hair. Newsflash, Meg Ryan: 98% of ten-year-old girls… Read full post »

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MAY 21, 2011 1:01PM

Let's Get it All Out in Time for Magic Heaven Fun Times

Well, this is it. The end times are here. If we, as a society, can't be honest with ourselves now, when can we? While I wait in my panic room (dressed in my absolute finest  -- they wear togas in heaven, right? -- sitting on a keg of water which will… Read full post »

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FEBRUARY 18, 2011 6:24PM

A Day in the Life of the Un(der)employed.

11:00 AM : Wake up to a text from an employed friend. Realize she’s already been awake for 4 hours. Feel a little bad before falling back asleep.

11:15 AM : Get up. Eat breakfast while watching ‘A Baby Story.’ Laugh at stupid mom who thought baby was choking on… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 14, 2010 7:20PM

Brushes with Fame: Enough for us to Reconsider Suicide

On Wednesday a life was saved in Atlanta. While this would be a great opening line for some kind of epically sentimental Oprah-worthy novel, I'm afraid the reality leaves me a little more than befuddled.

 Yesterday afternoon, news came across the V-103 airwaves in between Lil Scrappy and Waka Fl… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 7, 2010 2:31PM

Reasons Why I'm Living in the Wrong Time Period

1. I'm generally slow. Really just lazy, but a lack of high-speed, rapid-fire, ultra-efficient machinery could make me about average-paced. My current turn around time for an e-mail (assuming I like you) is approximately equal to the time it would take a messenger from the Pony Express to deliver the… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 4, 2010 8:35PM

Atonement, or How I Learned to Conserve Mental Energy

Today in LA I lied to the mailman. Well, mailwoman. That sounds funny. Like malewoman. Mailperson? Okay, mailperson. The point is I lied to her. She knocked on our door and held two bank statements under my nose.

"Does a Lisa live here?"

No.

"Yes."

I don't know why I said it.… Read full post »

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OCTOBER 2, 2010 7:46PM

Kestrel Blue Book

As a recent Los Angeles transplant, I've found myself floundering in the city's rabid car culture. My roommates and I take our east-coast love of public transportation pretty seriously. We own one Astro van between the three of us. And by 'own,' I mean take for granted until its true owner… Read full post »

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SEPTEMBER 30, 2010 7:07PM

The Sad Little Man Saga, part 2

DA KENNETH KRATZ
 
And we all thought slimy lawyer jokes were so second-season Seinfeld. Apparently the District Attorney for Wisconsin's Calumet County desperately wishes to transport himself back in time to 1993, when a sexting attorney would be considered 'whimsical' instead of 'horribly… Read full post »
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SEPTEMBER 29, 2010 8:17PM

The Sad Little Man Saga, part 1

ANDREW SHIRVELL
 
Apparently crime doesn’t exist in Michigan. Which is convenient for Assistant Attorney General Andrew Shirvell, who spends his considerable free time working on a personal blog. Shirvell’s watch site follows the various zany antics of openly gay Student Assembly Pre… Read full post »
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SEPTEMBER 29, 2010 3:17AM

September 28, The Day of Much Crazy

Today in LA I came face-to-face with all my anxieties personified in one thirtysomething woman wearing broken sunglasses. I've seen her before. Average height. Not unattractive. Usually sporting sweatpants and a backpack filled with, I presume, human body parts. This is the exact description I will g… Read full post »

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